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50M30N3 Progress
Male from New England, USA
Our actions define us.
My actions define me.
I hope that all I do is meaningful.
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50M30N3 Progress
Patience Is a VirtueDon't know if that would make me a saint or a sinner.

I don't consider myself to be very patient. I am extremely methodical if I create a plan, such as a schedule or a budget. I will follow it to the letter with militant determination. However, if I have not set up a structure for myself, I tend to be impulsive. When this journal was originally drafted, I was supposed to be studying for a test. Even now, I should be in bed instead of posting online. But what the heck, why not?

Have you ever had something for which you have waited a long time? For me, that waiting can be the most excruciating thing, but it pays off. I think the most expensive thing for which I saved up when I was a kid was an original xbox. I think I saved longer for that machine than I had for anything else (and possibly anything since then). Part of the reason it took so long was that I was too impatient to wait on other stuff, and I ended up using xbox money for other stuff that I didn't want as much anyway. Nevertheless, I got it, and it was completely worth the wait. I proceeded to buy the first Halo and live a great childhood.

Let's look at the other end of the spectrum. I've only had one relationship. I waited five years to date her for five months. There was no one else I would have dated during that time. She was a seriously awesome girl. They were five great months, and I do not regret it in the least. It was never going to work out, though. We both knew it. We were headed in different directions, becoming different people. The writing was on the wall. It sucked letting go. But I wouldn't take back that experience for anything, even though I waited longer for her than probably anything (or anyone) else in my life.

Here I am now, looking back on that experience, and seeing history rewrite itself. Only one girl that I like (a seriously awesome one, at that), waiting for her, and seeing a divergent future between the two of us. Is it worth going through the pains of waiting? Is it worth risking the heartache of our futures not being compatible? Should I risk putting her through that if I see a future stacked against us?

I think so.

I hope so.

Perhaps such assumptions are out of line. Maybe I should stop pining away and just ask her out. Maybe I should forget about her and wait for someone that I am sure it will work out. After all, who am I to predict the future? There's no telling that any of my plans are going to work out the way I see them. Life could drastically change tomorrow, and all of this would become irrelevant. But I've seen these signs before. I've walked this road and felt these feelings before. By definition, I'd be insane to think that things would play out differently this time.

Well, I've never been one for sanity anyway.
1 year ago  |  Comments (0)  |  + 1 Cool
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