18 year-old male from the Queen's England One fateful day on Earth, a child was born. This child's name was Jake. His parents died in a car crash when he was 8, leaving him to fend for himself. He struggled just to find enough food to make it through the day. He had to fight many children for shelter, warmth and the all important money he needed. In his teenage years, Jake found a man in an expensive suit who seemed out of place. When the man's back was turned, Jake seized an opportunity (and the mans wallet) which had enough money to help him educate himself, and begin earning his own income. On an unrelated note, my name's Jake too and I like to play video games.
My Humility Is Comedy 1 (Part 2)In order to try and regain some of the class that had been lost in our meal, our Mum kindly offered everybody dessert in addition to our meal (a luxury we do not usually experience). I figured, "Hey, now is a good time to make yourself look more suave. Maybe it'll be ice cream. If you eat small spoonfuls and make some sophisticated jokes, you could come out of this looking like a well mannered human being instead of, well... You". The only problem was that it wasn't ice cream we were having for dessert. It wasn't yoghurt, chocolate, sweets or biscuits (candy or cookies if you were confused by Ye Olde Englishe Terms).
My Humility Is Comedy 1 (Part 2)In order to try and regain some of the class that had been lost in our meal, our Mum kindly offered everybody dessert in addition to our meal (a luxury we do not usually experience). I figured, "Hey, now is a good time to make yourself look more suave. Maybe it'll be ice cream. If you eat small spoonfuls and make some sophisticated jokes, you could come out of this looking like a well mannered human being instead of, well... You". The only problem was that it wasn't ice cream we were having for dessert. It wasn't yoghurt, chocolate, sweets or biscuits (candy or cookies if you were confused by Ye Olde Englishe Terms).
It was a cream egg.
For those of you who don't know, these exploding things are cream eggs. They're filled with this odd sweet goo stuff, that are usually very enjoyable to eat. But of course, as they are filled with freaking goo they are the most messy, awkward to eat things on the face of the Earth. Looking back on things, I think my mum probably definitely knew that I was trying to recover some of the dignity I had lost earlier on and probablyabsolutely definitely wanted me to make even more mess this time round.
Usually, in order to avoid this kind of mess I would eat the whole egg in one go, but when you're with strangers (i.e. your older brother's girlfriend who you are meeting for the first time ever and want to make a good impression with) you really cant do that. My only choice was to bite the egg in half and try to avoid spilling any of the goo inside. Of course as I mentioned in my previous journal which is "My Humility Is Comedy 1 (Part 1)" if you're interested, I have pretty poor the least amount of grace possible.
So of course, when I bit into the cream egg, I didn't just cleanly bite it in half like a normal human being, I managed to somehow launch the other half of the chocolate egg into my face, splattering the white goo all across my forehead (which sounds pornographic but isn't, I swear). I decided that the only thing I could do would be to run away and clean myself up, which I promptly did.
I didn't come back. I'm sure we're going to get along fine in the future.
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