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Personal Growth as Evidenced by...
My Internet Habits (X-Posted to All Journal Related Sites)
o, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't come back here without something to write about besides "I promise to write something soon." But the truth is, I haven't been able to think of very much since my last posting.
This surprised me a great deal, as I'm a very talkative person, with lots of opinions on a wide range of issues, not to mention various observations/thoughts, ideas, and stories to tell. It also surprised me because in my younger years, I would spend hours updating each personal profile I had, writing finely crafted journal entries that were made (usually) exclusively for each individual site I was a member of, and the people who I knew were the regular readers of that particular journal on that site. I began to wonder to myself, "what was different back then?" That's when the stunningly obvious answer appeared before me - "I was."
Now I know that normally, someone who's only half way through their 21st year of life referring to being 15-17 as their "younger years" comes off as a mixture of pretentious, egotistical, and misconceived, and I'm sure that in some respects that could be true for me as well. However, since that period in my life, I've come out as bisexual, began transitioning to my life as a woman, have moved out on my own, moved in with my partner, have settled myself firmly and comfortably into a polyamorous relationship, encountered a philosophy that has changed the way I view myself and my life, incorporated this philosophy as my own, worked said philosophy into my daily life, graduated high school, completed three years of university in the pursuit of my dream of filmmaking, and learned many truths about myself and life through failed relationships and friendships, as well as the incredibly, beautiful successful ones.
Of course, people who have lives such as this aren't exactly incapable of posting on the internet, however, as I'm certain that people who exemplify all facets of life that I mentioned are capable of effective output of writing as well as internet time. So, what's my reason for this being a change? It all comes down to a matter of what the internet meant to me then, and how it fulfilled that.
You see, back then, I didn't have many friends in what most people would refer to as "in real life." I was also dealing with the usual teenage angst/confusion, as well as my own personal issues involving gender, sexuality, and religion/philosophy. These two facts combined led me to a very confused state of existence, as I had all sorts of questions, thoughts, observations, and a desire to belong, but I had no friends to ask or share with, and certainly no group I really felt I belonged in. Sure, I had friends, but I never hung out to a large degree with them, except only on occasion, and certainly nothing as fun as what I do these days.
So, with all of these issues existing inside of me, I ended up feeling alone and confused. This is where the internet comes into play. I found people with similar interests as me and, almost as importantly, who were willing to listen to my stories, thoughts and complaints and talk to me about them. Back then, the internet was the best way for me to make friends and have real relationships with people. Over the years of using it, I managed to craft several friendships that meant a great deal to me, some of which have even lasted well into my current everyday life.
Currently, however, I don't have problems socializing. I'm in two relationships, have many friends, and my life is exciting all on its own. Last night, for example: I went to a film festival, a gay prom, a strip club, and trolled through the French Quarter of New Orleans. Hardly an adventure comparable to that time I crashed that guy's birthday party.
So, my need for the internet has changed, and as such, my perception of it needs to develop differently as well. Not sure where that idea will take me, but when I find it, I'll be sure to use it to its fullest potential.
Whatever that may be, a thanks to everyone, reading this or not, from that aspect of my life who helped me get here.
See you in the future.
Peace
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