Cancer update #5: The Far Side
Free and clear. Of symptoms, that is.
A week of work under my belt and I am feeling pretty much back to normal. Lets take a step back and go through the last week and a half.
My last journal was at day 4, which turned out to be the end of the worst. After that day, the severe nausea subsided and fatigue set in. Maybe the fatigue was just masked by the nausea, but it hit me like a train. Nausea was still present, but it came in waves and was mostly manageable. With less nausea came more confidence to start doing things around the house and helping with the kids. These outings were short lived and were followed by crashing on the bed and going back to playing stuff. If I could have slept, I would, but unfortunately the fatigue wasn't enough to make me sleep, only take all the wind out of my sails. The next few days were slight improvements from the previous ones, but I was still unable to really do much.
Sitting and playing games is a lot of fun, for a little while. After several days of doing nothing but what I had wanted to do for a very long time, the restlessness and guilt started to creep in. Normally being a major part of my family's lives, I was sitting and watching from the sidelines because of the lack of energy. I could yell at the children to stop screaming and hurting each other, but I couldn't be the parent I really wanted and needed to be. After surgery, I knew I couldn't do anything because I could really hurt myself and cause even more pain and recovery. After chemo, I knew I should just rest, but the desire to return to normal life was too strong to fully ignore. Slow recoveries are especially hard because I am used to recovering from a cold, which is short lived and I can return to normal after a couple days. Expecting to be able to do more and being constantly beaten back down is hard both physically and mentally. I am not going to pretend that I have been through what other people with more serious diseases and illnesses have to de...