World Leader Fantasy Fights, the End.
It’s here at last, the final round of World Leader fantasy fights. This one has been a long time in coming. I have to say, I’m not particularly surprised by the two guys you all tapped for the big finale, but I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let’s see the results from the semi-final fights:

Leonidas vs Genghis Khan
This is a straight-up sword fight. You know how those go. Clang, clang, snikt, slice, ow, that was my arm, you bastard! And so forth. The Great Khan, Lord of the Eastern Steppes, might have had an advantage if he’d started from horseback, but he decided against it, which ends up being a mistake. Leonidas is a big guy, and he’s got reach on the other man, not to mention tougher ar...

World Leader Fantasy Fights, the End.
It’s here at last, the final round of World Leader fantasy fights. This one has been a long time in coming. I have to say, I’m not particularly surprised by the two guys you all tapped for the big finale, but I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let’s see the results from the semi-final fights:

Leonidas vs Genghis Khan
This is a straight-up sword fight. You know how those go. Clang, clang, snikt, slice, ow, that was my arm, you bastard! And so forth. The Great Khan, Lord of the Eastern Steppes, might have had an advantage if he’d started from horseback, but he decided against it, which ends up being a mistake. Leonidas is a big guy, and he’s got reach on the other man, not to mention tougher armor. It’s a close thing, but the Spartan king ends up pulling his sword right through his opponent and that’s all she wrote.

Theodore Roosevelt vs Abraham Lincoln
Teddy gets the drop on Abe, showing up before the Great Emancipator is ready for him. He comes up behind him and pulls out a pistol. But because Teddy isn’t a wuss like some other guys I could mention, he calls out to Lincoln and the two of them have an old-school duel. Pistols at 10 paces. They stand back-to-back, walk off their 10 steps and then spin around, but Teddy is way too fast for the lanky president. Abe takes the bullet to the chest before he even manages to raise his gun. Bang, thump, done.

Now here we are, and it’s time for you guys to vote. Which of history’s badass leaders is the most badass of all? Who would win the big final fight:

Leonidas vs Theodore Roosevelt


Leonidas was one of the kings of Sparta, a society filled with possibly the most badass fighting men in a long bloody history of badass Greek fighting men. He led his 300 Spartans (and a bunch of other Greeks, but who cares about them, really?) in battle against the entire gigantic Persian army and actually did pretty well until he died horribly. Leonidas has a sword, a shield, and training from age 7 in how to use them to kill people.

Roosevelt was physically weak as a kid, asthma and stuff basically meant that his parents hardly wanted to let him out of the house. How did he respond to this? Through sheer determination and force of will, he trained his own weak body to be awesome. Smart and badass, he went to Harvard where and did some boxing. He became police commissioner in New York City where he famously began a campaign to weed out corruption on the force. He was busy whipping the Department of the Navy into shape when the Spanish American War broke out. Being Teddy Roosevelt, he couldn't sit around in Washington when there was an opportunity to be fucking awesome. So he quit his job and personally went out to find the most badass mother fuckers there were to be found and put them together in one group called the Rough Riders, who he then led into battle. This is all before he became the youngest president in US history, won the Nobel Peace Prize, built the Panama Canal, etc.

This is it, boys and girls, final round. Vote for who you think would win the fight.