21 year-old male from Bloomfield, NM My story is one unlike any you have ever heard. My mother left me on Santas doorstep wearing nothing but a smile. I was raised by an elf with a craving for human flesh and his prostitute wife. I avioded being eaten by the crazed elf by convincing him that I was a decorative lamp. I was forced to eat nothing but large rodents and ding-dongs until Santa mistook me for a basketball and took me in his bag of toys to America where my first job was cleaning porto-potties with my bare hands!!!!!!!!!!!