Ghosting and Gynecologists - #18

Always Open: Ghosting and Gynecologists - #18

Join Barbara Dunkelman, Mica Burton, Mariel Salcedo, and special guest Samantha Ireland as they discuss their first time at the gynecologist, ghosting, and how to get over a breakup.

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Comments (139)

  • Guy... FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 month ago

    There are varying levels of ghosting.


    You can be more kindhearted and notify the other person and explain to them what's going on, like (at a minimum): "This relationship isn't working out for me. I'm sorry. Please don't try and contact me." (and then not answer them if they don't respect your wish of not being contacted), or you could cease communications altogether without any sort of warning and send the other person into a downward spiral of confusion and hurt.

  • SomeKindofCaveDemon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    3 months ago

    Get asked for advice by someone who's hurting, immediately launch into minutes-long "FUCK YOU PERSON I DON'T KNOW" rant.  Top notch Micaing.

  • Rosaielle FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    3 months ago

    I have been ghosted on so many occasions. not by a romantic partner but by "friends".


    They say "Oh we should hang out sometime." I'm like sure why not, gimme your number we can coordinate stuff. I text them later on and they just ignore the text completely.

    One of the worst cases of this was the summer right after graduating High School. 


    I was walking into the grocery store, and one of the people that i hung out with in high school was working at the starbucks by the entrance. 

    She called out to me. 

    While we were talking, she asked if i had her number still, which she never gave me to begin with

    She writes it down without me ever asking for it.

    She asks me to text her later so that she can get my number.

    I text her like she asked me to without any prodding by me. Once with a simple hey. a few hours later say it was me.

    She never responded and i havent seen or talked to her since.


    This happens way more than it should to anyone. No one wants to keep in touch with me and i honestly have no idea why. with just how many people do this to me It has to be a problem with me right? Or have i just happened to hit the shitty "friend" jackpot this whole time? I dont understand it.

  • Johnny2x4701 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Johnny2x4701

    4 months ago

    I've been ghosted one time, and I just was like, "There are so many more people in the world, one that didn't work won't be the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

  • SummerTaco FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Micas story is "Hello" by Adele Literally said hello from the other side. Rare and very cool of her...

  • DarkB4Dawn FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    @ The anon with the question. Hooking up never helped getting over someone I think. It only ever made me feel worse. Do some soul searching and you'll eventually find the one. 

  • Element_Zer0 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    FUPA stands for Fat Upper PUBIC Area, not Fat Upper Pussy Area because guys can have one too. For example Ethan Klein has a glorious FUPA.

  • Icarosaurvus FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    46:38 : When sets attack. 

  • Skillerfish FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Berb is my favourite. barbara She's fuckin great :D 

  • DivaSara FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Walking Meme

    4 months ago

    There's a lot of people talking about how much it hurts to be ghosted in the comments section so I just wanna add my piece to defend the girls. As a woman out in the dating world, its scary. You have to understand that it's scary to go meet men you don't know that could literally decide to kill you whenever they want and there is little to nothing that you can do about it. There's a comedian who does this skit where he basically says that he's amazed women go out and date at all because men are the number one threat to women statistically. I've gone to many dates thinking that "hey there's a chance this guy will be the one to try to murder me" and it's just something we have to accept. I think as ghosting as more of a self-defense mechanism more than anything. Yeah there are still alot of women who use it to cause harm but all of the girls on AO just said that they meant no harm by it and where worried about THEIR safety. If you put priority on your feelings or pride over a woman's right to feel safe you have other problems to worry about pal. 

    • alexwhiteplays

      4 months ago

      (Eowyn voice) I am no man. No, but seriously, if it's for someone's safety then I have no problem with it. I'm a transfemme, trust me when I say that I know all about the ever-present threat of violence and murder in romantic settings. I still ghost guys as infrequently as possible and expect them to return the favor, but every situation in which I've been ghosted could have been resolved with an adult human being conversation. Ghosting can be self-defense, but it can also be an unfair distribution of emotional labor. It's also worth noting that what I'm talking about is the kind of thing where you're friends with someone, you start to date, and then they ghost you, not the kind of thing where you go on one date or have a couple of interactions on a dating app and then someone ghosts. On dating apps, I block people that I'm not interested in because I've had to deal with stalkers and others who made me fear for my physical safety. My statement earlier on about hating being ghosted was more of an emotional response because it had just happened to me, but there's definitely a lot of nuance to it.

  • Vicks007

    4 months ago

    Riley Reid, nuff said

  • tyrjiora FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold T-Bone Queen

    4 months ago

    I've not been sexually active with partners, but have already had three pap smears thanks to local providers going "we just need to be sure..." my last one, I think I accidentally turned myself on by relaxing too much, because my APNP had to reposition the speculum because my cervix 'suddenly popped backward'.

  • Evil_Matt FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold [spoiler][/spoiler]

    4 months ago

    I do not understand how everyone at that table is defending the practice of ghosting. It's such a cop out in 90% of cases.

  • SofiaLujan FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Madridista

    4 months ago

    So, I don't know what it is about Always Open, but for some reason I'm not as excited to watch the show as I used to. Yet, after watching every episode I'm always glad I did. It must have something to do with me being used to RT producing more comical/entertaining shows rather than informative. And I know that no one at AO claimed to be an expert at anything, but after a certain point of listening to the same advice it has become a bit dull. That's why it's always refreshing to have new cast or an expert every once in a while. It just brings new perspectives, ideas, and even experiences to the table that make the show more interesting to watch. Even if it's not a new cast, some people just have a way of telling stories or retelling experiences with a new spin that make it interesting. For example, Mariel, even though she keeps her personal life private and doesn't share as much, she manages to tell the same experiences but apply a different advice to different scenarios.


    Anyways, I was happy to see Samantha Ireland was in this. I find her acting and voice acting very entertaining to watch, and I've always wanted to know more about her. 

  • MaxxStaron FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold SuperFunBounceHaus

    4 months ago

    Mica makes AO so hard to watch or even listen to. each to their own though.

  • hatterandahare FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    i REALLY want to like Mica. I want to love the RT ladies, i really do. BUT honey. PLEASE stop talking FOREVER, shouting and giving shitty advice. Mica gives the WORST advice about things,talks the most, has the most knee jerk social justice reactions to things, and then has to backtrack and rephrase as the others call her out on it. it happens alllll the time. idk. . . maybe she is just coming off really "young"/"immature" to me. She has moments where she shines, then she has moments that are...yea...just really immature? 

  • PhantomAC FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Not Otaku, Just Nerd

    4 months ago

    Will AO only answer twitter feeds? I've a doozie.

    • LazarouDave FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Can't afford Double Gold

      4 months ago

      It's pre-recorded - i think if it suitable, it'd go to [email protected] - but i'm not 100% certain

    • PhantomAC FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Not Otaku, Just Nerd

      4 months ago

      You are CORRECT.  thumbsup

  • Robbiedob21 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    You tell them Mica! 

  • MRKRABBZz FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    I didn't know what ghosting is and now I realize that I myself have been ghosted on at least 3 different occasions. It honestly hurts when someone doesn't reply to your messages/snapchats etc especially when you do not realise why (I have never sent an excessive amount maybe once a week every few weeks to which I would receive a very blunt response). I think girls should just explain themselves and not be so passive because it would save guys from losing a lot of sleep over questioning whether they did something wrong or whether they are simply the wrong person for said female, if a girl would just inform you that you are not their type it would make it so much easier to move on and learn more about yourself.

  • 16BitsOfAwesome FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Keeper of Moving Forward

    4 months ago

    I love that a ghost knocked over something during the topic of ghosting.

  • JefeFisher FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Jake E Fisher

    4 months ago

    Mica looks great!

  • thefunion FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Gold Stars

    4 months ago

    If you want to truly ghost someone, just block their number. That way you don't have to respond after 35 texts.

  • TBoneSteak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    I hate everyone on YouTube that rips on Mica 

    GIRL I LOVE YOU

    • MaxxStaron FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold SuperFunBounceHaus

      4 months ago

      Yeah fuck everyone with their own personal opinion particularly if you disagree with mine. I don't like Mica much. I used to but shes just forced into stuff. She's not funny nor is she interesting, she comes off annoying and immature I hate to say.

    • stu101093 Brightstone

      4 months ago

      @MaxxStaron Isn't that what you're doing though? You're hating on someone for liking Mica. At the end of the day it's both of your opinions. Difference being that you, who doesn't like Mica, can just not watch this episode. I don't watch RT Podcast if Risinger is on it. 


      You can't please everyone.

  • Lazygamer14 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    The closest thing guys have to a specialist  would probably be a urologist

  • RavenSugara FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Streamer/Fic Writer

    4 months ago

    Okay so Mariel used that she's never been a voice actress in the game to knock everyone down towards her eventual win, except she also definitely has a voice credit for the 4th episode of Camp Camp which I finally found and started watching today.

  • bigtipper FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Barbara should really consider this:


    The guy messaged you 35 times wanting to know what's up. That's pretty creepy but not the point I'm making.


    After that 35th time, you messaged him back saying you weren't interested. Then he went on his immature rant.


    What happened after that 36th message???

    OH YEAH, HE STOPPED TEXTING YOU...


    Do you get it? All you had to do was say right from the beginning that you weren't interested and you would have saved yourself 33-34 unnecessary, annoying text messages.


    Sure, he should never have reacted to ghosting the way he did, but your selfishness and inaction compounded the situation 30-fold.

  • beastdude FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Rock god in training

    4 months ago

    If someone doesn't reply after say 5 messages, then it's safe to say they're not interested. But no one's going to get the hint after just 1 or 2.

    • MRKRABBZz FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 months ago

      when you are blinded by your feelings you make up excuses without realiseing, oh she must be busy, oh she must be asleep etc

  • BurnsAsSun

    4 months ago

    "In college. It was 2 weeks ago" 

  • ShogunShin FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    As someone who gets ghosted way too often(it feels like 90% of the time) I would much rather have someone tell me immediately that they are not interested. Maybe I was being annoying or maybe I'm just a jerk and haven't realized it yet, but if I'm talking to someone that I think is attractive and want to get to know better, and they say " I'm sorry I just want to be friends/I'm just not interested" my immediate reaction is: "Ok, that's fine, thanks for telling me!". I feel so much better if someone is honest with me because, instead, when I get ghosted, I feel 1000000% worse.  If I get ghosted I start having thoughts like: "Is there something wrong with me?", "Did I say something offensive?", "What did I just say, did it sound creepy?", and my confidence(which isn't really the highest to begin with) sinks lower. I understand if you ghost someone because you don't want to hurt any feelings but I think ghosting hurts so much more. If you be honest I find it easier to accept and move on, yeah it sucks and it hurts for a little while but eventually it passes. With ghosting I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and it's harder to find some sort of acceptance to the issue. With ghosting, I think: "What part of me was so awful that this person would rather never talk to me again?" and that thought lingers much longer than someone simply saying: "Hey, I'm sorry but I don't think we fit." 

    • TheJazzhands FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 months ago

      I know that feeling dude. It hurts even more when it was a friend of 4+ years.

    • Palmujoni

      4 months ago

      Couldn't agree more bro. I haven't been ghosted that often, but the times that it has happened it hurt like a motherfucker.

    • bigtipper FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 months ago

      I have been ghosted once, kind of recently in fact. We went out and had a great time, then scheduled another date, which got cancelled. I tried to reschedule, then ghosted. We worked for the same company (that's how we met), but different locations. I ended up going there for reasons and while I was there I asked her what's up and if there were any issues. She gave me excuses like she hasn't checked her texts recently (like 5 days of nothing). We ended up exchanging Snapchats and chatted for a bit before she ghosted me again. 


      Long story short, we're friends on Facebook now, and she finally told me she just wants to be friends (after I pried it out of her), but it's been a rocky few months and I'm unsure we will even stay friends.


      Unfortunately, I'm the type of guy that needs closure, so ghosting pisses me off to no end. Even if it hurts to hear that she's not interested in me, it hurts much less than being ignored or being lied to.

    • MRKRABBZz FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 months ago

      I had feelings for one of my best friends, after I made this apparent she stopped talking to me all together even despite me saying that I can get over it and will eventually move on and did not want it to jeopardize our friendship. It really sucks to go from someone I spoke to daily to not even knowing what she is doing with her life. (it is now post high school).

  • charlizetheron FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold (Lara)

    4 months ago

    hey mica, i think a cock and balls doctor is called a guy-necologist  barbara

  • xvalai FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Xvalai

    4 months ago

    Texas is the best! I wish the bartenders around here we as awesome as him! Then, I would actually go to bars.

  • jamesfezer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    i feel like mica's been on enough that she doesn't need to introduce herself enough.

  • Karashou FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Karashou

    4 months ago

    Who did Mica do a voice over for?

  • Gcherki FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    while I'm generally on your side, sometimes you guys can be pretty rough with people who don't have their own shows to defend themselves on, even if they were assholes at the time.

  • chelsea_might FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Seriously, Always Open Field Trips are a GREAT idea.

  • BigDaddyDeadpoo1 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold BigDaddyDeadpoo1

    4 months ago

    Being someone who's just recently come into his social shell, I know 100% I've been ghosted by women frequently when I was younger. And I 100% know that those times is because I was a fucking annoying or being a prick (same thing?). 


    If there's any "excuse" I could give for it; it's mostly because I was so worried about making friends during the last year of high school and first two years of college. Granted that doesn't excuse me having been obnoxious at all. Every kid leaving high school and going into college experiences that same exact anxiety. People just subconsciously choose to (poorly) cope with it in different ways.


    I totally understand ghosting, so don't any of you ladies (including the ones in the audience) feel bad for it. And if you're a relatively young-or not so young-male and you're salty about ghosting, I promise you that you'll figure out why you've been ghosted and you'll absolutely understand it at some point.

  • -Mat- FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Are we ever going to get an episode with Texas as a main on the show. He is the highlight of every episode he's on. 

  • Jimminy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    Barbara, i hope you read this:


    You are awesome, all your friends are awesome, just everyone at RT is awesome.


    thank you for all your hard work


    I remember when i was going through a really hard time, and my friends messaged you so you could talk to me a tiny bit. because of you i got a lot more help, more motivated to try and live a better life, and now, after i don't know how long ( 2 years maybe?) i'm doing a lot better. i'm still seeking help, but things are getting a lot better for me. so much better in fact, i'm going to the Dota 2 tournament, the international 2017, this year! i really hope you read this, or at least see this:


    thank you so much. you saved my life.


    have a wonderful fantastic day everyone!

  • eggbagel FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Thara

    4 months ago

    Please do a field trip! How can we make this happen?

  • Jacecam32 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Jacecam

    4 months ago

    See Ghosting really is the worst. You leave people in Limbo. If you let people know you can figure out where they actually sit. If they are decent people They'll be like "Alright, Good luck out there" (My usual rejection response to someone after a 2nd date turn down) Or if they are P.O.S. then they will freak out and you'll know. You'll also know to not give their insults the time of day. 

    I have been ghosted. Its the most frustrating thing in the world. All you want in an answer! To be denied that is so upsetting. I admit I've gone over board on a woman I was seeing that Ghosted me. Wouldn't answer Texts or messages, Removed me from fb. My last ditch was a message on Xbox. To which she finally explained why she stopped talking to me and told me to never message her again. I didn't reach out to her again. (Though 6 months later she messaged me saying she missed me LOL)

  • LiamAllen FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    I know Mica's heart is in the right place, but she really doesn't have any empathy for people with different experiences to her. Have you ever dated someone with depression? Because it's fucking difficult, especially if you have mental health issues yourself. And the guilt and sadness that comes with breaking up with someone you love because they're making you unhappy is enough without other people calling you a terrible person. I really think it was inappropriate of her to be so aggressive about it.

    • Carlos_C FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      4 months ago

      This is 100% correct in my opinion, in seeing all the hate she got at AH one can feel bad for her. But if you really think about it, she seems very self absorbed and just unrelateable

    • BigDaddyDeadpoo1 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold BigDaddyDeadpoo1

      4 months ago

      I'm not saying I disagree with you, but the anger that Mica projected is no different from the anger you seem to be projecting. It's based off of your different experiences. And those experiences shape your view of certain issues, and how you react to the bringing up of those issues. 


      Now, being dismissive of her reaction and saying that she doesn't understand others experiences isn't very mature of you. I'm not justifying her reaction either. To be fair though, she did state that she had a few drinks in her. So with that in mind, don't take what she said in full, nor should you take it personally. 


      I understand you've had different experiences than her, and maybe they were more challenging. I can't say. But you're absolutely going to run into people who will be legitimately rude and dismissive to your situation, and it's hard to not get angry/emotional about it. Though staying calm, and trying to get your point across in that same calm matter will help you out a lot more than you think. I'm sure you know that though.

  • sakurastar FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    YES, I was so happy when they started saying, 'spill the tea' and 'no tea no shade no pink lemonade,' because I've been binge watching RuPaul's Drag Race again and my head is so full of drag terms it's sick'ning! Bianca del Rio is my queen, she reads everyone to filth  smiley.

  • CatSea FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Keyblade Apprentice

    4 months ago

    I ghosted a guy that was my best friend for like two years. I was worried about my mental health and trying to find out what was going on with me and he got mad at me for not going to his D&D session because I was emotionally exhausted after an appointment. After that I started realising all the shitty stuff he's done to me while we were friends. He was very emotionally abusive and took advantage of me. I stopped talking to him and he didn't try to contact me for two weeks even though we used to talk every day. I was pissed and knew I had enough with him so when he did try to reach out I just ignored him. He tried ambushing me both at work and college. After two years when his girlfriend reached out to me I finally got the courage to explain why I dropped contact. I'm glad all that is over..

  • LauraTheExplorer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    I've really never had a bad experience with pap smears.....IUD insertion, however, now that is uncomfortable/painful

  • SarahWithStars FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold No Family Bias- Honest

    4 months ago

    Sam is just smarter and more eloquent than this trash talk slang lingo:


    Sam darling, we would say 'shook' is the sentiment of 'being taken aback' xxxxx

    And the people you dated during college would be referred to as 'yocals' xxxx ♡

  • michellebaby

    4 months ago

    I love how they have just the top of the pineapple on set now xD

  • BodgeAttack FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    The transition from ghosting to the question at the end really shows the immaturity of Mica. She is OK with ghosting someone (which is very disrespectful) and yet is mad at the person dumping someone because they are sad all the time.

  • ytrahne FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Guardian x6

    4 months ago

    Barb, what your describing sounds like a endometrial biopsy, which is where you go into the uterus and use a tool to scrape the lining of our uterus.  It feels like the worse of your cramps.  A colposcopy is when they take biopsies of your cervix because they've found abnormalities in your pap smear.  It's awkward because you have to cough to get the cervix to hiccup downward enough to get biopsied.  As someone who has had both done and now has regular colps with her pap smears... yay health.

  • Delivery_McGee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    LOL "go to the local CVS..." Louisiana also sells had liquor in the grocery stores on Sundays. Except Shreveport, which has Texas-style liquor laws. But out in Monroe or Lafayette, the laws for selling whisky are same as Texas laws for selling water. 

  • kaikaips3 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    4 months ago

    How is RT sponsored by Blue Apron and Hello Fresh?