Still Open #32

Always Open: Still Open #32

Join Barbara Dunkelman, Jessica Vasami, Tyler Coe, and Mariel Salcedo as they discuss a fan question about being overly judgemental.

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Comments (34)

  • Bea92 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    First, let me say I love all of these lovely people and their advice, but a majority of their advice this post show just seems very jokey. What Jessica said at the start, I 100% agree with.
    We are conditioned to judge a book by its cover at a young age. It's just human nature. It's not just because you are an asshole. I mean you could be, but let's not categorizing everyone because everyone does it, even those four very lovely people sitting on those yellow couches. Take for instance this episode, assuming Ali is an asshole just from their question. (Note, Ali could totally be an asshole, but anyways).
    Ali being aware that you are making those judgmental comments are the first steps on working to better condition yourself to find the good in people. This goes for everyone watching/ reading this comment. You don't know someone's story, so before you go and judge someone, just ask yourself, "What is their story?" and until you know it, then you have no right to judge. If you see someone putting others down, then step up and tell them to stop because if you continue to let their negativity fester, then you are really no better than the person who said the words. Don't be a wallflower, step up and be better. You can even ask them why are they acting this way? Like Mariel said, "be nice, think about yourself and what you are projecting on to other people and don't be a dick."

    • Psykoma FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      I disagree to the first half of your post.

      It's human nature to judge at a glance. I disagree that it would be human nature to vocalize those judgments.


      And yes, Ali may not be an asshole. But they are displaying asshole tendencies. What do you consider someone who (according to themselves) repeatedly displays asshole tendencies? I'd probably call them an asshole. 

  • omaly321 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    I love answers to questions but really don't think they should be in Still Open because the person who asked it might not be a First member (unless they state they are in the email).

    • Kindyno FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      i think for the still open segment they pick first members specifically.

  • Icky427 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Icky

    2 months ago

    Ali, it sounds like you're not judging people so much as vocalizing the first thing you notice about them (which still isnt always a good thing). judging would be assuming their character based on what you see. saying a fat person is fat is just stating a fact. now if you start thinking that they must be lazy because they're fat, THEN you're judging.

  • Grimreaper9419 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    If someone says something as an automatic response to something they see, it is what they genuinely believe. The response to your own comment is merely an attempt to bring yourself back into the realm of social tolerances. If you want to not say insulting remarks, you must change you views of the world such that you believe certain physical traits to be negative points. This is easier said than done, changing a belief or way of thinking is always a difficult thing. Alternatively rather than changing perceptions of the world, condition yourself not to have an impulse to say things without thought.

  • BlueGoose72 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    Tyler, As a straight male, let me tell you that you have nothing to be insecure about.  Your are goddam good looking and have a voice I would kill for.  Your are completely awesome!  rock on brother!

  • mitzt FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Boop!

    2 months ago

    Jessica's advice was spot on and is a good way someone can start to retrain themselves to look at other people with more sympathy.


    The only time I've met someone who would judge people and criticize or laugh at how they look was an ex-girlfriend who was incredibly insecure about herself. Part of it was how she was raised in an emotionally unhealthy and judgmental family so comparing herself to others was basically how she was taught to judge self worth.

  • ben-ramlackhan FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    Last min of the show omg

  • DreaYoungken98 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    i hope the people whose questions get answered on Still Open are able to see the post shows  no_mouth

  • TMeisterJ FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Level 5 Laser Lotus

    2 months ago

    I adore Mariel's playful, judgmental, squinty eyes.

  • PhantomAC FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Not Otaku, Just Nerd

    2 months ago

    If you're Texan,.. Judgement is natural.

    If you're American,.. Judgement is blind.

    If you're Human,.. Judgement is pointless.


    Oh look at that,.. we're all human.

    • ZenLikeCalm FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      Are you judging Texans?

    • recovery9 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      im only human after all 

    • PhantomAC FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Not Otaku, Just Nerd

      2 months ago

      I am a Texan.

  • Carnegie-senpai FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

  • RemyLeBro FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    I don't think it's wrong to observe other people. It's what you DO with those observations that matter. A person can be fat, skinny, fit, albino, etc. But to make fun of someone or to belittle them is ABSOLUTELY fucked. I don't condone that. 

    They're right, there are better things you could do. I just have trouble taking in every little detail in my surroundings. 

  • Grimseyyy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Will Grimsey

    2 months ago

    why do they think that Ali is a guy?

    • BoringMoose FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      Unless it was supposed to be pronounced as "ah-li" like in Aladdin. I had the same though as you, because I think Ali is mostly a girls name.

    • Infamous011 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      Yeah I was thinking that myself; My best friend knows 4 Alis, and they are all short for Allison.

  • ninjagoblin FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    Love the show and there was some good advice but I have to ask, why is the assumption that Ali is a boy/man/male? My younger cousin is married to a woman named Ali.

    • ArchDruid FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      Probably just an oversight

    • KirDBird FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      i dont know about oversight, assuming someones gender based on actions is a pretty big oversight.  Something that i thought these people would be above doing.  I expected one of them to correct the others at some point but instead they just went along with it.  Very discouraging.  

    • DreaYoungken98 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      @KirDBird I think part of the reason why no one corrected is because they assumed the first person to say "him" was right 

    • morrowkei FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      In my experience at least, Ali can be short for Alistair (got a cousin and someone from my old school with that name), which is a traditionally male name. And Ali can also be a woman's name. So it's pretty ambiguous?

  • Guy... FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    Judgemental people are created by living in a judgemental society and growing up in judgmental surroundings. Like almost everything else, it is a learned behavior.

  • Wadcroft FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Shameless Fiction Writer

    2 months ago

    Wasn't there this show called "Don't judge a book by its cover?" Ah. Found it: 


    Unsuspecting couple walking into a theater full of people who make Griffon and Geoff look almost pristine. Do they take their seat, or do they nope out of there? Now that was an exercise in quelling your prejudices.

    • RemyLeBro FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      Hey, I'd be freaked out too if literally everyone in a theater was staring at me. That or I'd wonder if I stepped into a theater that was rented out. But that's getting specific.

    • Praseodymium FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      I'd be annoyed to be a a theater that full of people in general. I swear, every time I go see a move, one in 4 other attendees can't shut the hell up, gets up to pee 10 times, or laughs and claps at every iota of comic relief. Those lads look like they just got out of a Judas Priest show, why wouldn't I want to see Star Wars with them? Better them than one tiny-bladdered 10 year old.

  • Psykoma FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    You can help not judging people. You just have to try.


    Saying "what's wrong with me" afterwards does not qualify as trying.  

    • 4ftofflame FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 months ago

      exactly, i know Tyler explained it a bit but i liked his original answer, just don't be an arsehole. it really is that simple.

  • DrumBoxyThng FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    2 months ago

    Man I wish I had Tyler's voice. Dat bass doe

    • Halakaj FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Slovene

      2 months ago

      Tyler Coe; That bass, doe.


      Coming this summer to radio shacks near you!

    • JayNut FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Verified RT Scrobbler

      2 months ago

      Ha, RadioShack.