The Jerk Off Text

Million Dollars, But...: The Jerk Off Text

Join Geoff, Greg, and Tim as they gain a million dollars but lose all their dignity.

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Comments (88)

  • EnderOfMidnight FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    3 weeks ago

    Hey, random unrelated question... Does anyone know where Geoff gets all his awesome shirts? Like the one he's wearing now?

  • Vash_Nightshade FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    7 months ago

    what if your grandparents were cremated? 

  • Legit-Purpose FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Legit Purpose

    8 months ago

    Geoff said: Say your mom cums where you live... 

    Did you do that intentionally Geoff?

  • tariqul FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tesla

    1 year ago

    Well Kara already pantsed Geoff. So of course he'd do it for money.

  • persimelinoe

    1 year ago

    Wait, what if you were conceived in an orgy?

    • Pulse99

      1 year ago

      Group text. 

  • tw11nGem11n11 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Swarm of Vengeful Crows

    1 year ago

    my grandparents are all in china, by the time they walk through th bottom of the ocean im already dead

  • melkomorgoth FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    I don't understand why they have the intro card for the scenarios before they've even introduced themselves.

  • baecaughtme FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    I'll just leave this here

  • little_mixer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Galaxy Space Princess

    1 year ago

    Greg is growing on me, i liked tim from the get go and geoff...well geoff is awesome...every episode of MDB keeps getting better and better

  • DaddysLittleMonster FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold I Eat Shades Of Red

    1 year ago

    So we've had Burnie, Gus, and now Geoff on this show. Now I want to see Joel and Matt.


    ... And then one where they're all together.

    • St_franz FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Joelaholic

      1 year ago

      I realkly want to hear the stuff Joel comes up with joel-32.png 

    • Xhianil FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Joel would be, you get a million dollars, but then you get hear from Joel for the next fortnight about double gold and how it doesn't add up X3

    • michellejc FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold 血の花

      7 months ago

      They really have to do this. xD

  • LCPeter

    1 year ago

    It would be kinda jokes if the dead people went  all world war Z and just sprinted at you. Like just imagine that. With an old person.

  • SarahWithStars FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold No Family Bias- Honest

    1 year ago

    geoff : my podcast set


    Say whaaaa? It is Michael's podcast set


    **runs away from Geoff**

    • Peanut1996 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Geoff is the executive producer  geoff-32.png

  • lcephoenix FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Loved Geoff's outro, haha!

  • gem_scheltema FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTBox reviews each month

    1 year ago

    I just realised (as an Australian) Americans do not say 'dacked' when referring to pulling somebody's pants down...I honestly have never heard of the term 'pantsed' before!

    • jaxcb FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Also Australian. Have never heard someone use "dacked", although I know of the word. The only time I ever came across the word that I remember was on the name of a book.

    • TaylaMaree FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RT SuperFan

      1 year ago

      Also Australian, @jaxcb how have you never heard someone say dacked before? That's literally so common around where I am lol

    • gem_scheltema FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTBox reviews each month

      1 year ago

      That's interesting. I'm almost 100% certain the term dacked comes from the phrase 'trackie dacks' aka trackpants. Perhaps it's like the whole potato cakes vs potato scallops, and togs vs bathers that differs from region to region

    • jaxcb FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      I think it's probably because we're from different locations. I don't really come across too much Australian stereotypical stuff anyway. I have literally never heard someone with a discernible Australian accent in person. I don't hear too many slang phrases either, just a few words. Go figure.

    • gem_scheltema FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTBox reviews each month

      1 year ago

      Oh, yeah, the bogan accent is not really obvious in most people. When I'm angry it is more prominent. There are some words that you can really hear the accent in.

    • ChillOut28 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      well I'm mexican and I have nooo idea what you're all talking about

  • SamuelF FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    what if you got pantsed and your penis was hard 

    • LCPeter

      1 year ago

      Its probably like a coat hook and you cant pull it off

  • Raventhor FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    The grandparents one really reminds me of the classic snail question

  • Legit-Purpose FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Legit Purpose

    1 year ago

    How can I watch your stuff if you don't put out another Happy Hour episode? 

  • Leentvaar FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Dumb Nerd

    1 year ago

    Greg put way too much thought into his scenario and I didn't expect anything less.

  • RoloKlassen FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    My mom would get a text every time I go to bed, I'm alright with that 

  • Dum8kid FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    All I could think of at the end of it was how much more empty Geoff's cup was, and how it fits his personality based on what I know about him.

  • Tactlesss FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Greg's was so depressing

  • HenceMyIssue FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Didn't realize how badly I wanted Geoff in more live action things until right now. I miss it!

  • ElkDAWG FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    so when people pants you, are they aware of why they are pants-ing you, or do they just feel the compulsion to do it to you and they just have that look of horror and embarrassment after?

  • kyle-michael-cox FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    "Oh hi...we didn't see you walk in..."


    This had me rolling for some reason.

  • Tehshedow425 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Personally,I don't masturbate so the first one is free!

    I'm lying of course

  • koroxus FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    10/10

  • peetey FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Am I cool yet?

    1 year ago

    Does anyone else look at how much beer they started with and ended with?

    • gem_scheltema FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTBox reviews each month

      1 year ago

      Well, Gavin mentioned (I think on the most recent podcast) that they edit these episodes down to a very short amount of time vs. how long they actually talk for. I think he said they discuss each scenario for up to 20 minutes (I'm sick so don't trust me on remembering that number) - so their beer is bound to get drunk.

  • Gamer3427 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold taC terceS

    1 year ago

    Yes to all three. The first one it's "fuck it, I have a million dollars, why do I care?", the second is "why wouldn't I take a million dollars for this?", and the third is, "that sucks, but it IS a million dollars"......

  • Crippman

    1 year ago

    Well shit my grandfather died young as a Air-force vet so no I think I am not gonna risk it

  • TimberWolffe FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TimberWolffe

    1 year ago

    I'd take dead grandparents just because my only dead grandparent had MS so he can't walk anyway

    • AaronKehrer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Dark.

  • TheRTV FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Round Peg in Square Hole

    1 year ago

    I wouldn't do the pants thing, but not because my mom would know. I wouldn't do it because of the conversations I know she'd have with me. (Imagine the following in a light Filipino accent) "Is it because you don't have a girlfriend? You know it's not good for you to masturbate so much!" Plus she'd tell my dad and my brother. Oh man, the shit my brother would give me. Not worth it at all LoL

    • milkypixel FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Leader of the Pixel Army

      1 year ago

      I actually imagined this in a combined accent of all my aunties xD

  • Orrenman FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Don't Call it a Comeback

    1 year ago

    i like how you could tell that they wheren't completely able to got Geoff to cooperate with filming some of the scenes. notice how he never speaks with someone else voice or mannerisms. love that theme in MDB, so the absence of it was just noticable.


    you keep trucking geoff.

  • Mac_or_Mac

    1 year ago

    watching this at school is flipping frightening. I'm continuously looking around...

    • Gamer3427 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold taC terceS

      1 year ago

      Couldn't that be said with 90% of the content connected to AH in some way?

  • frank4t FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    caboose-32.png 

  • TheSnowFox FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Lone Wanderer

    1 year ago

    Yes to all three. Great one keep them coming.

  • gawshawg FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Here's one for Greg: 1 million dollars, but you can NEVER take off your clothes in public again!

    • CLJones517 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Greg wouldn't do that for a billion dollars.

    • danthemuffinman FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Youtube/user/Thedan7933

      1 year ago

      but how will he be funny if he doesn't constantly do something with his nipples?

  • Arizona_Joe FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Masterbate - No

    Getting Pants pulled down - Yes but only if it's truly random

    Dead Grandparents - Hell No I'm not gonna put them through that misery

    • TheSnowFox FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Lone Wanderer

      1 year ago

      That's the thing does it count if it isn't random? How do you know if your good to go to Disney land if it doesn't count that guy could have been a troll?

  • CreepyStains FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Geoff was great in this. It reminds me of all the classic RT shorts with Geoff in them.

  • skyform FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    LoL @Greg. "That's not the name..."

  • GanglyLimbs9947 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    I would do the first two but not the last, solely because I really only know one of my grandparents but if he came back I wouldn't be able to handle knowing he's in pain. Glad to see more Geoff, Greg, and Tim. Hope to see them again soon!

  • luckysimon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Um, did I miss something or did they not say if they would/wouldn't do the last one? Did they forget or was it an editing mistake?

  • aceles1 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    I saw geoff and I couldn't click faster

  • lavamoose FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    i would do all but the Jerk Off Text

  • AlthiosGames FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Love these guys lol 

  • cobiwankenobi

    1 year ago

    Geoff for sure gave Gavin the jerk off scenario in a minecraft video

    • NicolaiAAA FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      1 year ago

      Ok, I knew I wasn't the only one who remembered that, though I thought it was Gavin who offered it up because....Gavin. xD

  • tahupierce FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Geoff's intro and outro were funnier than the episode

  • Kaotix FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Greg's initial "Oh no" reaction to Tim's scenario is pretty funny.

  • ThomasDCline FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    I swear Geoff's Million Dollar question was from a Let's Build...


    People never forget.

    • JCLegoMan FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Too poor for double gold

      1 year ago

      Yup, he changed it though, it was originally every time you have sex your mom gets a text.

  • fredjbarber FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    Geoff secretly loves doing live action. Deep down.

  • SellsBells FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    1 year ago

    When I saw the title I thought it was going to be A million Dollars but, you receive random texts that says you have to masturbate right now.