So as I said before this was an experimental build and I wasn’t expecting much from it. As for his conscience and stuff I get where you see the problem in his story. Yes he did rip the spikes out of his back and he didn’t really care. So what didn’t you like about the faunus ability and how how could I make it better.
Create a character for RWBY
#33719762 - 7 months ago
hmm...this is just an idea but what if your oc started with only one arm also will you consider using the idea that he was grimmatize veva an "accident" like he came in contact with a goop,gas,what ever that it made out of what grimm's are made of?
it will be a easy way to explain why his armor power is so grimm looking and hell wile your at it you can throw in other stuff grim have in the bio like the ability to sent's Nativity emotions witch now i think about it that ability can give him the reason to leave for he literally felt just how evil they are.
VoshTheStampede For Science
#33719764 - 7 months ago
This makes no sense. Also, characters belonging to Salem's group is super overdone as well, especially among inexperienced newbies.
I feel like we've entered a new era where the new people are making all the old mistakes again.
#33719785 - 7 months ago
Again this was an experiment and it clearly didn’t work the way I expected it to, but the feedback has been helpful. The whole reason I made this oc is because I wanted to build something with an arm that was Grimm b/c it sounded cool. Creating something like that is hard since there is really only one known way to have someone become part Grimm.
#33719795 - 7 months ago
well when i read your oc bio, power's, and skill set the thought of "what if the grimm aspect did more then change his arm" witch give him the some of the vantage the grimm have but it also gave him there weakness also.
to elaborate on sed weakness let say the idea i gave of the grimm goo turn him umm...let go with 15% grimm for this. now do to the fact he 15% grimm that also mean he lost 15% of his aura economy.
basically what im saying is yes he gain a strength or power the other hunters don't have how ever he also gain a weakens along with it.
VoshTheStampede For Science
#33719796 - 7 months ago
b/c it sounded cool
Things that sound cool in theory can often come across as shallow and trite in practice. That's because it's not hard to make an edgy overpowered character. In fact, it's very easy. Which is why it's frowned upon: it demonstrates a lack of creativity. This makes the character boring at best and annoying at worst, and no one's gonna want to read or care about such a character.
#33719800 - 7 months ago
well ill also emit making a edgy character is easy how ever make the reason why there edgy is another story.
let use velvet from tales of berseria as a sample. (keeping this short in terms of giving no spoilers for the game) in the beginning of the game she was your normal doting older sister of a sick boy but when her brother was killed in a way that she never forgive the killer for what he did it turn her in to a woman who she have zero intrast in others and will use any one and any thing to get her revenge.
#33719802 - 7 months ago
Name: Sina Cluaran
Species: Faunus (Donkey)
Colours: thistle-purple, light grey, artichoke green, black
Aura colour: thistle-purple
Personality: She is stubborn. Must always get her will. Learns to put her wishes after the needs of her team, though. Swears a lot. Honest, pragmatic, reliable. Sometimes verbally abusive. She has been a nervous person since she was a kid. If she just sits down somewhere, she feels like she is wasting time.
Would die for her family, especially all of her brothers, who she loves more than anything.
She appears tough on the outside, but she just tries to cover up her many insecurities and soft spots. Her Faunus trait is more distinct than anyone else’s, which makes her doubt her humanity. Although people rarely talk about it, she feels stared at, even in Menagerie, and it makes it difficult for her to dress properly. She hates this in particular, because she is interested in fashion.
Appearance: Her Faunus traits are her donkey legs. She is a donkey from the waist down, to be precise. She walks a bit weirdly because of it. The fur of her animal part is light grey and velvety.
Her eyes are dark green, her hair is grey with purple highlights, she wears dreads. Has a snub nose and light skin. She is really small, a bit stocky, but with trained muscles.
She tries to cover her legs and tail with an unobtrusive black skirt, for this is the only thing she can move in. Also wears a flashy purple top with her emblem, a thistle, cut out. Carries a big, green bag pack with some loops on the left side to fix her weapon on. Usually she wears earrings, necklaces, makeup and everything that could distract people from her legs.
Maybe has a Scottish accent.
Weapon of Choice: Cactus flower
It’s a green wooden mace with spikes all over. It has a slight curvature, so when skilfully thrown it returns to his owner, like a boomerang. Heavy. Sometimes it blooms. In fact, it isn’t crafted, but a living plant, a “Iron Tumble-Cactus” (name suggestion anyone?), that can be found in the desserts of Menagerie. This plant grows so slow, it takes 50 years to get a meter tall. Like Tumbleweed it is often not fixed to the ground and just rolls through the sand, because of this it can stand long periods without water or nutrients.
Skills: Even though her legs look clumsy, she can use them to run fast and do jumps and backflips, and they’re perfect for kicking people behind her. She is strong enough to through and catch her weapon like a boomerang.
She can carry heavy weights over long distances.
She has a bit of a natural authority, because she had to get along with all her older brothers when she was little. Despite her being nasty sometimes she gives great motivational speeches. She was the only one being able to control and contain Adam a bit.
When she doesn’t move, her aura recharges way faster than normally. She really has to stand still, don’t blink, best not even breathe. This makes her profit from situations where people freeze or stun her and think she is contained, because she can then use her regained strength to break free. She usually uses it for recharging after some exchange of blows and dashing against her enemies with force. Has potential in combination with Jaune’s Semblance.
Fighting style: She is a reckless tanky fighter. Even though she never was trained in a huntsmen academy, she has good basic moveset, including boxing, kicking, hitting with her mace Cactus Flower, backflips and jumps, throwing and catching her weapon and dashing at her enemies. She has a good muscle memory and is generally good at learning new moves.
However, she has no idea about tactical fighting. She doesn’t worry about defensive strategies and even if she has almost infinite stamina, she can be exhausted by a clever opponent. When under proper guidance she can be an efficient team member.
Fights best in plain and open terrain.
History: She comes from a working-class Faunus family. Her parents worked in Atlas in the Dust mines to earn a living for the lifestyle in Menagerie and their many children. All in the family have horse-like features, like ears, tails, hooves or a mane. Sina’s favourite brother is Achrom, a calm guy with zebra ears, who would always listen to her complaining about life. The whole family loves to run, so this was an important family activity. Sina was be the slowest, but the one with the most stamina.
Unlike Blake, Ocean or Adam, she comes from a poor family, that is not only seen as scum from the humans of Atlas, but also questioned by the Faunus in Menagerie, because they were not to educated and the parents “sold themselves” to humans. This is the reason why she could identify with Adams ideas and why she could justify using force to build a world where she would be accepted.
She joined the White Fang after she finished school, lived in Menagerie for a while, but when she was 21 years old, her parents were too old to work in the dust mines, so Sina and Achrom went to Atlas and worked there instead. The Atlas section of the White Fang is even more “underground” than the other groups, and it has far more secret members. They are a bit independent of the rest of the organisation.
The fellows she works most with in the dust mines are an older man with floppy dog ears, a young woman with cat ears and a young man with the tail feathers of a rooster.
She lives in a small flat in Atlas with her brother Achrom and his boyfriend.
Because of recent events she is forced to work together with some of her childhood friends to form team OASS (oasis).
Likes: Her brother; good beer;food in general; making fun of people; compliments; her weapon; long walks; karaoke; (secretly Ocean)
Hates: Her legs; people talking bad about her, her family and her friends; water (because of her legs she’s a bad swimmer)
#33719843 - 7 months ago
I think maybe you should be prioritizing personality over powers rather than the other way around. If people don't care about the character as a person, then there's not much, if any incentive for them to stick around to even see the powers shown off.
#33719861 - 7 months ago
That makes a lot of sense. If I make a cybernetic oc it will be more of a personality thing on how maybe he wants to improve on his body which he considers inadequate or something. But yeah if you can’t build a personality for a character it becomes boring unless what you plan to use him as is just fighting.
#33719873 - 7 months ago
Not entirely what I meant, but giving him a goal is better than having the personality be a complete afterthought. I more meant that maybe you should avoid focusing on powers at all until you've figure out what will work for the personality you're writing. Take for example one of my OC's (namely the one I've openly admitted I can't stop raving about), Nephrite Sin. I didn't come up with his semblance until long after I had his personality figured out, and the semblance was meant to accent his life style (it's a poison-cure-all kind of semblance but he most often uses it to sober up after a night of heavy drinking). When I first made him, I tried to give him a personality that was not only interesting, but believable and deeper than one first expects. Nephrite's surface personality is that he's a egocentric flirt with a fondness for parties and little understanding of the term "formality". However, while all of that is a completely accurate description of Nephrite, that's not all there is to him. He never says it openly (at least not in any situation that isn't severe), but he cares for every member of his team as if they were family, more so than he cares about himself. He's loyal to a fault, and while it's far from easy to make him sad, if something DOES make him sad, he becomes a totally depressed mess. Nephrite's happiness and overall emotional stability are only as safe as his teammates are. He's a defied cliche. On the surface, he's just another egocentric joke character. But if you look at his behaviors carefully, even when he's acting completely normal, you'll see that he doesn't have the emotional depth of a kiddy pool.
And as for what you mentioned about this potential OC of yours having a personality involving a desire to improve his cybernetics, here's a question for you: "Why does his personality have to be centered around his powers?" That kinda falls into the same trap as before. You're still prioritizing the powers because you're shaping the personality to serve said power set. Here's a golden rule of character creation: "If this character were to have all their special powers taken away, would they still be interesting? If they had no grimm arm, no cybernetics, no semblance, no anything, would you still want to root for them as a protagonist (or antagonist, depending on the kind of story you're writing)?" If Ruby suddenly didn't have super speed, wouldn't we still want her to win? If Yang couldn't dish damage back twice as hard, or Blake couldn't make shadow clones, wouldn't we still want them to survive all the shit they go through? If Weiss lost all her glyph abilities, sure her fight scenes would probably be a lot less diverse and eye catching, but wouldn't we still be cheering for her to slap that smug grin off her dads face before the series ends? Try asking yourself similar questions about your characters. If you took away all the things that only matter in a fight sequence, are they still likable on any level?
#33719881 - 7 months ago
I completely understand what you’re saying. Also your oc Nephrite actually reminded me of a character who I was thinking of making who is a lot like Qrow in a way but in essence he is a drunken master. Which means that he would drink heavily but that he would use that and incorporate that into how he operates. If you’ve ever played dungeons and dragons it’s is based off of something from that and a character I created for a pirate campaign I’m in.
#33719963 - 7 months ago
If I remember correctly, having "Grimm parts" wouldn't so much result in less Aura as much as it would simply mean you have no Aura in that part of your body, so it's entirely undefended. That was the case with Cinder!
(Yes I know everyone has moved on from this idea but I just wanted to bring this point up whoops)
#33720082 - 7 months ago
I'm working on writing another one featuring Nephrite's adopted younger brother, Aspen, who's a member of the SIN-dicate's recon team, and Zondigen, who's part of the main team and is considered the most innocent and precious out of all the SIN-dicate characters.