I think "LOTS" would be a better arrangement of the letters to make it sound like "Lotus", but yeah, I'd definitely say that fits the color rule. If team "FNKY" is acceptable then "LOTS" should have no problems.
Create a character for RWBY
#33730611 - 2 months ago
So here's another OC I've been working on, the leader of Team LOTS (Lotus). Feel free to add some constructive criticism!
Name: Lim Longwei (Chinese for “jade dragon greatness”)
Race: Reptile Faunus
Description: Lim normally dons a sleeveless, camouflaged button-down shirt with a dark gray sleeveless overcoat and ripped khakis. He never wears shoes, mainly to keep traction with his toughened dry feet when climbing up walls or running. Lim also never wears sleeves, mainly because there are few shirts that can fully hide his scaly reptilian arms. He also keeps his red hair slicked back, but never tidy. His tall stature and thick musculature easily identify him as the leader of his team.
Weapon of choice: Serpentine Arbiter, a forked baton that doubles as a grapple gun, and triples as a retractable bo staff. A ring on the baton handle rotates to change function; when shifted to the left, prongs flip up from the sides and fires off a claw attached to an electrifiable string when a “whipping” motion is made away from him and retracts when he whips the stave back towards him. When the ring is shifted to the right, the stave fully extends into a staff and retracts when the lower handle is put back in “idle” position.
Semblance and other abilities: Psionic Tracking. Lim can psychically retrace an individual’s steps from up to 48 hours prior; this includes possible conversations with other individuals, as well as anything else his target may have noticed in their peripheral vision. To initiate this ability, however, he must have had prior physical contact with his target of some sort, as simple as bumping into them during a walk. Lim’s reptilian arms are also capable of super strength, the ability to climb up walls and hang from ledges; as well, he is very quick and agile, somehow capable of slipping through relatively small spaces. Lim is also remarkably immune to several types of poison, which he may have gained during his many bounties.
Personality: Lim gains a great degree of euphoria when it comes to combat or the thrill of the hunt. He was conditioned since he was a child to enjoy fighting and being the honorable leader of a pack of mercenaries fueled his love of the chase. Normally, Lim speaks with honest and cordial intent, but can be provoked under the most unorthodox of circumstances, mainly pertaining to his families. His euphoria is the main drive to keep himself in a professional mood when talking with clients about tracking a target and is at times difficult to hide if the target is very well-known. Said euphoria is also kept on a subconscious leash, lest he defy or fail his contract. Lim is usually capable of centering his excitement on his target, never going out of his way to harm innocents.
History: Lim Longwei was born on the shores of Menagerie, to a lizard Faunus father and a dog Faunus mother. Unfortunately, the time he was born was also around the time that the White Fang organization became more militaristic in its approaches to Faunus rights, and Lim and his parents volunteered to join when he became older. He was taught by his parents to both love the chase and be honorable during battle. Even after his parents passed away, Lim continued to serve the White Fang’s ideals until Sienna Khan came into power, where his fellow Faunuses became more violent and irrational in his eyes; seeing no honor in savagery, Lim and a small group of sympathizers silently left the White Fang while he was still considered one of its greatest assets, even by their then-leader Sienna.
Not soon after, Lim decided to organize his fellow dissidents into LOTS (pronounced “lotus” and alternatively known as “the Harbingers”), a noble pay-to-hire mercenary group hiring out to clients deemed worthy of their time. Due to their low-profile status, they were virtually untraceable by even Atlas technology and their about-face to their White Fang training made them virtually invisible to the public eye.
In the aftermath of a mission to hunt down a possible saboteur in the Schnee Dust Company, Lim and the Harbingers would come to find that they were hired by none other than the SDC’s Cyan Claudas, who himself had connections to LOTS’ previous clients. Claudas claimed that he had been watching them and saw the potential in their mercenary work to act as black ops agents of the SDC. Lim agreed to Claudas’s terms on the condition that he wouldn’t be separated from his newfound family (but if necessary, he could communicate with them wirelessly) and that they would be offered the latest technology Claudas’s “empire” had developed. While the rest of LOTS had been spread by the blue-clad businessman to the other regions of Remnant to watch over the “threads” of his web, Lim remained Claudas’s personal tracker not only at Claudas’s request, but also so Lim himself would be able to ensure that his benefactor would continue to hold his side of the bargain.
Likes: The thrill of the hunt, honorable actions, opponents who can stand up to him, utmost stealth
Dislikes: Negative mention of his families, disobedience from his “pack”, incomplete deals, harming innocents
#33730677 - 2 months ago
I would recommend staying away from giving two teammates graphing guns. It risk duplicating ability and combat styles. Also the arsenal of weapons for one character might be a bit much. it doesn't really fit the RWBY style. you could have the pistol join with the sword become the pool cue
#33730687 - 2 months ago
In reply to PaperGodzilla I'm assuming the parts about the arsenal and pool cue were meant for my character, Jack Noir. While I appreciate the input, I don't think I'm going to be making any major changes to Jack's weapons at this point. Combining the sword and pistol to make the pool cue would defeat the purpose of having it, as it is meant to be a surprise melee weapon he uses to fend of people that try to close with him. I admit that having so many different weapons is unconventional, but it's meant to play into Jack's character; he was dissatisfied with how quickly he mastered his initial weapons (the sword and pistol), so he created a whole new set of weapons and techniques to master, all based off of some of his favorite hobbies, as a sort of challenge for himself. Each member of this team has something about them them that, on paper, makes it seem like they shouldn't or wouldn't be able to be Hunters, but they make it work anyways. I promise not to give anyone else such an arsenal for a while, if ever, but an unconventional and out there setup just worked for Jack.
#33730709 - 2 months ago
*cracks knuckles* Ok, now that I haven't been awake for 15 hours, time to review this character (or try to to anyways. I still don't think I'm very good at explaining what I mean 90% of the time).
Name: Fits the color rule. Therefor it's ok.
Weapons: Ok, I have multiple problems with this. First off, I have to agree with the general consensus that this collection of normal weapons as opposed to one or two transforming weapons doesn't feel very RWBY-ish, but that's the more minor of my issues with this. You expect me to believe that a 17 year old, someone who is legally still a CHILD and is only old enough to have started their first year at Beacon, is somehow a master of not one, not two, but FIVE weapons!?!?! I don't care if this guy is suppose to be some kind of prodigy or something. 10,000 hours is the estimated amount of time it takes for someone to become an expert at something. Now I'll be generous and assume he is some kind of prodigy and cut that number to 9,000. There are only 8,760 hours in a year. Assuming primary combat schools like Signal have 4 year terms like secondary combat schools do, that means he has 35,040 hours before he turns 17 (the age at which students would normally move on from primary combat school to secondary combat school). HOWEVER, with FIVE weapons and an estimated 9,000 hours per mastery, he'd need 45,000 hours! Even if he never eats, sleeps, or takes a break from training, he STILL wouldn't have enough time to master even FOUR weapons IN FOUR YEARS! And that's a GENEROUS estimate! I know he's not attending combat schools, he's being trained as one of those nomad clans, but I highly doubt he started his training THAT much earlier! .......Ok, rant over. I think I made my point.
Semblance: I'd complain about the name being misleading, but I'm guessing he named it that specifically to mislead people. Seems balanced, but maybe make some mention of the aura cost?
Fighting style: Nothing to really say here. The fighting style itself seems fine as long as it ties in well with his personality, but you're certainly playing up how he's some kind of prodigy without using the term.
History: .........."Showed little interest in his training".......... I refer you back to what I said in the weapons section! And....no info on HOW Bennu managed to beat him despite all previous implications saying he'd loose again?!? NOTHING?!? Ya know what, that's not the biggest problem here. Interactions with cannon characters is considered a BIG no-no in OC creation, and Emerald seems kinda out of character here as well. Why would she play poker with some rando when in the show (season 2 episode 1) she seemed to prefer avoiding students unless it was for the sake of gaining information (note that she rejected Ruby's offer to grab some victory food and made the excuse of her team mates being introverted). Heck, how do you know if she even knows how to play poker?! For all we know, she's never picked up a card deck in her life! And why would she give away information like the white fang being pawns!? That seems unreasonably stupid for her! This seems very much like a ploy to have your OCs interact with cannon characters, which again, is a BIG no-no!
Personality: Nothing wrong here. It's actually very creative. I like the idea of a prodigy that's constantly aggravated at never being challenged. It's a unique spin on the "naturally skilled (blank)" trope that you don't see very often.
Well, that wraps up that review. Hope I didn't sound too harsh, I just really try to make sure that the reason why I'm complaining about something shows. Also, I recently made a gambler themed OC from Atlas too (although she's no where near finished yet). Wonder who would win in a game of poker, Jack or Carmine?
#33730771 - 2 months ago
In reply to Jacinta-Capelety Thanks for the feedback, looks like I've got another rewrite to work on. Yeah, in retrospect I probably shouldn't have tied things so directly to the main story, I'll definitely drop that part. I'm not sure why I never used the term "prodigy", if it makes the description seem weird I'll try to use it few times.
To clarify a few other points:
- When I said he "showed little interest in training", I was speaking more about his level of enthusiasm than how much effort he put into the training. It was more a matter of attitude.
- In the Nomads, especially the major families, children who show potential are allowed to start training from a very young age, and Jack always knew he wanted to be a Hunter, so in my head-canon he's had about 10 years of training at present. Granted, that wouldn't all be as intense as combat school training, but I feel like that amount of time, in addition to his natural talent, makes it work. Also, he's only "mastered" the sword, pistol, and cards. The chips aren't really something that one can master, and he only uses Breaker to buy some space before he goes back to throwing cards, so while he is skilled with it he's not a master at staff fighting.
- Not every character in RWBY has a transforming weapon (Weiss, Flynt, Yatsuhasi). I know having so many weapons is a bit out there, but it just came together so well for both his image and personality. I'm not going to make it a habit, but I think I'm gonna stick with it for Jack.
As for the poker game, Carmine better have a good poker face; Jack is good at spotting tells and counting cards.
#33730802 - 2 months ago
No, I only started work on her about a week ago (and I very quickly got distracted when I got inspiration for Avaro). I have some general ideas in mind, but her overall backstory and more in depth personality traits still need a bit of work. Plus I'm a master procrastinator, so any and all projects or characters I work on will probably take about double the time it would take someone else, minimum (RWBY weapons and semblances are the bane of my existence). Plus she's not a student OC, she's part of an organization I created called the SIN-dicate (they're named after the family that founded them, they're no where near as bad as the name would make you think), so even once I get her bio done, I'd probably have to explain the SIN-dicate before her bio could make total sense.
#33730822 - 2 months ago
Avaro Engracia, yeah (he's also a member of the SIN-dicate). As for the weapon, not really. When I get frustrated with a certain aspect of the character creation process, I tend to stay away from that aspect for several days until I work up some motivation to try again. I'm trying to work a bit more on Carmine at the moment because I actually have less ideas for Avaro's backstory than I have for Carmine's. It's not easy to write backstories for characters who are meant to be a casual douche, because you need a reason for them to act like a douche, without them being a villain (the fact that the SIN-dicate is meant to be seen as good guys with a bit of moral-gray when it comes to the law doesn't help).
#33730840 - 2 months ago
*sighs* ANOTHER 2edgy4u character Firemane? How many times have you been advised against this? I lost count after it hit double digits. Also, I'm not a fan of anything from DC, so correct me if I'm wrong, but even I'm finding her to be oddly similar to Harley Quin. There are a LOT of problems I could list with this character, but knowing you track record for saying you'll take advice, and then actively NOT taking that advice, I'm not gonna waste my time.
#33730844 - 2 months ago
In reply to FlameHaze001 I'd stay away from full-on psychotic burn-the-world-to-ashes-for-giggles characters. They tend to be boring, one-dimensional characters who might be good for a one-off in a crime drama but not as recurring characters. Give a character like this a compelling backstory and set some limits on what they'll do and they can be interesting, but as-is I can swap the name with half a dozen other characters I know of and the personality reads about the same.
#33730856 - 2 months ago
I wanted to get a second opinion on something real quick. I'm trying to write up the history section of Carmine's bio, but I needed to mention her dad, so I'm trying to decide on a name for him. I was considering the name Baize, which is that (often green) material that casinos use for card and snooker tables, which I figured fits with the color rule, and I imagined his hair being that shade of green anyways. What I'm worried about is how easily it can be misread as Blaize, which, while it would still fit the color rule, gives off a VERY different color idea than what I'm going for. What do you guys think?
#33730857 - 2 months ago
In reply to Jacinta-Capelety Having not spent much (any) time in casinos, I admit the reference would have gone right over my head, but the idea sounds workable. How much does the last name connect to casinos? If both names are connected you should be good, if not I might make one last pass for something more recognizable, but if that doesn't work then go for it!
#33730862 - 2 months ago
The last name is Claret, which is a dark purple-ish red, and is the same shade of red as that some red wines (according to the Comprehensive List of Color Names put together by a member of this forum who doesn't seem to be here as much anymore). I guess I'll look for something else then.
#33730868 - 2 months ago
In reply to FlameHaze001 If your looking for a transformation options for that RWBY feel, I have a few options. for you to consider. one have the swords hilt extended into pole for greater reach. Glaive,or Podao, both single edged sword like blades on the end of poles for improved hacking. anther weapon is a Voulge also know as a pole cleaver. a cleaver type blade with a spike for stabbing also the way this weapon attaches to a pole makes it easier to work a gun into the weapon. if you decide to use a fire armed I would recommend something brutal like a shotguns, anther option is infuse the blade with gravity dust you could increase the weight of the blade when you strike. could also use it to throw you or your opponent into the air when you strike with the blade.
#33730880 - 2 months ago
In reply to Jacinta-Capelety Oh. Doubling down is an option in black jack. You basically double your bet, take one more card, and hope you win. It's also just used as an expression for taking an additional risk, typically in the hope of a larger gain. If you want to know about a bit about the games, just get on wikipedia. I'm fairly certain that won't get you put on any watch lists. Probably...
#33730882 - 2 months ago
Back when I was struggling to figure out a combination for Avaro's weapon, I tried to look up knife fighting to get inspiration (it didn't help). If that didn't put me on a watch list, I doubt I'll get put on one for looking up the rules to games that can legally be played if you go to the right place. Also, I think I decided on a name for Carmine's dad: Copper Claret. I figured it fits because I gave him green hair and brown eyes, and copper is a brown metal that turns green when it oxidizes.
Sooooo...... She's a girl version of Tyrian?