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The Cataclysmic ConundrumDave Snyder (NYC) once posed a theoretical question that lingers in my mind. The question has inspired both dizzying debates and switchblade stabbings to the thoraxes of many an eager deliberator.

A question of this magnitude deserves a name. Therefore, I named it the “Cataclysmic Conundrum.❠The Cataclysmic Conundrum lacks purpose, conceivability, and reasonableness. However, for what it lacks in these areas, the Cataclysmic Conundrum allows people to endlessly discuss the merits of both sides of the scenario.

The Cataclysmic Conundrum goes as follows:

If placed in an arena, what would win: a T-Rex or 100,000 Turkeys?

Without purpose? Inconceivable? Unreasonable? Of course.

Nevertheless, the question merits an answer—or at least an argument or two.

Dave quickly arose as the greatest proponent of the T-Rex.

I favor the gobblers.

Dave and I have confronted friends and family members with this question. Some laugh, some discuss, some scoff, and some question our sanity.

Dave desperately felt the need though to take the Cataclysmic Conundrum to an upper echelon of debate.

He started asking obscure celebrities at book signings.

The Mac Guy from the commercials qualifies as the first celebrity to answer the Cataclysmic Conundrum.

Then Ken Jennings (the Jeopardy Champion) answered.

I will allow Dave Snyder to discuss their answers in detail if he so wishes.

In an effort to ask the Cataclysmic Conundrum to as many celebrities as possible, I ventured to BU Central to ask Johnny Knoxville (Jackass) the apocalyptic question.

The conversation transpired thusly:

Me: Johnny, I have a hypothetical question for you.
Johnny (visibly hung-over): Hypothetical? Ok, what is it?
Me: Who would win in a fight: a T-Rex or 100,000 turkeys?
Johnny (nonchalantly): Hmmm, T-Rex or 100,000 turkeys…™m going to go with the turkeys. Strength in numbers.
Me: Thanks Johnny.

Slate one celebrity to the side of the turkeys.

I hope the Cataclysmic Conundrum grows to a cult status once we get enough celebrities to answer it. Perhaps that pushes realistic goals, but the journey should provide moments of confused hilarity.

I will keep this updated whenever a new celebrity answers the question.
#1  Posted 8 years ago  |  Reply  |  Quote
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eponymous Forum Mod
No matter how erudite, it's still a god-damned versus thread.

Make it a journal.
#2  Posted 8 years ago  |  Reply  |  Quote
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