Trusting my idiotic family to understand that "Leave this door closed," actually means "Leave this door closed," and not "As soon as I've walked away, please immediately reopen this door and let the cat outside, leaving me to catch her. Again."
Alright I got one, recently about a month ago I purchased a copy of mass effect 3 and I also have a Kinect, so I would use a lot of the connects capabilities including voice control. as a joke every time I heavy melee somebody I would scream out falcon punch. What I did not tell was my older sister, who tends to jump on my games even if she doesn't know what shes is doing and the first place, that was not real command. I walk in to discover my sister face-to-face with the enemy phantom scearming out the words falcon punch, falcon punch, falcon punch as many times as she can muster and as loud as she can. When she would give me quizzical look and asked why it's not working I simply said maybe you are not saying it right. I continued to laugh for the next 25 minutes.
My little sister cam across Jacques Cousteau in her school work. Not knowing how to pronounce his name, she asked mom for help. Unfortunately, mom couldn't pronounce it either. After laughing at their struggles for a good 5 or 10 minutes, I proceeded to try and explain to them how to say it correctly. The closest they could eventually get was "Josh Guhsto."
My father was watching TV about exorcism and suddenly he started acting all happy and stuff, he said he never felt so good in his life and the exorcist probably got rid of demon in him.... epic facepalm.
Me and my girlfriend were playing with our cats (both males) then all of the sudden she says "Oh my god, honey! The cats have nipples!" I tell her with a calm voice "Yes sweetie, all mammals have nipples."
Okay, so this is the stupid stuff that has happened in the last few weeks. I've been yelled at by french homeless people, almost thrown out by the Swiss guard in the Vatican, tore my hoodie in half, purchased an Iron Man mask and hand cannon, and fell through the backside of a train bed/sofa thing.
My dad used to have this response for whenever someone asked him for a match, he would reply "Yeah, your face and my ass". So one day he asked my sister if she had a match to which she responded. "Yeah, my face and your ass!".
This will take a while, and it will be a massive wall of text... But okay.
I'm certain I mentioned this before, but I had purchased a foam nerf waraxe with a couple of buddies of mine. We were messin around, smacking one another with the axes (generally in the back of the knees, that would make us fall like nothing else you see). Well, Ryan, being the oblivious fool he is, smacks me square in the nuts. I cringe in terror and laughs follow a few minutes after the foam from my mouth settled (metaphorically, of course). That's the axe-to-balls story, but now on to when I made my journey to Europe.
Alright, so there's this school trip that I had been saving up for during the last 7-8 months, and we had finally departed. First we went to London where I'm almost certain no stupidity was had...Except perhaps the toilets in Europe. Let's just say they don't handle matter as well as our supposedly hurricane force toilets in North America. Saw some fancy sites, confused the townspeople with the mass swarm of Canadians wearing red jackets with "CANADA" boldly printed on the back, and generally enjoyed myself there overall. Then there was France. France was, shall we say, a bit of a mess. Within the first 48 hours I was there my group was followed by gypsy scam artists who tried to pickpocket all our shit a couple of times. Then the Louvre Museum security sat there and watched a couple of our group members drop from heatstroke and didn't call for assistance until one of us talked them into it. And then a drunken homeless man yelled at us and took a swing at the fellow next to me. He was thrown off the train at the next stop. Needless to say, my first experience of Paris wasn't exactly a good one, but I do want to give it another shot one of these days. Soon after, we traveled to Rome. We did so by train. The train was a bit of a dick to me. I get in the train, and it was a sauna. Not 10 minutes into the ride, and 6 people including myself are trying to get the window open. For an hour we hopelessly fought to creak the damn thing open, but to no avail. But hey, whaddaya know! Turns out the window can only be opened with a special wrench! However, now it doesn't close, so we jerry rigged it closed with a couple of water bottles jammed into the sides. The day goes by and now we have to get what sleep we can because we hit the station at 4 in the morning. I took the bottom bunk, which turned out to be a big mistake. I wake up at about 2 in the morning, and I had managed to jam myself UNDER the bunkbed through the side hole (it folded back into a 3 seat couch otherwise) and found myself contortion-ed in a position my body had never experienced, I manage to get out, we go see Rome, enjoy our selves some more, and then we hit the Vatican! Pope country. We were at the entrance, waiting to go in. I'm standing in a circle with a few friends and idly chatting when out of nowhere pop the Swiss Guard! They spoke English, but they did so rather poorly. After a while of getting yelled at in incomprehensible tongues, I notice him pointing towards the ground. I looked down. Oh shit. Someone had previously dropped a butt-ton of white sand from a stress ball or something on the ground and now they thought we had purposely desecrated their holy ground. We started explaining we hadn't noticed the sand before...Apparently they didn't understand English well either. Next thing I know they're trying to escort us out, away from the rest of the group. One of us managed to get the attention of our tour leader who spoke Italian and convinced them not to kick us out into the streets. Still not sure what happened with the sand. We proceed with the rest of our trip, eventually try to make it back to Canada, and we end up back home 4 days later than we thought due to plane malfunctions.
As for Iron Man, I saw the Avengers with a couple of people who in turn were donning Captain America and Thor gear. I looked like I was about to rob someone, but it was totally worth it. Totally. Worth. It.
And so there you have it, step-by-step story of my adventures (though I did leave some Europe stuff out...Quite a bit, actually. Covers the gist of it though).
Yeah, France was exactly what my stereotypes about the French turned out to be. I really don't want to hate Paris, though. Not sure why.
As for the jackets, you should have seen their faces. Turns out that several other schools from all over the country were doing the same trip as us (I wasn't paying attention that the trip was in fact educational and involved breaking a couple of records and paying respects to the Canadians lost in WWI until I was dopily walking down the street and noticed I was in fact in the middle of a parade of us marching down to Buckingham palace) so the entirety of London, France, Rome, Belgium, and Amsterdam were getting en-massed by about 5000 Canadian school kids donning the reddest jackets I've ever seen in my life. There were times when I was walking and I'd here one of the locals blurt out "Where the hell do they keep coming from? I keep seeing them! Am I missing something important?"
Got a lot of "HELLO CANADIAN!" from people as well.
Well i am a pyromaniac and so are alot of my friends so one day we decided to make a sparkler bomb but we decided it wasn't enough so we put it in a big metal tub and then put some aerosol cans in it then a couple of those party poppers some glow sticks a kerosene can a plastic bottle of vodka then to top it of a t-80 firework. So all together it was about 1000 sparklers in this combination and we made a 10 meter fuse to behind a brick wall and lit it and we ran as fast as we could and from about 30 meters nothing was happening so we got closer and closer until we were back at the wall about 10 meters away then BOOM and it turns into d-day things flying everywhere, bits of metal ricocheting off the wall and sparkles shooting past along with exploded lynx cans. after about 20 minutes it stopped and it took about another 20 minutes to get our hearing back and we were all laughing until we noticed that where the metal tub was was a giant inferno burning into the grass so the smartest thing we could think off was us bashing it with shovels and throwing rocks at it and shooting it with nerf bullets. We eventually had to call the fire dept. then the police showed up and we got a serious yelling but i noticed the officer couldn't stop smirking so about 4 hours alter after my mum stopped yelling at me i went to have a shower and realized what the officer was smirking at whilst beating the fire i has burnt my eyebrows off and my entire fringe was missing.
Left a scary picture up on the computer so anyone who went by it would scream. turned the moniter off but not the pc. someone sat down and pretty much what you would expect to happen. few hours later I forgot I didn't take it down after I was done. Nearly gave myself a heart attack...