One late night, I was talking to by dad about Adam Jones (Orioles) and Chipper Jones (Braves). Well, here's our conversation: Me: "Are Adam and chipper related?" Dad: "HAHAHAHA> NO! You know one of them is Black and the other is white right?" Me: "Yeah. I know Chipper is black."
I felt so stupid. If you watch baseball you understand my stupidity.
The other day I was at a music festival and somebody gave me water laced with acid. Not knowing this I drank three bottles of that shit and apparently thought I was Mighty Mouse because I jumped off the roof of an RV and landed head first into the windshield of a car. Long story short I woke up in the hospital with a concussion and a neck brace... Dumbest moment to date.
I dated some stupid blonde bitch that is horrible in bed, horrible at lying, and doesn't know shit about anything. Found out she cheated on me, ditched her ass, haven't looked back. She's now dating someone who doesn't give a fuck about her and just wants to get laid. Hope she gets what's coming to her and gets hit by a bus.
Right, so I've returned from my travels over at my uncle's cabin. As I thought, stupidity had ensued.
There are a few occasions, but I assume you want to hear about me getting the water-ski in my colon. I'll do you one better.
I almost got my wrist taken because of it.
Right, so I was floating about in the lake (rather ungracefully, mind you. trying to float about with two gigantic hunks of plastic attached to your feet tends to do that) preparing for what I was assuming to be a fairly smooth transition from in water to on. My uncle's neighbor who had been kind enough to let me use his boat for this stunt called back for a final acknowledgement that I was prepared for the oncoming shitstorm that was about to ensue. Of course I wasn't, but there was no chance in hell I would get this out of the way otherwise, so I chattered out a rather timid "y-yeah. Sure, go for it"
That was a mistake.
Not 5 seconds after he gunned the motor did I fall flat on my face and lose the skis. At this point, you'd think "Oh, okay, well that was pretty crum-diddly results but at least Graeme here walked away with only an injured pride and some small bruising, yes?"
Nope. As I fell I somehow managed to get my left wrist caught in the handle, and I proceeded to get dragged along the water like a torpedo for about 15 seconds. Luckily I got away with a sprained wrist and ears so waterlogged that I never thought the H20 would leave my head.
I don't think I'll be water-skiing again any time soon.
So I was on my bike and didn't pay much attention to the road, so I accidently cut a car off. But it was a police car. He had his window open and said something, but I was dumbstruck by my dumb action so I just responded ''Uuh, okay'' and drove away (he said something afterwards which I didn't understand either) with the most awkward feeling.
Okay, so last night, my brother in law decide to prank me by dressing up as Slender Man (which is one of my biggest fears) and he stood over me as I slept, watching me, well I start to wake up and sure enough I freak the fuck out. Little did I know my nephew, who is 2 years old, is at the foot of the couch. I kick my legs out and... Bam. He goes flying through the hall. I still feel bad.
Dude. This isnt a hate thread. Come on. These are supposed to be funny. Not trying to be mean, and you'll even accuse me of being a bitch simply cause it's me, but all that post did was make you look like an asshole.
Anyway, Whoa guys, Lots of funny crap. Graeme, I for one am glad you are still here ^_^ and I'll forgive you for not providing a water-ski imbedded in colon story. It's cool. We can arrange for one later. Don't worry, it will all look like an accident. XD
Love you guys, Keep me in thoughts. Life is good, but bad at the same time. But, I come with a stupidity moment for you.
I wish I had been recording.
I went to my ex's wedding this weekend. Now before you say WHAT YOUR EX'S?! Oooooooo Inb4 Drama and cat fights. Actually, I didn't go to start trouble lol. I got to talk to him before and after the wedding. We are still really good friends despite having not gotten to speak for over a year and a half, but anyway on to the stupid moment. Now, I'll skip the part about how they skipped parts, namely the 'if anyone one objects' part, (XD So many there would have stormed the stage if given the oppurtunity.), and the horror the preacher did in butchering the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. That on it's own was terrible, beginning with, heck, that is NOT the story to be telling at a wedding. And the way he garbles and destroyed it. I felt humilated FOR the couple. Then, add the fact that because most of the groom's family was dead or couldn't come, they decided to place all of us college friends, who were there for both of them, ALL on the groom's side of the church. So, you have the bride's side full of families, cousins, and old grandmas, then the groom's side full of poor obnoxious college students. Now keep this is mind, their location I mean, because it will serve a small bit of importance. Next, add the fact that this is a group of young adults who had all been friends about 2 years ago. Now, there are little lines of tension floating from person to person here. That's because, this group had a few MAJOR fallouts since that gay spring semester of 2010. Oh, also, the wedding started almost an hour late. Anyways, I'll start a new paragraph to make this easier to read.
So, late wedding is late, horrible preacher, tension filled college students on one side of the room, skipped parts of the wedding, bad enough to begin with. Oh wait, it gets better. ^_^
In walks someone the ENTIRE college group HATES. Especially the BRIDE! So more tension! Oh, also, the bride's best friend/maid of honor, DOES NOT APPROVE. MORE TENSION! WOO!
Anyways, the piece de resistance, was the handwritten vows. The groom's was lovely and talked about how even though he is known as the joker, that today was the most serious day of his life. Beautiful, never knew the bastard had it in him. I'm so proud! Next, came the bride's. Oh dear. lol She had written a page front and back. and the way she read it was great. She got to a sentence. The sentence was, " I promise to always swallow my pride..." Great sentence... Unless it's at the bottom of a page and you have to flip the page to finish it...
"I promise to always swallow..." pause, flip page, "my pride..." =O The entire room went silent for a moment. Then everyone hears the entire groom's side of the church stifle their snickers after they get over the shock of what they just heard. whispers of "OMG did that really just happen?" and "Did she really?...." and my favorite, "Holy Fuck on an Altar!" I love college kids. ^_^ It was great. lol After the wedding, we were all ushered into the reception hall of the church which again ended up half and half like the church, all the college kids on one side. Wherein proceeded the usual Garter and bouquet tossing, Which were caught respectively by the Groom's brother, and the YAOI Obsessed chick who hates any and all guys who are not her formerly gay boyfriend. And when he was supposed to put the garter on her leg for good luck for the new couple, she made him put it on her arm. And when they were begged to dance together, again, for the new happy couple, she hid under her table.... ><;; I wish I were joking. lol
All in all, a great wedding. I enjoyed it heartily, and I wish the new family luck and happiness through everything. ^_^ Even if it all started with a bet between two men, to see who could get the ever men hating Lisa to break first. Congratulations Pat and Lisa Lentini. <3 you both! XD
Ok... Guys... I have to tell you something.... Josh here... is a penguin.... BUT!!!
NO! Put that weapon down Graeme!!!!!!! I'll really get that waterski stuck in your colon.
Hunter, put the RPG away.
Link, drop the sniper rifle.
Ok, everyone calm? Yes, he is a penguin. But it's ok. He was not raised by other penguins. He was not subjuated to their lies and deceit. I swear unto you he has not!
