The first thing I notice is the quality. I know it's expensive to capture in HD but it's an investment you'll have to make. Most viewers just won't settle for 360p or 480p anymore and to be honest, I don't either.
Secondly, try to differentiate yourself from all the other achievement guides out there. One look to the right an you see a whole list of other guides for this exact same achievement. The reason Achievement Hunter got so popular is because of the humour and chemistry Geoff and Jack have. They are entertaining to listen to. If I want to know how to get the achievement I could just read the description of your video, that has all the information I need. You'll need to find a way to make your videos both helpful and entertaining. There's nothing wrong with your guide, but there's also nothing special about it. Right now I don't see a reason why I should pick this guide over any other one.
The most important tip I can give you is to just keep putting out videos. Like any other thing you do on a regular basis, you'll grow more and more familiar with it, making for better commentating and editing. It might take a while, but hey, as long as you enjoy it, right?
alright thanks. I understand what you mean about recording in HD i would love to but i'm saving money to move so I will get an HD capture card in the future and i am also gonna have my friend do commentary with me on future videos. i'm gonna try to do videos like Achievement Hunter does like let's plays and stuff like that. i also will get a new mic because the one i used is a built in one for my laptop. but thank you for the advice i will take all of it and use it in the future.
No problem. I understand that you don't want to spend all your money on a capture card right away and that's not a bad decision. The main focus should be on your commentary skills right now. Equipment comes later. Best of luck and be sure to keep me updated on your process!
Edit: nevermind, I'll keep myself updated. You just got your first subscriber ;)