After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a
larger bed, so the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more
children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.
"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks
are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
One day a blonde girl comes skipping home from school. when she arrives home she finds her mum and says 'mommy, mommy! today, in spelling, all the kids in my class could go to C but i could go all the way to G, see! A, B, C, D, E, F, G!' and the mother was obviously like 'well dear thats very good! well done!' then the girl asks 'is it because i'm blonde mommy?' and the mother replies 'yes dear, i t's because you're blonde'.
The next day the girl comes skipping home from school. again as she arrives home she says to her mom 'mommy, mommy! today, in maths, all the kids in my class could only count to 5 but i could count all the way to 8!' and again the mother is pleased at this and says 'well dear, thats very good! well done!' 'is it because i'm blonde mommy?' 'yes dear, it's because you're blonde'
The next day the girl comes skipping home from school. when she finds her mom she says 'mommy, mommy! today, in P.E i noticed that all the other girls in my class were flat chested, but i'm not, see! and she lifts up her shirt to reveal a pair of 36 C's. is it because i'm blonde mommy? to which the mother rather embarasingly replies 'no dear, it's because you're 25'.
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this -- "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.
My goodness, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the Dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."
