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29 year-old male from Temple City, CA
What a year....

Been a RVB fan since Season 1. Met a girl, fell in love, forgot about the internet. Then I realized that the internet was my only true love and came back. No idea what my old log in was from way back in the yesteryears. Oh well.
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Stuff with me So I have a general direction I want this journal to go, but not sure where it will end. So here we go..

2012 was by far one of the worst years of my life. It wasn't the worst year in the history of years so I still have some perspective that it could have been much much worse. I lost my best friends and several other really close friends to what I'm ultimately boiling down to a lack of proper communication.

I wont get to in detail about what happened, but this is my take on it looking back. (There of course is their side of the story and you, sadly, wont get to hear it.) I never had a lot of self confidence, I felt normal when putting myself down or when others did it for me. I didn't realize it was that way till about 2008. Not sure what pointed it out. Anyway, fast forward to 2011. I'm living with my two best friends. One of which is finishing her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. She notices thins are a miss and asks questions. Eventually I took her advice and went into therapy. Boy did that suck, but it actually helped me quite a bit. I started to improve my self image and started trying different things. Now to the part where things start to dissolve with my friends. They didn't know the person I was becoming. I didn't either. They liked me when I was the other guy. I was the Best Man in their wedding. So it wasn't a casual like either. I stood up for myself when issues came up. My inexperience in expressing myself caused more harm than good in that relationship. I was used to backing down and admitting defeat at the first signs of trouble. So we explosively grew apart.

But I have gained a lot of insight in the last year. So I guess there are some silver linings. Were they worth the costs? That has yet to be determined. Which brings me to the why I wanted to start writing tonight.

People have been telling me my whole life that I have this amazing potential, and I have, until recently, always dismissed it as something people just say to someone. Now after all the events of the last few months. I'm actually starting to feel it in some ways. I feel like I can or will do something of substance in my life. Until now I have just sort of existed. I have worked as hard as I needed too, and honestly I have never really "tried" at anything. Its simple to say well "try" now, but at what? I don't really have any passions in my life. The friends I were speaking about above told me once to think of everything I'm passionate about and find out how those things are made and that will be a clue as to where to aim myself in life. She used Rooster Teeth as an example. Their work occupy a large part of my life. She suggested that I go work in a production capacity. She agreed that anywhere else besides Rooster Teeth wouldn't compare and I wouldn't be happy. Besides I don't really know anything about doing that type of work. My training has been in customer service. Schooling in Business and Marketing. So there are places to go. Lots and lots of places, but not really places I thought or really wanted to go.

I just need to find an idea and go for it. No longer sit on my ass and do the minimum to get by. So Here's to 2013 and beyond. By this time next year I hope to have a direction at least.

And maybe then she will love me.
1 year ago  |  Comments (0)
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Name Josh
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