9 years ago (3/25/05)
Last signed in:
10 months ago
28 year-old male from Tempe, AZ|
>>98% of teenagers does or has tried pot. If you are one of the 2% that hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile
||Tonight, this is nowSo this is what I'm gonna post for the two people who read my stuff on here you can piece it together or ask questions I might answer.|
Tonight I made my last stand. There's nothing left I can say that I haven't already explained. For once I can't choose my own destiny and it's left in the hands of someone else. I'm glad it's in the hands of someone I trust with more than my life, because it is my life that's being dealt with. Not just yours and you know that. Don't ask me not to be sad and not to be worried. Would you ever ask the sky not to cry no more, not to fly no more? Would ever ask the stars not to shine no more? I know this isn't what you wanted all along, but I hope that I am. Though nothing is obvious, things are left to be uncovered and it may end and I may fail again and again, but there is a life waiting for you to choose. There's a love that no one can take away and if you don't acknowledge that nothing will be the same. People do wreckless and crazy things and that's what it takes to make love work. That's what it takes to make life work and that's because love is life. I'm gonna survive in this world, I'd like to do it with you. Whether or not you choose me you will still need someone to love and eventually you will try and fill that void and that person will never care about you and your daughter as much as I do and they can't bare to put the two of you before everything in thier life at the drop of a hat because those things take time to build. What would it be like to deny what we've already made to make it with another? Leaving me stuck here with memories of you, andrea, your family, your mother. All the happy times and the sad times. If it's a waste to turn back after enduring all this hurt then what is it to throw away the life, the memories, the love we had made. I look at it as ending the pain and sorrow if we were to remain together. After all, it's not like the pain is over...we both saw that tonight and as bad as I wanted to kiss you and I sensed that you wanted it too...I didn't because you were unsure of what you really want. Gabi, (as if any person would read this far and not know who I was talking to) I can't say anymore because I'm just repeating everything we already found together with actual conversation, but I want you to know I do love you and I feel so lost without you.(sorry for the cliche)
Who's to say?
It's hard to rest when everybody's
On your case
On your own
It's hard to sleep when everything is
Who is right?
Its hard to breath when this intention
Feels so wrong
Feels so right
Feels so wrong
"If you believed what you felt you would be in love"
I guess I'm a bad faker. I can't act for shit. People know that something is horribly wrong with me. I tried to make them believe that I'm allright and that things are normal. The second my dad told me he was worried about me I knew I had to do something. Gabi you're tearing me apart.
Let me start by saying it's depressing and horrible to see people you've grown up with since gradeschool doing everything they can to try and find cocaine and any other drugs they can get thier hands on. It's depressing to see Andy's dad is more horrible than you ever explained and that he wants nothing to do with her. As soon as he started calling her "that kid" i told my friends I had to leave.
You know what though? That's the kind of shit that is left here in this town. There's nothing left here but a life of slow numbing agony. I wanted nothing more than to get you and Andrea and your sisters out of here. I wanted to be a family with you and Andy. I don't plan anything, but I had the beginning of our new lives together planned out. Everything that I had prepared for came to a crashing halt when you made that phone call. I called to night with one last hope of seeing you again only to find you numbing it all with alcohol and hell, maybe that is the answer for now. That's the only answer that people find for the thousands of problems they find here in this dirthole.
Dammit Gabi you're killing me. There is NOTHING in this world i wouldn't have done to prevent us from comming to this. If you only would have let me know that this is how you were gonna ask us to be I would have changed my life completely just to make it last even a little longer. I would have stopped school until you were finished here just to save our lives.
I haven't done a damn thing since I've been back Gabi. I've sat here rotting in this house. You know what I did tonight? I went out, I went out into the cold and found nothing more than regret. I could have stayed here numb to existance and had no cares but I went out and cared about you and I called you, Gabi I called you to hear your voice one more time. Though it was tinged with the effects of whatever booze you had tonight it was still as sweet as the first moment I heard it and as pure as the lips from which I stole our first kiss. I would have never stopped kissing you if I would have known we would be having our last.
As upsetting tonight was and as sick with my own obsession I can honestly say I never thought what we had would end up as nothing more than a half burnt candle smoking in the dark.
I heard this song right after we talked and I thought it fit for now.
"Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek"
Let's just stop,
(forget each other's names) forget each other's names,
And just walk away.
Turn around and head in different directions,
Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all.
We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves,
And just walk away.
Never looking back,
Loving every second of it,
we just walk away.
This is probably the best,
not to mention the worst idea,
that I have ever had.
Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've done,
No awkward silences, no hiding any truths
Ignoring what we've felt,
Overlooking what we've do
||Financial Aid Advisor...AKA Pimp|
||July 21st, 1986|
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