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7 years ago (10/18/04)
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33 year-old male from Victoria, Australia
Do your bit for the world... drink a bourbon today.
This could be what you're looking for...
Halo 2 stats. Could be better, could be worse. | Latest Post | |
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You'll never need to ask again - Part 2
See the previous edition here.
This is part 2 to a list of nasty-ass sex acts. Once again, I don't condone or encourage anyone to perform any of these, but if you do you're a god-damn legend.
Or a sicko. One or the other.
25) Felching: A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his own splooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw. This one's not even popular in prison.
26) The Dog in the Bathtub: The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly named as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub.
27) The Dolphin: When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in her butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh," sounding exactly like a dolphin.
28) The V-Plow: When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your whole face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that nasty labia.
29) The Crimson Tide: When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.
30) The Free Willy: When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.
31) The Mudslide: After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it runs down her face and body.
32) The Fortune Cookie: After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull out, leaving it in there for the next customer.
33) The Eiffel Tower: When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her down on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy style. From this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high five, making the entire structure resemble theEiffel tower.
34) The Angry Dragon: On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a blow job. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble an angry dragon.
35) The Flying Camel: A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.
36) The Fishhook: A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
37) The Ram: Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
38) The Fountain of You: While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like a geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).
39) The Pink Glove: This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. This is referred to as the pink glove.
40) The Fish Eye: Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell is going on back there.
41) The Fur Ball: You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
42) Tea Bagging: When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a tea bag in a cup of hot water.
43) The Hummer: While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.
44) Snow Balling: Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come up and kiss you while it's still in there.
45) The Camel Clutch: When she's lying on her stomach with you giving itto her from behind and you decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.
46) The Rumpledforeskin: When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).
47) The Skull Fuck: The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its place.
48) One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer: Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying to reach her uterus and large intestine.
49) The Repunzel: When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there by the hair.
50) The Boston Cooler: Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in you mouth to surprise your partner.
Once again, stay tuned for Part 3 and remember, 'If you can't be good, be good at it.'
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| Awards | | | | The Goods | | | Occupation |
Crowd Controller | | Birthday |
October 18th, 1978 | | Interests |
Ruining perfectly good music with my guitar Absorbing digital ammunition in online multiplayer games Throwing people about in martial arts dojos Drinking copious amounts of Jim Beam. | | Gamertag |
| | GHOSTE'S... | | | Music |
System of a Down Foo Fighters The Living End Honourable mentions include:
Greenday Nirvana Rage Against the Machine Muse Butterfingers. | | Movies |
Hudson Hawk (Shut up I like it) Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Reservoir Dogs. | | TV Shows |
Red Dwarf The League of Gentlmen Lost The Ultimate Fighter |
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