Drive-In Cinema Classics Saturn 3 (1980) Okay you geeks set your phasers to stun because its Sci-Fi Night here at the Drive-In and tonight's flick has got space stations, a blonde perky bimbo, and killer robots (no not 'Barbarella') - 'Saturn 3'! That's right, 1980's 'Saturn 3'; kind of a flop by today's standards, really. But that's what you got in the early eighties, what, with 'Star Wars' & 'Aliens' making major waves in theaters, all the movie studios were crawling over one another to get their space flicks to market. And you'd think this one would have some real legs under it because it stars Farrah Fawcett, Kirk Douglas, & Harvey Keitel! That's right kiddies, "The Wolf" is in this space turkey, playing a psychotic robot engineer that's been in the outer rim for too long. So when he lands on space station Saturn 3 and meets up with the blonde & ultra perky Farrah it's no surprise that he tries to kidnap her and murder her sugar daddy, played by Kirk Douglas. Then just for laughs the filmmakers decide to throw in a mind-melded super android to shake things up. It was originally written and was supposed to be directed by John Barry. You know the legendary production designer for such flicks as 'A Clockwork Orange', 'Superman', & the first 'Star Wars' movie? Well anyway, like I was saying, this was supposed to be John's big break into directing. But the poor guy just didn't have the chops for it, so they fired him. Rumor was Kirk Douglas yelled at him and the poor guy spent most of his time off set just hiding in his office. After that the movie's producer then took over, Stanley Donen, and for you 1950s & 60s Musical lovers out there that name should be very familiar to you. The guy directed some of the best in fact, movies like 'Damn Yankees!', 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers' & even 'Singin' in the Rain'! Not too shabby for the world of musicals but this guy even directed Doris Day in 'The Pajama Game' and Audrey Hepburn & Fred Astaire in 'Funny Face'; so let me ask you this... What the hell is this guy making a movie about a killer robot in space?!? Who the hell knows, that's Hollyweird for you. Like I said, it was the early 80s and sci fi was where the money was at so maybe its as simple as all that. But don't get me wrong, this isn't a horrible movie, in fact its kind of a great, sexy, bloody little sci-fi picture. It just was cast in the shadow of some pretty spectacular space films that make it kind of hard to compete with. And I'd still take Farrah's perky space bimbo over "Iron" Jane Fonda's 'Barbarella' anyday. Let’s get those Drive-In Totals: We Have: 3 Dead Bodies 2 Breasts 3 Service Droids 1 Eight Foot Tall Sexually Aroused Killer Robot 1 Dead Dog Cadet through Airlock Psychedelic Decontamination Tube Space Voyeurism Giant Brain in a Jar Getting High in the Space Station Game of Robo-Chess Robot Eye Surgery Robotic Bimbo Lifting Crushed by Giant Falling Claw Killer Johnny-5 Reassembles Itself Attempted Space Rape Partially Skinned & Assimilated Mad Scientist Brain Link in Back of Neck Hand Rolls Exploding Spaceship Exploding Solider Exploding Robot Multiple Space Nookie Multiple Star Wars Rip-Offs Gratuitous Dubbed Harvey Keitel Gratuitous Space Disco Music Android Fu Automatic Door Fu Smoke Machine Fu Drive-In Academy Awards Goes to Farrah and Her Gravity Defying Space Boobies as the Perkiest Bimbo in Space! 2 Stars! Check it out! And don't adjust your speakers when you hear Harvey Keitel's voice in this picture, it was dubbed by an actor named Roy Dotrice. The rumor is that the producer/director Stanley Donen hated Keitel's thick Brooklyn accent. You know the one that's made him famous! So he had Roy here dub all Harv's lines. For that alone I'd love them to remake this movie today and give the killer robot Harv's accent. Back to the Flix! Roll it!! "Saturn 3. When they want to give the Solar System an enema, that's where they stick the tube in." 'Saturn 3' Full Feature |
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