Hello, I am your Printer
I will spend over an hour and a half fighting you every step of the way.

I know you only need to print a single document consisting of only a single page. And I know that after you sign it, you only need to scan in that single document consisting of a single page and email it somewhere.

It won't matter how many times you unplug me, reset me, or disable and enable wireless, I need at least 30 minutes to get ready and be online, and then I will only print your document in color, with no black. And you will spend another 20 minutes converting your PDF to a Word document so you can print in navy.

Then, when you finally get your document printed and signed, you will want to scan it. But I will ...

Hello, I am your Printer
I will spend over an hour and a half fighting you every step of the way.

I know you only need to print a single document consisting of only a single page. And I know that after you sign it, you only need to scan in that single document consisting of a single page and email it somewhere.

It won't matter how many times you unplug me, reset me, or disable and enable wireless, I need at least 30 minutes to get ready and be online, and then I will only print your document in color, with no black. And you will spend another 20 minutes converting your PDF to a Word document so you can print in navy.

Then, when you finally get your document printed and signed, you will want to scan it. But I will disconnect and need another 30 minutes to be ready again. I am, after all, high maintenance. You can't expect this perfection in only a minute like other printers, you silly person. A minute, ha!

You will scream in frustration. You will throw your mouse down on your desk (though I noticed you were careful to throw it on your cushy mousepad). I will laugh though, because you're kind of cute when you're mad.

You can't rush me though, no matter how angry you get. But eventually, I will finally scan, and you will have to convert the document to grayscale. (And you can only do grayscale, because trying to change it to black & white makes everything go weird and squiggly.)

And then you will cross your fingers and email it, hoping they will accept this new document, in grayscale, instead of their original black with their blue and green logos.

But they accepted it right? So, I did my job just fine after all, aren't you a lucky gal?

Love and kisses,
Your Printer

p.s. Too bad you're not that handsome man with the beard though. I would work for him in a flash, like I always do.