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Random Thought
My Worst Flaw:
According to Aristotle's rules of tragedy. A hero
must have a tragic flaw, has to drive himself to his fate. (this
is not to imply that I am in anyway a hero, to anyone, but what
follows fits who I am to painfully well)
My worst flaw
is that I love to much, care to much, and invest to much into the hings
and people who have touched my life. I could not turn away. Though
it may have saved my life, to turn away would inevitably poison it.
The irony is that my attmept to keep those around me from being
victimized, makes me their victim. I never thought in all my life,
that loving someone could COST me their love, that loving someone
unconditionally would ensure that I was never loved unconditionally
in return, But love has to be unselfish, by my own belief in what
love should be, I am caught, in such a way that, just longing FOR
love, brings guilt, because it would require that I recieve it when
I am supposed to be offering it unconditionally. What terrible
complexity, and it breaks my heart even more, and ironically only
deepens my love for them, at my own cost, for this is one of the
defining meanings of what love is for me, and I will not betray
that ideal or those I hold it for by ffaltering now when it seems
the greatest test of my love is at hand, damning as it has come to
be. And in the end, if my road being lonely serves the purpose of
demonstrating my intentions as pure, and proving my feelings AS love,
then I willingly and humbly carry that burden in service to those I
love.
My second worst flaw
is choosing to look past the flaws of others, or to ignore them
completely, I used to believe people were more than the sum
of their flaws, I guess now I only still do it out of habit, and its
a hard habit to break, seeing the potential in those around
me, instead of focusing on their shortcomings, but with time
any habit can be broken, just like any heart can, even mine.
Maybe I will add a new flaw, procrastination,
I will procrastinate to learn how to see the flaws instead of the
overall beauty of the whole. I will procrastinate to let bitterness
and lonelyness TAINT my love with selfishness. And to end on a lighter
note I will procrastinate to finish this last sentenc
(Specail thanks to Tom Clancy for certain refernce material, I shudder to
think what he may have experienced, to so accurately describe what I'm
going through.)
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