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KaliYuga
28 year-old female from Calgary, Alberta, Canada







Coffin-board, heavy stone,
Lie on her breast,
I vex my heart alone
She is at rest.

Peace, Peace, she cannot hear
Lyre or sonnet,
All my life’s buried here,
Heap earth upon it.
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KaliYuga
2009 : A year in Review 1So here is the first of what I hope will be a mini-series of things I'd like to review for myself and for posterity as we start to head into 2010. Not that any of this will matter in 2 years though. (Hail Cthulhu)

Top 5 celebrities in 2009 that I wish would drop off the face of the planet.

#5
Jon and Kate Gosselin
(did I spell that right? Who fucking cares?)

They have 8 kids, they got divorced in a public setting - and good god was it messy... Who fucking cares? My parents got divorced when I was young, I turned out okay. Child stars always get fucked up in the long run - look at the Olsen Twins and Lindsey Lohan - adding a messy public divorce to unwanted childhood stardom is only gonna fuck them up more. Can we say abandonment issues?

#4
Lady Gaga


Edit: She was gonna be my #1 celeb to drop off the face of the planet, but then I realized that there are people I hate worse then her, so let's give her 5 more minutes and put her behind Kanye.

Fuck! Need I say more? Bad music and stupid clothes, not to mention my sisters loving her music. Die already, there's no more room for insane celebrities.

#3
Kanye West


I'ma let you finish Kanye, but your 15 minutes of fame should have ended about 3 years ago. Jesus Walks was the beginning of the end, my friend. Just because you're a vocal douchebag on public television and you 'speak your mind' (what little of it you have) is no excuse for you to be so famous. I bitch about everything and I'm not pulling in millions of dollars - and I'm a rock band celebrity goddammit.

#2
Brangelina


I had enough of them in 2006, can we just be done with the fascination of two horribly rich, unattractive people who can't act anymore (Inglorious Basterds is the exception only 'cause I haven't seen it and damn, that was a ballsy movie for Brad Pitt to do.) and who seem to pretend to give a shit about the shite state of the world? Adopting from Cambodia is like spitting into the ocean - fat lotta good that's gonna do overall. Fuck off.

#1

It's a tie!

Stephanie Myers, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart


It's the one time of day I used to like, but now it's worse than a curse word.

Twilight. *shudder*

To be fair, I did read the first book, only so that I could bitch about it and know what exactly I was bitching about. I refuse to read any more of the books, I think I lost a few IQ points after the first one.

Anyway, the author of the book is an idiotic Mormon who just barely passes for literate and is so fake, she makes Pamela Anderson's tits look real. The entire concept of the story promotes necrophilia, bestiality and pedophilia all in one, while at the same time also insulting the reader's intelligence. She was trying too hard to be a kid-friendly easy-to-read version of Anne Rice and she FAILED. Christ, a blind monkey with a typewriter could write a better book than Twilight. In fact, I am almost ready to rewrite the whole series to include a lot of blood, violence and graphic SEX. (something that Myers said she would never include in her books or in the films.) Not to mention vampires that don't fucking SPARKLE. God.

Adding insult to injury is the fact that these shitty books were turned into even shittier movies. I will, however, go and see the third or fourth one if they include a graphic scene in which Edward (the gay sparkling vampire) performs a C-section on Bella (the girl he knocked up and possibly married) with his teeth to remove his bastard werewolf child from her womb before it devours her from the inside.

Actually, I'd rather see the version where the bastard son eats his mother from the inside. Hang on... someone told me the child is a girl. Well, then let's have her kill her mom and sleep with her dad. It's be just like Shakespeare only made of AIDS.

On top of it, all the screaming fan girls should just have their lips sewn shut and then be force fed upon by a bunch of REAL vampires. And possibly raped, just so that they can get the thought of being cold-cocked by a vampire out of their minds... Maybe throw in some rabid wolves too. I dunno.

Also, I would really appreciate it if the 'stars' of the film, former child star Kristen Stewart (see, what did I say? THEY ALWAYS GET MESSED UP!) and Robert Pattinson (formerly a wizard, now a dead sparkling fetish item) would just drop into nothingness. I don't think they're even good enough for a blood sacrifice to any pantheon of gods. They're in my opinion, some of the most unattractive people I have ever seen and they have absolutely no chemistry - on set of off. They have the IQ of a toasted English Muffin - and that's combined. These jokers have beaten out Megan Fox for the top celebrity I wanna see gone by 2010, but alas, it's not gonna happen. There's still 2 more movies to come out. (I still think I oughta write these stories better, with more blood. Anyone seen True Blood? Yeah, like that, but without full frontal Anna Paquin - gross.)

Anyway, that's my list og celebrities I wish would go away. Micheal Jackson was gonna be on this list but then I remembered he's dead and this is the same crap that happened to Kurt Cobain when he swallowed that shotgun, so I just have to ride it out I guess. However, I do wish that his family would stop leeching off his memory and the fans. I'm not a fan, I'm just disgusted.

So, I hope you all enjoyed this, please feel free to give me your list of who you wanna see dead and gone and forgotten from this year. And be sure to stay tuned 'cause I've got a few more lists to compile before the year is through... And a book to edit... and a series to fix... *sigh* See you all later!
4 years ago  |  Comments (8)  |  + 6 Cool
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Name Kai
Occupation Nihilist, Hedonist, raving lunatic, writer, Seamstress
Birthday May 30th, 1986
Interests Writing film making movies books video games culinary arts Shakespeare art mythology Stonehenge druidism symbolism drawing tattoos on my skin with markers gypsies sarcasm insanity nihilism quotes of Oscar Wilde Oscar Wilde in general Buddhism Jack the Ripper the dark the macabre and anything I can draw inspiration from.
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Books Bram Stoker's Dracula Dreamcatcher Interview With the Vampire The Vampire Lestat Dune Hamlet the Hobbit The Andromeda Strain Rainmaker Frankenstein The Dresden Files American Gods Anansi Boys Anything by Neil Gaiman anything by Terry Pratchett Trainspotting Fight Club Irvine Welsh in general Portrait of Dorian Gray the list goes on.