Stolen from Stephan PastisWhen I was bored as an attorney, I used to pull out the yellow pages and make crank calls.One of them was to a business named, “Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.” I told them that I was the owner of “Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts” and that their name was causing confusion. I asked to talk to their owner. They handed her the phone. “Yeah, what’s your problem?” she asked. “Your name. ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.’ It’s too close to mine, ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.’” “I’ve owned this business twenty years,” she said. “I’ve owned mine twenty-two,” I said. “So what’s the problem?” she asked. “You’re confusing customers. Some of my customers go to your ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts’ thinking they’re at ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.’ It’s very confusing.” “That’s not confusing,” she said, “They’re two different businesses.” “You don’t think it’s confusing that I’m ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts’ with four ‘Haircuts’ and you’re ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts’ with three ‘Haircuts’?” “No, I think it’s ridiculous,” she said. “You know what I think?” I said. ” I think you should cut down to two ‘Haircuts,’ and just be ‘Haircuts, Haircuts.’” At that point, I think my goal was simply to say the word “haircuts” as many times as I could in a five-minute span. “Yeah, well why don’t YOU change YOUR name?!” she said, her voice rising. “Forget that,” I said. “Because I’d have to add a ‘Haircut.’ Then I’d be ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.’ I could cut customers’ hair faster than they could say my name.” “Yeah, well you’re the one with the problem,” she said. “Yeah, well it would be much easier for you to go down a ‘Haircut’ then for me to add a ‘Haircut.’ And besides,” I added, “I’m not gonna change my name. I like the name, ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.’” “That’s MY business’ name,” she said, on the verge of exploding. “You just said you were ‘Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts, Haircuts.” “AHA,” I said, “Look at that.” “‘Look at what?” she asked. “You’ve confused even me.” 
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