Signed up: 9 years ago (4/04/06)
Last signed in: 1 year ago
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25 year-old male from Stockton, CA

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BirthdayToday is my birthday, so here are some birthday jokes.

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
and it said that I needed an upgrade.

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."

The positive side of being an oldie:

You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.
You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.
Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local pub.
You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.
You have survived the humiliation of middle age.
You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any.
You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.
You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions.
You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine.
You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.
Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.
6 years ago  |  Comments (5)  |  + 1 Funny
Milestones   [ Compare ]
The Goods
Name Alex
Occupation school
Birthday October 1st, 1989
Interests basketball biking fishing sleeping playing games paino tv computer guns Gundam models
Games Show 13 More
Music Green day Blink 182
TV Shows The Simpsons Family Guy South park That '70 Show