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DiMono Site Admin
DiMono Site Admin
And the Too Much Info award goes to...Today as I was walking from work to the subway I discovered a sharp pain in my left nipple. This pain recurred at random intervals, and felt like being stabbed under a fingernail with a chainsaw. I'm sure I confused people by grasping at my nipple and seemingly trying to remove it on my way to the train.

When I got home after much pain, I pulled off my shirt and grabbed some tweezers and started rooting around my nipple hair, convinced the problem was an infected follicle. It turns out I actually have an abbrasion on my nipple, and what was probably happening was a hair being pushed in to it by my walking movement, which has roughly the same pain effect as stabbing a skinned knee with a lemon.

As such, I devoted the next ten minutes to trimming back my thick and manly chest hair to prevent it from dipping back in to the wound. I'm seriously considering shaving that part of my chest and applying band-aids to keep it clean, but the prospect of putting something designed to be sticky on my nipple is more than a little daunting... the last thing I need is to rip off my nipple from trying to keep it clean. The cut's very small, it's just aggrivating and sometimes excrutiatingly painful, like losing on the first stab of the knife game.

Any advice?
7 years ago  |  Comments (25)  |  + 4 Funny
DiMono Site Admin
The day that can't come soon enough...is Wednesday. 12 years ago I had braces to straighten my crooked-ass maw. Then their job was done, my teeth were straight and they came off, and I was offered a permanent wire inside my lower teeth to keep them in place, but I wouldn't be able to eat corn on the cob. I liked corn on the cob, and still do, so placing my love of regularity above my teeth I turned the wire down.

Now, 10 years later, my lower teeth are once again crooked, and are in fact scraping on the inside of my lower lip and the tip of my tongue. The outsides of the two front teeth have bent forward, and the teeth on either side of them have slipped back, and the result is that I have two sharp edges against my lip and two against my tongue.

This morning I decided I'd had enough of it, and I called my old orthodontist to set up a consultation for Wednesday afternoon. Hopefully he'll tell me I'm a candidate for Invisalign, which is basically a series of trays to slowly straighten your teeth out with minimal discomfort and without being noticable unless you're looking for them in someone's mouth, which says more about you than it does about them. Does anyone have any experience with this?
7 years ago  |  Comments (18)
DiMono Site Admin
Poker makes me vindictiveSo I've been alone in the office for about 2 hours now, and my work isn't exactly what you'd call "challenging" at this point. So I decided to help myself pass the time by playing some poker on PokerStars. I hopped in to a 45 person Sit&Go game, where you pay 320 for entry, are broken in to 5 tables of 9, and then the first 7 place, with first taking home something like 4500. This is all in play-money, so even if you lose all you're out is time, and you're still up a bunch of practice. The game begins.

After one hand, 33 people were gone from the various tables. This game got down to less than 27 people faster than any other 45 I've ever been in. I was up around 6000 chips when it was down to 2 tables, then made a bad bet and dropped to about 3300. The minimum bets and the antes were starting to rack up, and by the time I got to the last table I was down to less than 2000 chips.

Before I continue, let me tell you about a plague. On Poker Stars, you have the option to click a "Sit out next hand" button, which basically means you still ante and pay the blinds but you don't play any hands, which means it takes a long time for you to lose your chips, and after you're done whatever it is you're off doing you can come back and (hopefully) still be in the game, albeit with fewer chips. The plage is people who enter these big games, click the button, and never return to the table, in hopes that they'll outlast the people actually playing and pick up a prize. We call these people "sitters."

There were two sitters. Then I managed to get up to 11000 chips by taking all of one person's in two straight hands, and we were down to seven people. Then I took someone else out and got up to about 24000 chips. Then we had three sitters, and I said it was dumb, and that we should fold hands to each other to knock these morons down to the lower positions so the three of us can take the top three prizes.

This was going okay, until one of them refused to fold hands, and kept calling and playing them. So I took 5000 chips from him and told him to cut it out, because I had no problem with taking him out first if he kept playing hands. The sitter with the least chips died off, and then the second sitter came back to the table with his 15000 chips and I took them from him in one hand. He's a sitter, so I'm not taking it easy on him. My Ace-high flush beats his pair of queens. Fucker.

A couple hands later, refuses-to-fold guy had 11000 chips and the last sitter had about 1200. Refuses-to-fold guy raised at the start of the hand, so I called and flopped a pair of Kings. And drew him all in with his pair of Aces. Another King was dealt, and he was out of the game. So I told him "What did I fucking tell you?"

At this point I had 53000 chips and the other dude had about 11000, and we waited the sitter out and played to me winning. And then I went back to work.

The moral? Don't fuck with the chip leader when he suggests waiting out the people who aren't really playing.
7 years ago  |  Comments (6)  |  + 2 Cool
DiMono Site Admin
I've decided to stink up the officeWell, not so much "decided to" as "found I have no choice but to." I've been here just over an hour. I've let rip at least 20 times, large and loud. I lack a sense of smell, but everyone else here has one. I pity them.

Actually no, I don't pity them. They'll find it just sort of builds over time, and may not even notice it until the end of the day. I pity the cleaning staff who get to come in at 6 tonight and walk right in to an office filled with DiMono ass-stench. I also pity the people who didn't come in to the office today, and on Monday will walk in to an office filled with three day old DiMono ass-stench.

I kind of pity the people above us, too, who will almost certainly notice the reak coming up through the floor but be powerless to stop it. If you hear news of the entire occupancy of a Toronto office building dropping dead of unknown causes, my hairy ass is the murderer.

My only regret is that I didn't have a massive bowl of chili for breakfast.
7 years ago  |  Comments (16)  |  + 3 Funny
DiMono Site Admin
Back in Austin - part 3 of ?To recap: Drive to buffalo, very high bridges on Beaver Island, no malls, rude disembarker, crying baby, touch down in Austin

We pulled up to the gate some time around 10:30PM, and I needed to use the real bathroom in the airport. While I'm at the urinal, who should sidle up next to me than 6'6 fridge man, who then tells me "I like how they turned off the air on the plane for the last 20 minutes of the flight. They must have been trying to acclimate us." I finish my duty and the girlfriend and I go to get our rental car.

Avis was good to us last time, giving us a full-size Grand Marquis for the price of a Compact because everyone's been really gas conscious lately and is taking the smaller cars. We went back to them hoping the same trick would work, but unfortunately they still had some compact cars, what with it only being Thursday and most people arriving on Friday. We ended up in a Chevy Cobalt that was last driven by someone 4'3 and blind. My head was touching the roof of the car, and I almost castrated myself getting in to it. We made sure Avis knew about all the existing damage to the car (including a few windshield chips, yipes!) before we tok it off the lot, and we headed for the hotel.

We got to North Austin Plaza Hotel and Suites at around 11:20 and checked in. I won't say much about the hotel in these journals except that we will be recommending it to everyone we know who's travelling to Austin. It's located just south of 183 and 35, behind Bikinis Bar & Grill. The rooms are large, there's a nice pool and a fountain, and if you book your room direct with them it's only about $40/night. They also have a deal with the IHOP across 35 where if you buy a non-alcoholic drink you get 15% off your entree. We finally got to sleep a little after Midnight, and so ended Thursday.

Our plan for the weekend was simple: Friday was "browse stores and go to D&B, then hit a bar to meet friends" day, Saturday was the tailgate, and Sunday was "relax because everything's done and try to arrange dinner with Burnie & co" day. More to the point, our plan for every day was "sleep until you wake up on your own." We ended up leaving the hotel room at around 11, and immediately went to the wrong IHOP. It didn't matter though, because I ran the numbers in my head and figured out it wouldn't ever be worth it to add the drink for the discount, because the drink costs more than what you save. If you're getting the drink anyway, though, the discount is a nice bonus.

After breakfast I had some syrup on my hand, so I headed to the bathroom to wash it off. Imagine my surprise when the only part of the bathroom that's out of service is the sink. Figures. I talked to one of the employees, and they let me wash my hand in the meat-cleaning sink. I'd never seen a bucket of individually shrink-wrapped meat floating in water before, but now I have. One more thing to cross off my "things to do before I die" list.

We ended up going to Wal*Mart and Big Lots south of Austin on 35. I bought my Horns hat at Wal*Mart, and I found a nice suitcase in Big Lots for $20. I also found a really nice pair of shoes in Wal*Mart, but I was wearing sandals and wasn't about to try on a pair of shoes in the store barefoot, so I didn't get to try them on. My current shoes were falling apart and ruining my feet though, so new shoes is a good purchase for me.

After finishing at WM and BL we made for Dave & Buster's to spend 17,000 tickets on a card a friend had given us, and oh the stuff we found... more on that next time.
7 years ago  |  Comments (7)
DiMono Site Admin
Damn my life is excitingI'm taking a break right now from cleaning my house. Yesterday I did the top, today I'm doing the bottom. While I'm at it I'm going to unload the bookcase next to my computer and fix the backing on it so it's not severely bowed out, and hopefully I'll be able to rearrange it such that I don't have books lying sideways on top of each other any more. ...I have too many books. The bottom shelf isn't even my books, they were left behind by the previous occupant of the house and I haven't bothered to go through them to see if I want to keep them.

Part 3 of Back to Austin tomorrow.
7 years ago  |  Comments (10)
DiMono Site Admin
At the office
My boss:
Fuck off and go home!
Employee my boss is talking to:
You fuck off and go home!
...I love my job.

In other news, I think I managed to completely fix my computer last night. We'll see tomorrow.
7 years ago  |  Comments (17)  |  + 2 Cool
DiMono Site Admin
Back to Austin - part 2 of ?Recap: Drive to Buffalo, search countless hours for a mall, find cool dollar store, get to Buffalo Airport, pass potentially anally intruding security guards without incident, get on plane.

The plane ride to Cincinnati was rather uneventful. Delta planes have leather seats, which is nice. I imagine riding in short shorts or topless would be painful though, and the latter probably frowned upon as well. We landed nicely and taxied to the runway, at which point, as everyone who has ever flown knows, the plane is meant to unload from front to back. This is because it makes sense for those at the front to get out of the way of those in back. No sooner does the plane stop moving than some overweight white woman runs up from the back of the plane to the front of the line.

Now, we weren't in any kind of rush to reach our connecting flight: we landed about an hour before it was scheduled to leave. But seeing someone so blatantly disregarding the rules of courtesy and conduct just gets to me. So I turned toward my girlfriend and said "You know, it's a shame we're not supposed to disembark front to back or something," being sure to be loud enough to be heard by the rude person. The rude person (who will henceforth cease to have a gender) turned down to me and said "I have another plane to catch." So I looked up at it and said "So do we," implying that if we're courteous enough not to rush off to make our second plane, maybe she should be too. Instead it says "but I think mine's soon."

Now, either it doesn't know when its next flight is leaving, and thus it's an idiot, or it made a schedule that was unkeepable, and thus it's an idiot, or it's just really inconsiderate and probably slightly less dumb than a retarded potato, and thus it's an idiot. I blinked twice at it pointedly, then looked down to face the seat in front of me. It said "I'm sorry for making you late for your flight," completely missing the point, and I continued looking forward. After all, the five seconds it had cost me made only slightly less of an impact than the 30, maybe even 40 seconds it had saved itself by being rude. When we got off the plane we saw it was headed for Detroit, and somehow weren't surprised.

With boarding to begin in about 40 minutes, we decided to explore the airport looking for some trinkets to purchase as souvenirs. The most interesting things we found were Maddox's book The Alphabet of Manliness in the Borders (C is for Chuck Norris... so's N... and S), and a small amount of OSU gear in one of the thrift shops. I briefly considered buying an OSU shirt to wear to Little Woodrow's on Friday and then tear off, but that would be a terrible waste of $20 in a place I was staying in for just over half an hour. In the end we didn't buy anything there, and instead boarded the very back of the plane to sit next to the toilet.

Oh joy.

Now, sitting in front of the toilet isn't actually that inconvenient. You're very close, and the smell's mostly kept in place (not that it matters for me anyway since I have one of the worst senses of smell on the planet), and at least you're not behind the toilet... that would be a very uncomfortable place to sit considering there's just a bunch of wall there, and probably some fuel tanks or something. ...probably SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!

No, sitting in front of the toilet isn't that bad. Sitting three rows behind a woman with a baby who won't stop bitching about whatever it is babies bitch about , now that's annoying. How are you supposed to sleep when that's going on?

Shortly in to the flight, someone came back to use the bathroom. Then someone else, 6'5 and shaped roughly like a muscular refridgerator, came back to use it too, while the baby was complaining about Bush's immigration policy. He looked at the bathroom, and I looked at the seat with the baby, and then we looked at each other and I said "Don't you envy us?" thinking I was talking about being close to the bathroom, he said "at least you're close to it," and I let it drop.

As the person already in the bathroom stepped out of it and the two maneouvered around each other, the mother finally gave her kid a bottle filled with the hopes and dreams of several Mexican amputees. I turned to my girlfriend and said "Finally, now it'll be alright." She responded "until it shits its diaper and stinks up the place."

It ended up falling asleep, thus allowing us to fall asleep, and that's how we stayed until the plane touched down in Austin.
7 years ago  |  Comments (8)
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