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Mod Breakdown:
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+733 / +553 |
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Karma Level:
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+ 36
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| Signed up: |
2 years ago (7/08/07) |
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Last signed in:
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56 minutes ago |
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Total time online:
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28d 4h 57m |
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Re: Your Brains Dissection
“If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that being trapped in a mall surrounded by a million zombies would be really troublesome. But how much more annoying would it be if the head zombie used to be your co-worker, and he was kind of a prick even before he got infected? And now he’s right outside and he just keeps talking and talking - still the same jackass, only now he wants to eat your brains?” –Jonathon Coulton
I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
To spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
And then you’ll have to make the call
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
To spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
This is a joke off of Dead Rising, a game where the main character was trapped inside of the mall.
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
And then you’ll have to make the call
In a mall, you only have limited resources. You don’t have an infinite amount of food and weapons, so you have to use what you have, and then what will you do when you’re running low or run out?
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
Gloating from your co-worker, saying that you suck at thinking and that he’s better at the bigger picture.
But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly
According to him, that’s what he does, even though he doesn’t shut up anytime, so he’s not going to eat you anytime soon.
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All your zombie co-workers want to do is eat your brains. It’s not an unreasonable request to them, and no one going to do anything dumb like eat your eyes. All we want is your brains.
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
We still want to eat your brains. Maybe we can have some sort of a truce?
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
Why don’t you just open up the doors, and we can sit down and talk this out like real men. Your brains to my teeth.
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17 and sick
Blleeeeehhh...
It's my birthday and I've thrown up twice so far.
Happy Birfday to me.
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Insert Generic Story Title Here
It’s a Paper about Nothing (Why Are You Still Reading This?)
Mitch A
I was told I could write a story about anything. Therefore, I’m going to write a story about nothing. No, I’m not going to plagiarize from Seinfeld, which is a show about nothing. What is nothing? How do we accomplish doing nothing if we are always doing something? Is there such a thing as total silence? These are the questions that haunt me.
What is nothing? Well, simply put, nothing is anything that you don’t want it to be. To turn something into nothing is simply to lose it. But how does one lose it? It could be as simple as misplacing an object, or as complicated as betraying someone’s trust. For instance, let’s say that you trusted me to keep your phone number a secret. Instead, I put your phone number on the internet. The trust that you have with me goes from everything to nothing, or at least very little. But how can you measure trust? With a number? No, no. In my world, there are three shades of trust: I can trust you with anything, I can trust you with something, or nothing at all.
Getting back to the subject at hand, how do we do nothing, even though on a day to day basis, we are always doing something? When you talk to someone on the phone and ask, “Hey, what are you doing?” and they reply “Nothing”, that just doesn’t make sense. You are always doing something, you can’t be doing nothing. You’re talking on the phone to me! You’re breathing! You’re probably reading something or watching TV as you talk on the phone to me! There is no such thing as doing absolute nothing! Not even being dead counts as nothing! Why? Because you’re dead!
Okay, angry rants aside; there is no such thing as total silence. You know how people say something alone the lines of “It was so silent, I could hear a pin drop”? Well, that’s not total silence. Our body projects some form of sound with or without us knowing. This could be our heart rate, our breathing, or our ears making the type of noise that you would get if you held a seashell, or your cupped hand, up to said ear. Even deaf people here something, because even though their eardrums are blown, they can still probably hear a little ringing noise, or at least their own heartbeat.
Well, with those topics out of my system, where can I go from here? Can I keep this paper going, like Seinfeld? Yes, I could. But I don’t feel like tormenting you by writing more meaningless paragraphs about nothing. So next time that you find yourself alone, doing what you believe is nothing, ask yourself: Am I really doing nothing, or am I really doing something?
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FLAG!
Fight Like A Girl!
Fight like a girl is a tournament I'm attempting to do this weekend for breast cancer awareness. Their official website is here.
If you'd like to register for the FFA, 2v2, 4v4, or Bungie 2v2, go ahead and sign up! Kill people while saving lives!
Also, if I see you in FFA and you're from RT, say so and I'll give you an extra special body smack ;)
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I'm back baby!
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Must find Sandvich!
Mitch A
Heavy Weapons Gye
One day, in a not so distant time period and land, there were two teams. A red team, and a blu team. They both had bases, or forts across from each other, only being separated by a wooden bridge over a lake. One of the soldiers, a big giant hairless bear, whose name was simply “Heavy”, wandered off to take a walk. He saw the welcome sign for Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg, and screamed as he was Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic. Thus, at once, he turned around and ran the other way. As he was notoriously known for, Heavy brought his big mini-gun, Sasha. He was petting Sasha, and if Sasha could talk, she would be purring like a tiny little kitty-cat right now. Walking across the bridge, Heavy had noticed something in the water. Heavy braced himself with Sasha, just in case it was one of those dirty Blus’! Instead, Heavy had made a startling discovery. Perhaps it was Sasha’s skill of serendipity, which usually led to the discovery of an already dead Blu team. This made Heavy sad, but he brightened up when he saw what was in the water. In the water, a cutieful Blu female engineer was drowning. This made Heavy confused, which was inevitable. Should he throw down Sasha, and save the drowning Engineer because it was a female? Or should he just walk on by?
In the end, Heavy’s xenophile instincts won out, and he dove into the water. In the water, he found that because of his buoyancy, he floated and was easily able to swim over to the Engineer.
“Comrade, grab my hand!” Heavy cried out.
The Engineer grabbed Heavy’s hand, and Heavy pulled Engineer out of the water.
“Thank you!” said the female Engineer, once she had caught her breath. “Thank you so much for saving me.”
Heavy was curious, as he had seen this Engineer swim before.
“What were you doing down there?” enquired Heavy.
“I was looking for metal for proliferation for…” Engineer trailed off suddenly, as she realized that it was the opposite team’s Heavy that had saved her. Suddenly, Engineer had an idea in her mind. She would perform a burlesque dance for Heavy, and while Heavy was distracted, she would call for help. Engineer rapidly felt apprehensive. As her gaze had trailed off, she noticed that Heavy had picked up Sasha, and had begun petting her again.
“Engineer extra-special escort!” Heavy yelled, and pointed Sasha at the Engineer, who began to walk back to her base slowly, understanding the message that she should return to her base.
“And don’t come back until you find Sandvich!” Heavy cried out, and began to walk back to his base.
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Two stories
I had to do a story for creative writing. I ended up making one about Doctor Leonard Church, and then I scrapped it for what was a shorter and fun story. I had to use 10 vocab words both of my choosing and that were random. Enjoy.
Mitch A
Dearest reader,
Doctor Leonard Church was notoriously known throughout the military for being one of the military’s greatest minds. It was inevitable of him to start his own project within the military, Project Freelancer. Project Freelancer specialized in AI, or Artificial Intelligence. During the early stages of Freelancer, his base of operations came under attack from a rouge group of Freelancer agents. Thus, he had to relocate his base to an underground facility in Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg, in Webster, MA. Sadly for him, he was hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic, which means that he was afraid of big words. Therefore, whenever he saw the entry sign that said “Welcome to Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg”, he read it as “WELCOME TO LAKE CHARGOGGAGOGGMANCHAUGGAGOGGCHAUBUNAGUNGAMAUGG, ALSO KNOWN AS THE PLACE WHERE SMALL WORDS COME INTO ADULTHOOD AND BECOME BIG WORDS.” This caused him to move under the lake.
One day, Dr. Church took a break from his research on experimental AI and proliferation of his own mind and went for a walk. He was deep in thought about his research, when suddenly something had snapped him out of it. Her. She was a long, red-haired beauty with a rough face, but cutieful in her own right. For him, it was love at first sight. For her, she barely noticed him, but instead was looking at a heavy dark grey case she was carrying in her arm. Church stopped dead in his tracks when he realized who it was. It was…
“Allison?” Church asked questionly.
“Yes?” Allison answered without looking up.
“Allison Texas, special agent of Project Freelancer?”
Allison wondered how this voice knew her rank, as she had tried to keep her transfer to Freelancer as quiet as she could. She looked up, and saw the kindly face of Church.
“Dr. Leonard Church, SIR!” She responded, immediately snapping to attention.
Church was taken back by this, as he had noticed how she had changed from a cutieful woman to a determined soldier.
“At ease, Allison.” Church said. Church realized that his heart was beating fast, and he was apprehensive about the situation, something he had not felt in years.
“Allison, I’d like to talk to you in my office. Would you kindly walk with me there?”
“Yes sir.” Allison complied, as she turned and started walking the way that Church was walking.
What happened in Church’s private office is anyone’s guess. One would guess some of burlesque dance, or maybe even Allison had a power of serendipity. Either way, after that faithful day, Dr. Leonard Church had a breakthrough in science. He had figured out how to clone his mind with no negative repercussions. However, in a twist of fate, Allison had fallen ill and was close to death. As Church sat near her deathbed and was talking to Allison moments before her death, Allison had one final request…
“Leonard…” Allison weakly cried out, the way a sickly young woman would.
“I’m here, Allison. What’s wrong?”
“Leonard, before I die, I have one request for you.” Allison sputtered softly.
“Anything!” Church cried. He would have done anything for her, now and forever.
“Before I die…use your breakthrough. Use the clone of my mind that you have. Make me into your artificial intelligence.” Allison requested.
“But…” Church pleaded, while he wouldn’t know how the mindset of Allison would work in anything but her body
“Please Church…”
Church succumbed to her pleas, and going against his moral choices, said that he would.
“Thank you. Never forget…memory is…the…”
“Allison? Allison?!? Allison!!!” Church yelled as he tried to shake her, to breathe life back into her, but to no avail.
Sincerely, The Chairman of Military Projects
Doctor David Church
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