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8 years ago (12/14/04)
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2 years ago
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Happy V.D.: (Anyone done this yet?)Are you lonely and have the urge to make other people just as lonely as you are? If you are, you've probably gotten the idea to grab a .357 Magnum Colt Python and a few boxes of ammo and hunt down some happy couples. Slow down Dirty Harry, you've got it all wrong, why kill the happy couples when they could be broken up using this sure fire method. Go out and find a happy couple at a bar, get the guy away from the girl using 1-4 of your friends, nothing violent just a distraction. Example: Guy goes into rest room to sit upon the throne, his pants and underwear are ripped off of him by a pair of "Mystery Hands", and then you jam the stall door shut using... I don't know, something. Mean while, the most attractive of this group of friends hits on the girl at the bar, buys her a few drinks, claims seeing a man fitting the description of her boyfriend flirting with a random girl with big knockers, and takes her back to her boyfriend's place using the car the couple came in together. A different guy from the one who stole the pants returns them to the dude in the stall, saying that he chased down the guy that stole them and beat the mortal shit out of him. This establishes a trust between the two and the returner of the pants must distract the b/f even longer by offering to drive him home and getting unbelievably lost. The guy who's with the girl places a call to the friend driving, right before he's going to do the deed with her. This will be the signal to get unlost and get the guy home, just in time to see the attractive friend blow a load right in the girl's face and take a picture of her creamed visage. WARNING!: this comment may contain graphic content and shoud not be viewed by anyone under 18 mother fucker. The friend then snaps a quick pic of the b/f, blinding him, and allowing the friend extra time to grab his clothes he carefully placed by the bedroom door and run out of that place into the waiting car of the driver friend. The couple breaks up very messily, as the guy starts yelling and throwing shit, and the tears from the girls crying eyes mix with the hot load of nut butter still on her face, very messily indeed. True, this is way more involved than just killing the happy couple, but it's way more satisfying, especially for that one particular member of the group. Anyway, Happy V.D. everybody.
P.S. I'd like to thank bp13iggy for inspiring me to dwell on this subject and write about it. Peace and sex dudes, peace and sex.
P.P.S. Yes I posted this last year, but I still believe this is an accurate depiction of the insecurities festering beneath the surface of a "healthy" relationship. I hope my advice is not going to waste and that some brave souls have tried or will try to put this plan into action.
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So, that's it then? This blows.I woke up around 5:35 Friday morning, the usual time I wake up every morning, when my mom called my cell and told me to wake my brother up and get downstairs immediately. A little over a month ago my dad got a gastric bypass surgery, and a couple weeks ago my father's mother went into the hospital because of complications caused by her breast cancer, which had spread rampant through her body like wild-fire. I knew as soon as my mom said, "Come down now!", that it was either my dad or my grandmom. My mom got a call from my grandpop around 5:25 that my grandmom had cardiac failure and was revived. It happened two more times and she was revived chemically each time. She was put on a ventilator, pumped full of drugs to help her, and by the time we got to the hospital she was just about unrecognizable; if I hadn't known it was her, I wouldn't have known it was her. They took her off the machines around 2:00 and she died at 2:30 that afternoon. I didn't think she'd be gone so soon. A couple more weeks and she would've seen me graduate. A couple more months and she would've seen me take my first step on campus as a college freshman. If we had seen her sooner she would've seen my dad slimming down from the operation and my brother growing into the strong man he's going to become. It's times like these that make me want to start smoking and then my brain says, "Does the fact that she just died from cancer mean anything you fucking idiot?" What does life really mean? Does it mean having a long dull life or a short fun one? Is it fair that some people who went crashing around from place to place living off sex, drugs, and rock&roll kick the bucket at 60 some odd years while Johnny Good-Body drops dead of an embolism at 16? I don't think, "Buy the ticket, take the ride.", really applies to life, especially considering we don't buy the ticket, hell we don't even ask for one, we just get strapped in and blind-folded; hoping that it's either a fun ride or it ends well. If you're truly enlightened the blind fold flies off so you can see what happens next, only to find that life's like Space Mountain and you can't see shit except for shadows of where you're headed, and if you throw your hands up in the air for a little extra fun, fwang there go your arms. Anyway, whenever anyone close to me dies I automatically think of the following song, if anyone else out there has a song that they associate with death feel free to post the name and artist unless it's really, disgustingly morbid; I think death's hard enough to handle as it is.
"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"
By Green Day
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
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Too weird to live, and too rare to die.Dr. Hunter Stockton Thompson, A.K.A. Raoul Duke, A.K.A. Dr. Gonzo, died on the evening of Sunday, February 20, 2005 of a "self-inflicted" gunshot to the head at the age of 67 or 65. He was born on July 18, 1937 or 1939, in Louisville, Kentucky. There is controversy surrounding his entire life, even the year he was born is disputed. When I heard that Hunter Thompson died, I just wanted to go back to my room, be sad all day, and not go to school, but I got four days off last week because I had pneumonia so I had to go in. However, in memoriam, I put on my white fishing hat, my black leather arm band, grabbed my pair of rose tinted tea shades, my pair of aviator glasses, and bandana out of the drawer, and popped my fake cigarette holder with a fake cigarette in my mouth and kind of moped around school all day. Before I left the house though, I thought of something from Fear and Loathing and adapted it to convey a personal message to the big man upstairs. I said, “You better take care of him Lord 'cause if you don't, you're gonna have me on your hands." And then I told God that Hunter better not be in a place where his voice is screaming, “Holy Jesus! What are these Goddamn animals!?!" I deeply mourn his death. If any of you are out there, it'd be good to know I can rely on another freak in the freak kingdom for some small bit of consolation.
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Happy V.D.: Valentines Day.Are you lonely and have the urge to make other people just as lonely as you are? If you are, you've probably gotten the idea to grab a .357 Magnum Colt Python and a few boxes of ammo and hunt down some happy couples. Slow down Dirty Harry, you've got it all wrong, why kill the happy couples when they could be broken up using this sure fire method. Go out and find a happy couple at a bar, get the guy away from the girl using 1-4 of your friends, nothing violent just a distraction. Example: Guy goes into rest room to sit upon the throne, his pants and underwear are ripped off of him by a pair of "Mystery Hands", and then you jam the stall door shut using... I don't know, something. Mean while, the most attractive of this group of friends hits on the girl at the bar, buys her a few drinks, claims seeing a man fitting the description of her boyfriend flirting with a random girl with big knockers, and takes her back to her boyfriend's place using the car the couple came in together. A different guy from the one who stole the pants returns them to the dude in the stall, saying that he chased down the guy that stole them and beat the mortal shit out of him. This establishes a trust between the two and the returner of the pants must distract the b/f even longer by offering to drive him home and getting unbelievably lost. The guy who's with the girl places a call to the friend driving, right before he's going to do the deed with her. This will be the signal to get unlost and get the guy home, just in time to see the attractive friend blow a load right in the girl's face and take a picture of her creamed visage. WARNING!: this comment may contain graphic content and shoud not be viewed by anyone under 18 mother fucker. The friend then snaps a quick pic of the b/f, blinding him, and allowing the friend extra time to grab his clothes he carefully placed by the bedroom door and run out of that place into the waiting car of the driver friend. The couple breaks up very messily, as the guy starts yelling and throwing shit, and the tears from the girls crying eyes mix with the hot load of nut butter still on her face, very messily indeed. True, this is way more involved than just killing the happy couple, but it's way more satisfying, especially for that one particular member of the group. Anyway, Happy V.D. everybody.
P.S. I'd like to thank bp13iggy for inspiring me to dwell on this subject and write about it. Peace and sex dudes, peace and sex.
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You say EMO, I say Retard.Today I'd like to offer my thoughts on how to solve the problem known in the music world as EMO. I know how to deal with EMO guys, they think they're depressed over this loss or that loss, it mostly revolves around their ex-girlfriends. Solution: get back up on the horse. By horse I of course mean whatever slutty girl will spread them for you. They have lost sight of the fact that superficial, meaningless, sexual encounters work, have worked, and will continue to work until the end of time. If they can't get a girl, they can live by my moto, "It's not a right hand, it's a relationship." My advice for EMO girls varies from case to case for the simple fact that women are more complex than men. Guys are easier to deal with, sex is normally the first thing on our minds. I'm a big guy so sometimes exhaustive efforts aren't no.1 on my list. Sometimes it's pizza, glorious pizza. Mmmm piiizzzaaa. Sorry, I got sidetracked. EMO girls let's see... well first I'd have to know what a majority of EMO girls are depressed about. Since, like I said EMO guys bitch because they're sad about a really bad break up, if it were the same for a girl, I would say find a guy. However, I can say with certainty that even though guys want to bang a hottie we'll take just about anything, even the hunks will take a fish from the bottom of the barrel. However one must not forget the universal rule: No fat chicks. When someone is depressed, they feel like something's missing or they feel over burdoned. Somehow, both fulfillment and release can be achieved through the cosmic mystery that is the orgasm. Even though a guy or girl can climax by their own power, the inevitable realization that you're alone quickly negates all the feelings of euphoria you just experienced. This plunges people even further down into a deeper depression, thereby creating more fodder for the EMO shit-wagon. In hind-sight, fuck masturbation, forget what I said earlier about it being a vialble alternative to sex. MASTURBATION IS BAD!! Whew, dodged the bullet on that one. Where was I? Oh yes, before I started rambling about how sex can cure depression I was talking about standards. Both men and women would prefer an attractive partner to sleep with. However, EMOs are extremely damaged goods and need a, or perhaps several, sexual encounters that are so phenomanol they will be revived from the deep funk they fell into. Because men, barring fatigue or equipment failure, always; to put it eloquently as possible; cum, EMO guys need to bed a hot chick, or chicks, not all necessarily at once. EMO girls however would not need a hunk, although it would probably be prefered. The solution to the problem is not a Brad Pit or an Orlando Bloom, but a John Holmes. In summation the cure for the terrible disease that is EMO is a good lay. Take my advice for what it is, I bet it's some pretty good shit, even though it spewed forth from the mind of a sexually frustrated adolescent Catholic male virgin. Oh well that's all for now, take care and remember, "Mangia."
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AARRGGHH!!I really wish I had substantial, life altering, sayings and beliefs to write in these journals but I mostly just vent in them. I'd just like to say that this modding thing is really starting to piss me off! It's not that people are taking away mod points, though that happened, but I'm mad at the fact that I have to look through every post I made to find where I've been modded. There's no notice that pops up on my homepage that says "You have been modded." and takes me to it so that I can churn out more of the stuff people like. I don't really care about the people who detract from my work, they're a bunch of fucktards anyway. I would never spite anyone mod points over how they feel or what they like because, who am I to judge? Who are any of us to judge? In short; 1) develop modding alerts and 2) positive mods, good idea, negative mods, bad idea.
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I'm REALLY going to college!My last journal was made at 2:40 AM Dec. 18, at around 12:00 PM that same day I got a letter from the only college I applied to, which is the only college I want to go to, and it said I had been accepted. Pardon me but, YAHOO! The only part that sucks is that I wanted to get together with my friends that day and party until dawn, and now almost a week has passed and I have yet to get remotely drunk. I wanted to do something this Saturday but it's Christmas and I have to spend it with my family, stupid freakin' holidays, ME WANT PARTY!
TOGA, TOGA, TOGA! Sorry, had to vent. I am really psyched that I made it, it's the only school for me.
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I'm going to college!I just got my most recent S.A.T. scores M.-630, V.-690. Taking the two highest overall scores from the two gives me a M.-630, V.-710. Liberal arts college here I come!
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