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29 year-old male from a place.
Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire. | Latest Post | |
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Followup Advice
Hello again. One of my previous journal entries, regarding the carrying of weapons indoors, has left a few people with questions. One, from the less aggressive crowd, queries what sort of weapon they should carry. Now, as an objective observer, I leave it to your own personal tastes and experience to choose the method of death for your own opponents, but many of my readers have no experince or preference in what sort of weapon they'd like to use. Since they cannot, I would like to give them the option of listening to a more experienced, more educated, and bossier person rather than making up their own minds.
Tazer: I learned the wonder and fear of a tazer from my ex-girlfriend, who had a 20,000-volt model kept in her dresser (don't ask). They are quiet, effective, and, so I hear, quite painful. Those of you lacking in physical strength may want to consider this option, as it provides the closest thing to a level playing field your weak ass is likely to find. Just be careful, as it has a bad habit of backfiring on careless wielders.
Knife: Perhaps the most popular weapon in America, the knife has the benefits of both stealth and high pain/effort ratio. I know this first hand, but don't ask me how. There are various models and varieties to choose from, but in the end it really doesn't matter which you choose. All have the same form and function, so pick the one you think you would look the most badass holding while standing atop a pile of your fallen enemies. Again, take caution, as those who attempt threatening spins and twirls with knives often end up defeating themselves before their opponent has anything to say about it.
Sword: Perhaps the most underused and underestimated weapon on my list, the sword is the knife's bigger, meaner brother. Inspite of whatever small, thin, weak, and physically unimposing frame you may be using, you will frighten you enemies if you choose the proper sword. Just as with the knife, don't try anything too fancy for your skill level, lest you smite yourself and bring your enemy to tears only through his own laughter. Laughter at your insolence. Fool.
Guns: By far the least entertaining of personal sidearms. I refuse to recommend this unless you're in the American armed forces, in which case YOU KICK ASS. ROCK ON. Otherwise, it ends the fight far too quickly and with far too little effort. Find a nice sword, weakling, and visit a gym.
Bow: Hey, if you can pull it off, go for it. You'll look awesome, sending arrows into the attacking hordes, who run in fear while dropping their foolish melee weapons on the abandoned battlefield. Just be sure to pair this weapon with another, or you'll have to run from whatever halfwit gets within five feet of you. Also, anybody who's played Zelda: Ocarina of Time can tell you that arrows don't grow on trees.
Blunt Object: Easily the most entertaining weapon available, as no single hit is likely to end the fight and each is delightfully painful. A short list of the available objects includes:
-Basball bat
-Tire iron
-Wrench
-Hammer
-Branch
-Cardboard tube (can be very hard and effective)
-Barstool
-PCB pipe
-Candlestick
-Rock
-Brass knuckles
-Umbrella
-Cane
-Golf Club
-Pool Que
-Polo Hammer
-Mace
-Croquet Mallot
-Table leg
-Various limbs of your fallen enemies
All of these are viable options for any street fighter and provide a good deal of visual stimulation for any lucky passersby, hopefully me.
This entry has gotten pretty long, so I'll finish it soon. I think you have enough to chew on there.
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| Awards | | | | The Goods | | | Name |
Jack the Irate | | Occupation |
Chef | | Birthday |
February 27th, 1983 | | Interests |
God Irish History Heraldry Anime Violence Video Games Foreign Food | | REDARMYRULES'... | | | Movies |
Boondock Saints James Bond series O Brother Where Art Thou? Spiderman I and II Lord of the Rings Matrix Terminator |
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