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Game designers, this ones for you:....
1. SLUTTY =/= HOT. Game designers have been trying to pander to a demographic dominated (they think) by horny pre-teen males by making all female characters look totally skanky. Video game fashion atrocities range from skintight outfits to the infamous "Bikini Armor."
Believe it or not, a pretty girl is still pretty, even if she's not showing off her entire body. Also believe it or not, most men prefer a realistic, yet still cute girl over a half-nude DDD-breasted amazon skank-princess. At least most men anyone takes seriously.
Look, sure it may sell a couple more copies to some horny 12 year olds, but is it really worth ruining the seriousness of your game? While we're on the subject...
2. WEDGIES =/= HOT. I'm talking to you, Dreamcatcher, and I'm throwing up at your game, Dungeon Lords. A horrifying side effect of games with skintight armor for the lady folk seems to be terrible wedgies, where the armor is somehow pulled completely into their ass crack. It's not sexy. It's gross.
3. IMPOSSIBLY HARD =/= A FUN CHALLENGE. It could be just a hard segment, like God of War's vertical spiked rolling barrels that knock you ALL the way down when you get hit by a spike. Or it could be the whole game, like Dungeon Lords, which had to give you the ability to respawn infinitely JUST TO BE FAIR. Honestly, what is going through your f***ing minds? Do you think people LIKE impossibly hard games? Do you feel like you need to punish people for playing? Or do you just not playtest your games at all? (I'm looking at you, Snowblind.) Because I really want to know what's up.
4. UNIQUE =/= GOOD. Unlimited SaGa, Chaos Legion, this one's for you guys. These two games were both cutting edge, totally unique gameplay experiences. They also both completely and undeniably sucked hard donkey cock. Listen, game designers, the tried and true is called that because it's TRIED AND F***ING TRUE.
The only difference between these two is that Chaos Legion was a crappy game, but it paved the way for much better Massive Beat 'Em Ups like Devil Kings and Drakengard. Unlimited SaGa was just a horrble idea that should have never been done.
5. PLAYERS DON'T LIKE HAVING THEIR FAILURES RUBBED IN THEIR FACES. Alright, can we talk about Game Over screens for a second here? Why is it that all games force you to sit there and stare at the Game Over screen for about 15-30 seconds, without the option to skip it or anything? Final Fantasy X-2 takes this to a whole other level, giving you the ability to do a soft reset by pressing start, select, and all four shoulder buttons, but -you guessed it!- disabling the soft reset function during the Game Over screen. Alright! I get it! I lost! I know already! You'd might as well just take the Game Over screen out entirely and replace it with a blank screen and a sound track that says "Yoo-oo-ou di-iied! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!" over and over again for a half a minute. It couldn't possibly be any more humiliating or annoying.
6. KILL THE ATBS ALREADY. Sorry, folks, but the Active Time Battle System remains the single worst idea in the history of role playing games. (Except maybe Unlimited SaGa.) Yes, programmers, that's just what I want: to be forced to play beat the clock in a situation where I'm supposed to be thinking of a good strategy to use against my opponent.
While we're at it, can we take out all of those other faux-action-game aspects from RPGs too? Role-playing games are supposed to be about strategy, logic, and intuitive gameplay. Let's keep it that way. RPGs are supposed to appeal to RPers, not low INT action game nuts. You're ticking off real gamers by trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Stop it.
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