wTimes when I've felt like someone has listened to me and gave a shit about what I say comes so rarely to me. So often people cut me off, never hear me out and let me finish what I'm saying. It's not just my family, it's damn near everyone.
The first case of this was something that happened to me a long time ago. Kindergarten, I think. You might not wanna read this next part.
I was walking along during recess when I saw a commotion. I went to go see what was going on. Looked like a classic boy vs girl thing we all go through as kids, but this one went too far. And so they went to get help and when help came, I was thrown under the bus. I was accused of choking a girl and it didn't matter how many times I told them I didn't do it, no one listened to me. I don't tell this story to many people. It's the single worst thing that's ever happened to me and I think maybe I've forgiven the world for it but I can never forget. But what really pissed me off about it is years later, dad forgot.
I used to feel like my best friend listened to me. And his father. But now, it's like being home, but worse. They don't listen, they cut me off, they don't let me finish my thoughts, and they always have to be right.
I often say my thoughts aloud. I find my thoughts come to me in better clarity when I hear them. But what I say is often my side of a conversation I never got to say or things I want to say to someone that I know I'll never get to. I've realized, this is not just because I find it easier to think that way, but it's also the only catharsis I can find. If I can't say them to the person, I'll say them to no one in particular. Because in the end, one of the only people I know that I feel actually listens to me is me. How fucking sad is that? Kinda pathetic if you ask me.
I'll be back...