CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

Female
from Minnesota, USA

  • Activity

    • Acceptance, and a guide to Asexuality

      6 days ago

      CitySelby

      I've been trying to become more socially 'out there' since the start of this year (a bit difficult for a confirmed introvert), and after over a month of mental-regrouping, I went back at it this week. Today on Twitter, I saw a retweet by one of our lovely community members of a meme about orientation and inclusivity... and almost immediately felt bad about where the resulting thread had gone without him intending it to.


      Without going into these people's details, some users, both openly LGBT, decided to speak ill of inclusivity towards asexuality, which is recognized within the LGBTQIA community. to quote: "They just love to pretend they're oppressed for not wanting sex," "Cishet aces should be glad," "it burns me up when people try to make specifically LGBT things all-inclusive," and "I have nothing against ace people, but there is a line of respect due." Two people on the internet speaking in such a way as to make myself- and I would definitely assume others, should they come across these comments- feel shame for wanting the same thing they do: being acknowledged and recognized as acceptable.


      As an asexual, first I would like to make one thing very clear which might not be: libido and orientation are two very different things. Orientation is what most people are familiar with: the idea that a person is attracted to one or more types of being, the most simply understood/accepted labels being straight, gay/lesbian, and bisexual. Libido is the term one could more commonly call sexual appetite or sex drive: how often you want sex, how much you like it, and how much/what type you need to satisfy your desires. To illustrate: taking Prozac won't make you gay/straight if you're the other way around, but it does have a common side effect of lowering your libido due to messing with your serotonin levels. A young adult could be cold on sex until they discover kink or vibrators. 'Cishet' does not apply to an asexual person in the way the Twitter user above meant in their denial: the 'het' part is already out the window by merit of describing a different orientation altogether (heterosexuality). As for the 'cis' part, many asexuals are cisgender, but that's not the rule- transgender and non-gendered individuals can be asexual just the same.


      There are, yes, quite a lot of asexual people who have low or virtually non-existent libidos, but it's neither universal nor one of the requirements. In fact, there are some asexuals who quite enjoy the act of sex; myself, I'm toward the other extreme. What makes someone asexual is the fact that they aren't sexually attracted to any type of person. It is generally understood that one does not need to be attracted to someone in order to have sex with them, and that is just as true for asexuals who go through sex for the sake of a partner in order to give them what they want or expect from the relationship.


      My own experience put simply, I never have/will never want to chat up or get into a relationship with someone in order to have sex. I never have/will never have to change panties from the experience of another person, save after getting pushed into a pool unexpectedly. I never have/will never have the desire-to-have-sex-with-someone driven by a personal, social, or physical trait. I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, male or female- including the short string of boyfriends who took it upon themselves to pursue me. Had I not been taught to hate myself for being born female in a fundamentalist Christian group, I might've had the courage to stay single.


      And here's where it hits home, as any LGBTQIA community member will recognize: 


      - "I'll bet you're not really ____, you just haven't met the right person/had a good partner/tried hard enough. Here, let me prove it to you..."
      - "You're not ____, you just think I'm ugly/a bitch/an asshole/you're better than me. You just want to hurt me by saying these things. How could you do this to me?!"
      - "You're not ____, you're just looking for attention/going through a phase. When you come back to your senses, here's my number/I'll accept your apology."


      Did you add the word lesbian, gay, bi, trans, or queer for it to make sense? These lines work the exact same for 'asexual', but, and this is a very important but, we get it from everyone, straight and LGBT. We have been made to hide a lack of attraction for fear of derision, attacks for not being considered a truly existing orientation, and misguided attempts at 'fixing'. So, a common defense mechanism many of us use is to fake another orientation, or to simply avoid dating and/or social environments altogether, to stave off harassment- but then comes the self-hate at denying one's being, and the fallout when/if the truth arises. Sound familiar...?


      So No. It's literally not you, it's me. It's not an insult, I'm seriously just not into that. And yet it's almost universally taken as an insult. Sex has become such a part of our identities here in the West that a rejection, for whatever reason, can be dangerous- and those who accept no invitations are assumed to be either sick or hiding something, perhaps their sadistic glee at insulting pursuers. No. It's literally not you, it's me. I'm not into you or anyone else. And no, it's not a medical or psychological condition or defect; I feel perfectly fine the way I am, and it has no negative effects on my home or work life. This is normal for me. Someday, I hope it can be as okay as being just about anything else.


      I fully respect other members of the community who've gone before me (starting with my aunt and uncles) and are here now as well, but at this particular moment I am made to feel unwelcome being alongside or even looking up to them. They've heard it all before, they've fought the good fight and continue to fight it, they've won their ground, but at this moment I am made to feel unwelcome having anything to do with the effort to make the world better and safer for all. Why is it okay to turn around and throw the exact same slurs used by homophobes at a much smaller, objectively less vocal group that gets them from those same homophobes as well? What purpose of solidarity does that serve, to finally approach a safe place for anyone to be with/love/have sex with whomever they want, but to shun and ridicule those who would prefer to simply be on the sidelines and accepting/accepted? We're all in this together, and wonderful things happen when all types are able to contribute. And yes, we want to. We're just quieter about it.


      I am made to feel unwelcome for this moment on the internet, all because of two people trying to make themselves feel bigger by belittling others. But only for a moment. Because I recognize that their words are simply a sign that they have their own insecurities about who they are or want to be, making them just like everyone else in this world, including myself- they just chose to, sadly, express those insecurities in a certainly hurtful and possibly harmful way. This moment will pass, others will- and indeed already have begun to- speak out against their comments, and I will try again to feel welcome and to engage.


      For those looking for some easily accessible, reputable sources on this topic, I would highly recommend starting your search with a visit to AVEN (the Asexual Visibility and Education Network) at asexuality.org, or by going to BBC and searching their well-written set of articles under 'asexuality'. If you've made it all the way down here, thank you so much for reading and I hope the rest of your week goes well.

    • Educational journal attempt #1: the watershed

      2 months ago

      CitySelby

      Last month, I asked if anyone would be interested in these, and after cutting my teeth on an article for my neighborhood's seasonal newsletter, I figured I'd try to do one for here- which has a much more... varied audience. I tried to make this internationally translatable so more people could interact with it, and I chose just a working title for now, it could change with feedback. Let me know what you think!


      Water and Us: the Science of Mni Wiconi, Part 1


      With the protests and legal challenges surrounding fracking (hydraulic fracture-mining), drought/flooding issues, and oil transport methods in North America, water-use and hydrology have become more prominent in political talk, but necessarily better-understood in regular conversation. Many people in the US only learn about water in middle- and high-school Earth Science class, and even then only in terms of the 'water cycle', where it's often mixed into weather coursework. But it's so much more than that.


      To start, let's consider our most immediate relationships with water. Environmentally, we deal with two concepts: the watershed (in Europe commonly known as a drainage basin) and the water table. Simply put, the first is the area of land that is drained by a body of water, and the second describes how deep you would normally have to dig a hole before you found standing water (without wading into a stream or lake). Let's look at this first concept a little closer.


      When it comes to a watershed or drainage basin, you live in at least one: yes, they overlap. As a rule of thumb, the further inland you live, the more watersheds you most likely live in. For instance, let's say you lived in Leeds, England. Directly downtown, you're not only in the drainage basin for the River Aire but also the Rivers Ouse and Humber as well; the water under the Neville Street bridge eventually drains into the North Sea, and does so by stages as happens in many other places. In North America, let's pick the little town of Laurelville, Ohio. The nearby Salt Creek (the most local watershed) drains into the Scioto River (the next regional watershed), which drains into the Ohio River (the next-next regional one), which then drains into the Mississippi River (the largest watershed in North America), which finally empties into the Gulf of Mexico at New Orleans. That's a very long distance for that water to travel.


      This overlap of districts makes for some big problems, however. Take the MN Pollution Control Agency's recent survey of the Upper Mississippi River, for instance: nearer the source between Lake Itasca and Grand Rapids, its waters are very clear and great for fishing and recreation, thanks to the protection it gets within several state forests and local Native American reservations. However, further down where the Crow River enters near Dayton, there are significant concentrations of phosphorus, nitrate, silt, and fecal bacteria from unbuffered farms, mining/industrial areas, and erosion. From Dayton to when it exits the Twin Cities region, the Mississippi picks up water from (in turn): the Rum River; Rice, Shingle, Bassett, and Minnehaha Creeks; the Minnesota River; the Pig's Eye Lake system; and finally the St. Croix and Vermillion Rivers- in addition to thousands of unnamed storm-drain pipes and ditches. Both Minneapolis and St. Paul rely on the Mississippi for their drinking water, like hundreds of other towns further downstream.


      That's a lot to take in.


      So why isn't water protection more of a concern? That's a very good question. One idea is that, because it's plentiful and so easy to get, it's easier to forget. Another is business interests: increased environmental protections would assumedly translate into higher costs for companies to do business, which might then translate into higher costs for consumers. Yet another is inconvenience: legislating tougher protections is complicated, expensive, and time-consuming, even if you're not a politician, and your efforts aren't even guaranteed to make any difference (and if you do effect change, you risk it all being reversed by future politicians, as is currently happening with threats to the EPA and MN's Air, Water, and Cultural Legacy Act). Still another is apathy: your family in Arizona isn't affected by the lead pollution in Flint, MI, so why should you care? There are countless others, but none change one simple fact: humans need water to survive.


      If this is something people like, next article I want to touch on the water table and how it works with both the watershed and local soil. Thanks for reading!

    • Personal (Re)Introduction [fair warning: just a little sappy]

      2 months ago

      CitySelby

      First off, I would like to thank the people here that I've interacted with and lurked on since I joined a few years back. The encouragement and advice I've received from the people here have gotten me through some really hard times, some of which are still ongoing but easier to handle than had I never gotten to meet and interact with many of you. Like many lurkers on the internet, I'm a diagnostic introvert who hasn't gotten much of a handle on self-sharing. Back when I was doing a daily post, it was almost strictly about music with occasional updates that ended up being generic gripes about bad roommates and stress in the job-hunt routine.


      But where I was previously in life also contributed to this, and in truth it wasn't pretty. To be honest? I'd never thought I'd even be alive for this long- most every message I've received, from family to statistics to fundamentalist Christians, told me I'd be dead by either health risks or suicide by age 25. I'm currently 33 and still have problems with those messages, even though I've removed myself from most of those influences, but I've been working on it. So this is something I would like to change: to be the one directing my story without others' direction or fear of their reactions. With that said, I'd like to give a short (re)introduction, using what I hope will become my legal name later this year.


      *Clearing throat sound*


      Hello! I'm Selby. I'm working toward a career in urban planning, and am currently self-learning (MIT OCW and Duolingo) to brush up on math/computer science, urban studies, and Spanish. My core interests involve civic engagement, cultural architecture, urban ecology, and the creative impacts of poverty on urban life. Currently, I'm volunteering for two nonprofits as a mechanic/go-fer at an open bike shop, and with my neighborhood association as one of their new media/content managers. One challenging thing I'd like to learn is podcasting and properly editing those short educational videos like Minute Physics (but more live-action-oriented), because there are so many interesting aspects of urban life and what goes into making it possible and I want to find some way of sharing that in an easily accessible format.


      I want to give back with what I have; do the things I'm studying/interested in seem interesting to you? Let me know. Have some advice on something here? Let me know. Want feedback or have a question on something weird? Let me know. It will take a while for me to get used to posting more regularly, and getting poked would certainly make sure I do (I hate being non-responsive, I consider it rude), but I want to make the effort.


      And finally, thank you. Just for being here.


      With love,

      Selby Verrar

    • Would anyone be interested in educational journals?

      3 months ago

      CitySelby

      I've been thinking about doing some short writeups about maybe US local government/history/architecture/urban planning/sociology topics, because teaching is learning twice. Would this be something people would actually read on this site?

    • I don't care what else is going on just now

      4 months ago

      CitySelby

      kenotyd5nv6mx7fhlp38.jpg

      This made me actually laugh in a way that I haven't in months. Bravo good Sir.

    • Anyone use Darebee (formerly NeilaRey)?

      in Forums > Anyone use Darebee (formerly NeilaRey)? | Follow this topic

      CitySelby

      It's almost NYE, I thought maybe try to spark something for people interested... I'm just finishing up with the Foundation Light program, and was thinking of going to the abs one to start working a little on posture/scoliosis/hyperlordosis. I think the general body of their work is really decent, although the meal information leaves something be desired- but still helpful as a baseline. As a pescatarian, I have to fudge things a lot...


      What's everyone else think? For the record I mean the stuff at the Darebee website. Anyone gone through any other programs or workout cards that they'd like to comment on?

      1 reply

    • Truth in advertising, or at least the logo.

      1 year ago

      CitySelby

      For a major project, I've been trying to learn more about graphic design in order to make it look somewhere remotely approachable/nice/pleasant. One thing I've found out very quickly in this endeavor I will share:


      If a 'teacher''s idea of showing you how to create business logos is directly based on stock clip-art from Adobe Illustrator (and by business logos, I mean they use as examples several they actually sold to clients without altering the images): run.


      On the other hand, I'm getting a much better appreciation for the difficulty of the work so many of you guys do here for a living. You guys rock.

    • Job opportunity listings

      in Forums > Job opportunity listings | Follow this topic

      CitySelby

      So... maybe it might be a good idea for people to pass on stuff that they've found to help out fellow group members.


      Here's some: Activision has an office in Eden Prairie and are currently looking for some people, including QA game testers; from what I've been told, it's June-November this year. Here's the list of jobs they have for our state: https://activision.jibeapply.com/activision/jobs?k... . The game tester listing is the last one as of the time I viewed it.


      Good luck to anyone able to apply; I can't make it out there.



      1 reply

    • Ratatoskr asked CitySelby a question

      If you could have one feature or defining trait from the character that is your icon, what would it be?

      Answered: Apr 6, 2016

      Oh man... Ed's such a cool character, too! If I was forced to choose only one, I would have to say her knack for following her curiosity/gut instincts in such an honest way- she went with the flow of the world around her, very rarely made full-on assumptions about anything she came across, and while people wrote her behavior off most every time as her just being a silly kid, she uncovered really important stuff and had fun doing it.


      That, or being best friends with Ein.

  • Comments (21)

    • Xcalante Sentry The Defiant

      1 year ago

      Hey! Thanks for the add!!!

    • Xcalante Sentry The Defiant

      1 year ago

      Hey! Thanks for the add!!!

    • Spartan117qz

      2 years ago

      Gotta love that profile pic.

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        Thanks! Ed is one of my favorite characters.

    • glaberge FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold LaBear

      2 years ago

      Hey! Thanks for being totally awesome and coming and hanging out with us. Hope to see you again soon at the next event.

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        It was amazing getting to meet all of you, I definitely want to make it again! smiley13.gif

    • EatinEtan FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      2 years ago

      So I decided I wanted to send someone a warm and fuzzy message that I didn't know yet. I saw your Ed picture and as someone who plans on at least watching the episode "My Funny Valentine" today, I knew that I should send one to you haha. Happy Warm Fuzzies Day! smiley0.gif

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        Such a great episode!

        Hope you had a good Warm Fuzzies Day too smiley12.gifsmiley13.gifsmiley12.gif

    • LUCASthe3RDj That Guy

      2 years ago

      To the lady with all the music!

      Happy Warm Fuzzies Day!

      smiley12.gif

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        DAWWW THANKS!

        Happy Warm Fuzzies to you as well smiley7.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley9.gif

    • Raf FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold ShimmySham Gaming

      2 years ago

      Thank you for the add, lady! smiley13.gif

      • Raf FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold ShimmySham Gaming

        2 years ago

        Awww, thank you! I really appreciate it! smiley12.gif

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        You seem like such a cool person, couldn't help it! Love your artwork smiley12.gifsmiley13.gif

    • Caszie Fishy Queen

      2 years ago

      Thank you for the friendship!! :D

      I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you also watching me? :3 I promise this is a good questions and if you aren't I totally understand!

      • Caszie Fishy Queen

        2 years ago

        You are the COOLEST!!!!! :D

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        LOL didn't realize I got to be so cool! smiley8.gifsmiley9.gifsmiley13.gif

      • Caszie Fishy Queen

        2 years ago

        YOU ARE MY 250 WATCHER!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        I watch everyone on my friends list, thanks for accepting! smiley7.gif

    • MANGAKrAfter

      2 years ago

      Your Icon is awesome!

      • MANGAKrAfter

        2 years ago

        Yeah, I love over energetic characters like her XD

      • CitySelby FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        2 years ago

        Thanks! Ed's my favorite character from Cowboy Bebop (Spike is a close second). I just like how geeky she is, without even really identifying herself as that- she's a kid who really likes playing with computers and can do cool stuff with them.

  • Questions answered by CitySelby

    Oh man... Ed's such a cool character, too! If I was forced to choose only one, I would have to say her knack for following her curiosity/gut instincts in such an honest way- she went with the flow of the world around her, very rarely made full-on assumptions about anything she came across, and while people wrote her behavior off most every time as her just being a silly kid, she uncovered really important stuff and had fun doing it.


    That, or being best friends with Ein.