9 years ago
March 07, 2007 - John Bennett is used to the monotony. As captain of a New Zealand commercial fishing boat, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s accustomed to spending months at a time afloat in the Antarctic Ocean, staring atÃ¢â‚¬'well, nothing. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just ice really, lots and lots of ice,Ã¢â‚¬Â says Bennett. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sometimes, not even a seabird.Ã¢â‚¬Â On a particularly calm day in late January, Bennett was tending to his deep-sea fishing linesÃ¢â‚¬'each one 2,000 meters long (nearly a mile and a quarter), and sporting up to 10,000 baited hooksÃ¢â‚¬'in hopes of a major toothfish haul. Suddenly, the calm was shatteredÃ¢â‚¬'by the sight of a colossal squid surfacing near the stern. The beast, a 33-foot-long adult male weighing half a ton, had wrapped itself around one of BennettÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s lines. Ã¢â‚¬Å“It was just this great big brown shape,Ã¢â‚¬Â recalls Bennett, who was watching from the bridge. Ã¢â‚¬Å“It came up right alongside us. Everyone was yelling and screaming.Ã¢â‚¬Â
9 years ago
You will think these jokes are funny
How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.
The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, shit!''
In Texas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''
You might be a redneck if you think Ã¢â‚¬Å“wind sprintsÃ¢â‚¬Â means running from a fart.
You know you're a redneck if you do all of your Christmas shopping at a truck stop
this joke is a little long but its funny
The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR -- noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS -- noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
FARN -- adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."
DID -- adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"
BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE -- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."
SEED -- verb, past tense.
VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
HEAVY DEW -- phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
GUMMIT -- noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
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