I’ve talked about my mental illness before but here I go again, because today, its especially important.
I have dealt with PTSD since I was assaulted and abused as a child.
I went through childhood struggling with ADHD that nobody recognized. Same goes for my dyscalculia.
I have always had anxiety, as with everyone in my family.
in 2013 my doctor diagnosed me with Depression while I was living in (another) abusive situation. I was prescribed medication for it. I was in such bad shape I couldn’t eat or sleep. I had lost a dangerous amount of weight. I lived in a fuzzy static where my emotions had decided to give up.
My abusers were NOT happy. Depression made “us” look bad. It would be embarrassing if anyone knew I was on medication for it. Sure I could tell people it was anxiety medication, as “everyone knew I was shy”.
They told me I was melodramatic and looking for attention any time my depression became overwhelming. And I was unable to get any support or talk about it without causing more problems at home.
After I got out, when I was free to live my life, I found out about Carrie Fisher, Princess friggin Leia, having overcome addiction. And how she fought with Bipolar Disorder every day.
And more importantly, how unapologetically vocal she was about it and her rights as a woman.
She said “fuck you” to the social stigma surrounding mental illness. She spoke about it freely and honestly. Forced people to acknowledge it as a part of who she is and always has been.
That was so inspirational to me. She was inspirational to me. I never got to meet her, but she encouraged me to open up about my mental illnesses. To accept them and make sure the people in my life are aware of them, whether they want to be or not.
I wish I could have met her at least once and told her. I hope she knew how many women she empowered with her feminism, and how many people like me she emboldened with her life and stories and wit.
I send out love and hugs to anyone else who was positively affected just by her being who she was, and has been hit hard by news of her passing.
My thoughts go out to those who were close to her, to her family and friends.
And I hope someone gives good puppy Gary all the love possible.
May the Force be with you, General.
We will all continue to fight the good fight.