6 years ago
I AM VERY EXCITED! Aaah that's better, freakin' caps lock was loud as a mother fucker, which is very loud apparently. Anyway getting to the point now, I now Has an XBOX 360!(i39.tinypic.com/20a8778.jpg) That's three hundred and sixty times more fun than the old school Xbox! And I got Left 4 Dead (i40.tinypic.com/33n7zmu.jpg) to, so I've been up for the last like almost 3 days painting and shoving my cock down zombie throats and telling them to cradle the balls and take me to the base. I think i might puke from the awesome-ness, all I need now is that blasted XboX live subscription.
6 years ago
n00bs: Hey Gangles do you think you could identify herpes if I showed you something?
Dennis: Umm... maybe
n00bs: It's nothing gay, it's just this thing in my mouth, I think it might be Herpes
Dennis: oh well I don't know about that
n00bs: Yeah well I don't think I should show anyways
Dennis: Well good cause i really didn't want to see
n00bs: shut up
Dennis: seriously. Cause if you showed me I would've totally ralfed everywhere, and your mouth would've gotten like the full force. Then you'd start blowing chunks everywhere and then I and everyone else within range of the commotion would start puking and then we'd all be stuck in the puke ocean.
6 years ago
Hetero Sexual Ass pat
The Name "escobar"
Cake, the band & the food
the word "Epic"
Scoring Chicks without trying (was epic)
Jokes about bears
The food Network, when you're hungry
Eating it on a unicycle
Info-mercials (they're commercials that provide information)
Thinking about something really hard then accidentally blurting out something weird
Empty houses, just cause
Old school cars
Happy tree friends
Unicorns, the band and the fictional animal
Bulk Sope ( should probably be #1 )
Spilling paints on a piece of paper and being told it looks "really good" by the teacher
Extra awesome bands (all of them are pretty equally kick ass)
Super super fast Bass solo
Giant mixing boards
Books with Large Text, so i don't have to strain mah eyes
doing things in Slow motion
6 years ago
All clams start out as males; some decide to become females at some point in their lives.
Baby beavers are called kittens.
You have no sense of smell when you're sleeping!
Ants donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t sleep.
An albatross can sleep while it flies!
The earth is .02 degrees hotter during a full moon.
Animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by a lightning strike!
Dragonflies can travel up to 60 mph.
Until President Kennedy was killed, it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t a federal crime to assassinate the President.
Apples are actually part of the rose family.
The average human body contains .1 mg of uranium, .2 mg of gold, and 7 mg of arsenic!
Hummingbirds can't walk.
Crocodiles swallow stones to help them dive deeper.
Bluebirds cannot see the color blue.
Dolphins nap with one eye open.
If it isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t moving a frog canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see it. If the frog canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see it, he wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t eat it.
How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
Only male fireflies can fly.
Given the opportunity, deer will chew gum and marijuana.
To take an oath, ancient Romans put a hand on their testicles?thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s where the word Ã¢â‚¬Å“testimonyÃ¢â‚¬Â comes from.
Bananas contain a natural chemical which can make a person happy. This same chemical is also found in Prozac.
A moth has no stomach.
Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar were both epileptic.
All babies are color blind when they are born.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge, a quarter has 119. ( I totally counted and it was true)
In 1998, Sony accidently sold 700,000 camcorders that had the technology to see through people's clothes.
Fine-grained volcanic ash can be found as an ingredient in some toothpastes.
The only king without a moustache in a deck of cards is the king of hearts.
In 1897, Bayer, who is the maker of Aspirin, marketed the drug heroin.
Nazi leader Adolf Hitler had only one testicle.
At 120 miles per hour, a Formula One car generates so much downforce that it can drive upside down on the roof of a tunnel.
Girls have more tastebuds than boys.
6 years ago
So I was pretty much cooped up at home all weekend, my sister was at her friends most of the time so I was pretty much alone, and I had my parents Credit Card. It was pretty M'kay.
First of all I pretty much made the retarded decision to not sleep all weekend because I'm awesome like that, but seriously I was having one of those all-alone-arguing-with-myself-in-the-dark-moments that I have on a pretty regular basis and I was like "well it's obvious that I need to paint the ceiling, look at that shitty job they(people we bought our home from) did" then I was like "Yeah but that'll definitely take up all my time" so then I was totally like "Yes, that will take for ever, if I waste all my time sleeping" and then in an explosion of self triumph I exclaimed "Of course, the answers so obvious, I can just stop sleeping". That's about the time I lost all sanity and began rolling out my ceiling in a flat egg shell white, there are about 20 something different "shades" of white and I know all of them.
Shortly After my ceiling was finished I began to feel a bit sleepy (it was around 4) so i went to my basement to Crank some tunes and recalled my stash of candy was still crammed in between the duct work towards the back of my basement. "Excelsior!!!" I exclaimed (not really but shouting " holy chocolate covered nipples" doesn't sound as cool) and practically broke my neck getting them down. so I decided that now was as good a time as any to try out the idea I had been playing with for the last week or so, which was to put trix yogurt/pudding stuff into a twinkie. Having a clean syringe was extremely helpful,don't worry I'm not all hopped up on dope my mom works at doctory place,because the trix stuff wouldn't have fit in the twinkie with the twinkie filling already occupying the space. With precision that would have rivaled a neurosurgeon I extracted the filling and inserted the new stuff. It was a success! I was so fuckin' Stoked on that pie! I mean it was like a waffle sandwich full of rainbows. It was fucking sweet!!!
*Part 2 coming at later date*
6 years ago
I don't want to seem like one of those people who just rain on everyone's parade or just doesn't like anything that's popular but just listen okay. So I was watching TV and shit but I had to turn it off because like every fucking commercial and TV show and music video just kept annoying me with it's shitty-ness. Like seriously pretty much everything on the Disney Channel is fuckin' gayer than Anal rape so that's like a super waste of TV. Then I tried to watch one of the like music channels or what ever and that just made me want to beat a puppy to death with a baby because it's all gay ass Taylor Swift and Jonas Brothers and rap (which isn't that bad if it's like Public Enemy, Run DMC, or NWA). For serious I would rather watch Infomercials and soap operas till my eyes bleed and I lose my mind because A) The ShamWow commercials aren't that bad because they make me laugh and B) all the fuckin' bullshit on TV that isn't cartoons or like on G4, Comedy Central, or [Adult Swim] is like enough to make me projectile vomit onto a priest and speak backwards er something. So in conclusion Most TV sucks ass and Ninjas kick Pirate ass.
7 years ago
So I watched this movie, Wrist Cutters: A love story, And it totally killed any thoughts I had of suicide. Even though you know I'd never really thought killing myself would be a good idea, but whenever I got Kinda depressed or pissed off er something i'd be all like "You know what I'll do, I'll just fucking drink a gallon of god damned drain-o or bleach, that would be way easier than having to deal with all the shit I'm gonna have to take for this" but now I've just got to take shitty life shit in strides because there is no way in fucking hell that I'm gonna commit suicide dude and If my life was shitty enough to commit suicide I'd totally want to do it with a guitar but I recently discovered that that ain't even fucking possible so It's back to plan B, which is having some one punch me in the face with a boxing glove full of dynamite on my 40th birthday because if i turned 40 I'd be fuckin' old and the only way I want to be old is if I'm fuckin rich and get laid every night dude, so yeah
7 years ago
Hahaha today was pretty killer, the actual learning part of skewl wasn't as soul crushing as it could have been.
After the populace cleared from the halls and it wasn't a mob of unruly teens, in more of a rush than shoppers on black Friday though they don't have anywhere important to be, I chilled with the sassiest panda of all, Christian. He and I basically walked around looking for a teacher to give a paper to, we never found him, we did on the other hand run into the n00bs who than led me to a more, in my opinion, "comically advanced" group of Shenanigan Ninja's who then chose myself to partake in a Mini quest in which we acquired "Spike" energy drinks and got musical on the ride there and the ride to the n00bs' place of residence.
After we all conveyed farewells, I came home, did most of my home work within an hour, climbed into my attic, retrieved my collection of LegosÃ‚Â®, which I remembered to be much greater in size and stature, wrote my name on parts of my attic, built an accurate reenactment of most of Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes back, then after my family left I downloaded "Liberate Bananas" , blasted it on a stereo while I ran around in my under wear with a fake french mustache i glued on my face, after that I went to run up stairs fell down when I was two steps from the top, decided I needed a job, fell asleep and apparently sang most of the song "Sweet Home Alabama" in my sleep, something I had recounted to me by parents and sister when I woke up to eat the rest of the Pudding Pie I made. Today Was an epic day for household Shenanigans. And on a more somber side note the modicum of "Hot Girl ass" I saw today was as I realized the most "skin" I've seen in over 2 months, but that little sadness numbed as I decided to forget the past and focus only on the future fun, sexy time related or otherwise, that I'd be having.
7 years ago
Like why the hell do teachers assign so much gay homework? You know they can't possibly think I'll do it all by the next fucking day. And I know what you're thinking, "But Dennis if you didn't spend so much time sleeping or wasting time on the Internet you could probably finish all your homework with time to spare", and I would say "You shut your dirty face, that's the kind of thinking that got us into this mess, now get back in the car, this is bat country you fool".
And after that you wouldn't know what to say and I'd be all like mission accomplished! and I'd have a banner and everything just like W. did like forevers ago.
I like to rock out. I play the bass and occasionally the drums. I was in the school band all through middle school, I played percussion, it was okay but I think playing bass fits me better. In my spare time I usually hang out with friends, play video games, or Jam on my
Ass Kickin' Bass.
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