So I went to an Neuro-ophthalmologist yesterday.
What's that Julie?
A person who does brain stuff and eye stuff...?
わかりません 笑 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Basically I've been having problems with my vision for some time.
I see static in my vision, and flashing lights, and sensitivity to lights, a whole boat load of stuff.
Had this for about 10 years.
Every time I've gone to the doctors or eye doctors they say, "nah boo nothing wrong." (**actual words may vary)
So I went to this Neuro-dude to be like, "please help me, I see things, but I'm not crazy."
After several tests, dilated eyes, and waiting in a waiting room on and off for 4 hours… I have persistent positive visual phenomena in migraine … or visual snow.
So what’s the treatment, Julie? There isn’t any.
No meds you can take? Nope.
No therapy? Nope.
What caused it? No one knows.
How long does it last? No one knows.
Will you have this forever? No one knows.
Can it be cured? Nope.
I have a condition so rare that no one even knows any-fucking-thing about it. Isn’t that wonderful? Literally, the doctor was like “you have this thing, it can’t be cured, there’s no treatment............ any questions?”
I’m like, “nah dude you pretty much eliminated all possibility of questions.”
The good news is I am not dying and I will not go blind.
The bad news is I may have this forever and there’s nothing I can do about it.
So this is what I see:
...As a photographer this sucks. But says something about composition skills I guess?
It took me so long to see someone, because every time I did mention about this, I was basically told I'm making shit up. That's really hard to deal with for 10 years of doctors saying "no you're lying." My eyes are completely fine, my brain is completely fine, my mental state is completely fine... it's just a rare, and random, neurological phenomenon... allegedly.
While it is nice to have an official diagnosis (even though google told me this 3 years ago) it's still a completely defeated feeling I have. Like wow, I can't do anything about this.... that sucks.
I guess all this time I had this hope that if I ate right, took care of my body, got enough sleep, did whatever I could to just have a normal life, that somehow, somehow, this would go away...
So I am bummed. As I can only put it in Japanese しょうがない (can't be helped) ...I want to be able to see my fiance's face clear as day. Or my future children. Or the beautiful landscapes I take pictures of.... it's kinda hard to process this sort of thing right now.