--- Final Fantasy VII
Jack_Bauer: Seto got petrified because he smoked a shitload of weed and the mofo's still stoned, man.
Myshu: helllll yeah
Jack_Bauer: Give him like another decade, he'll come down
Jack_Bauer: Serious munchies though
Jack_Bauer: He'll eat Cloud's big emo character derailed face
--- Blue Screen of Dick
Myshu: ahaha FUCK I bluescreen'd, that was unpleasant
Mozz: i'll bet.
Myshu: Microsoft error report is as useful as ever, I must say
Mozz: "DON'T SEND"
Mozz: "SPOILER: THIS IS A FALSE CHOICE"
Myshu: "You received this message because a hardware device, its driver, or related software has caused a blue screen error. This type of error means the computer has shut down abruptly to protect itself from potential data corruption or loss. In this case, we were unable to detect the specific device or driver that caused the problem."
Myshu: This is basically Microsoft telling me, "Your computer ate a dick. We're not sure WHICH one--there's a lot of dicks out there."
Mozz: "It might have eaten several. In a row."
Mozz: "We don't know."
Myshu: Great, and a bulleted list of suggestions too
Myshu: * It could have eaten shit instead. Close any running assholes and restart the application.
--- no shirt, no skateboard, no problem
professor: So I had a student cut my class to play basketball downstairs in the gym today
professor: and as I'm coming out of class, the kid's friend just whores him the hell out
professor: "You got a STUDENT in there!" he says
professor: "A student CUTTIN' YOUR CLASS!"
professor: I just shake my head
professor: and say
professor: "Man, snitches get stitches."
Mozz: it's your duty as an educator to tell him this.
professor: lmao I love that kid that skipped the class though
professor: I probably shouldn't but he's just so friendly and belligerent about skipping it
professor: Like I would've just walked past him on the way in but he's all
professor: "HEY MISTER K!!!"
professor: "Are you skipping my class?" I asked, not sounding too interested
professor: "Nah man I'm gonna go get a t-shirt" (what the fuck?)
professor: "You want a t-shirt?"
professor: "No. Later, then"
professor: He skipped my class.
professor: Don't know the status of the T-shirt
Myshu: I love this guy already
Myshu: And you did NOT really say "snitches get stitches"
professor: but I'm not upset about it
professor: I just think it's funny
professor: He makes C's and B's, he's obviously the kind of smart kid who doesn't really want to try that hard
professor: I can deal with that
professor: And yes I did say that but he didn't get a chance to respond because this idiot coach started yelling at him for having a skateboard
professor: then he started yelling at one of my other students who runs the desk in the building for letting the guy in with a skateboard
professor: "DON'T LET HIM IN WITH THAT"
professor: "He wasn't riding it"
professor: "STILL HE DON'T NEED TO BRING IN THIS TRASH"
professor: Anyway, this ass-chewing goes on for like thirty seconds, I'm just watching it
professor: At about this point the kid who cut my class comes ambling out, nods at me
professor: catches the end of the conversation, and says
professor: "I didn't do anything!"
professor: Coach: I know you didn't! DON'T LET PEOPLE BRING SKATEBOARDS IN!
professor: This was just a huge clusterfuck thinking back on it
L_Cully: Why aren't skateboards allowed in college
professor: He brought it in the gym/physical health building
professor: I teach upstairs there
Angahith: because you can't just... dump it outside
professor: Yes this was the impassioned argument the desk guy made
professor: I settled for giving him moral support by shooting him a look behind the coach's back and rolling my eyes
professor: Now I regret not making the "jerk off" gesture
professor: but that would've been tempting fate I guess
Mozz: and remember
Mozz: that coach gets a higher salary from the university than you.
Mozz: you are a wise man, and know when it is safe to make the jerkoff gesture
--- a dirty pun
themis56: "Well if it makes you feel better, I submitted a photo of a statue/monument in Gettysburg, on my other user, and they deleted the deviation, suspended me for two weeks and said that I had submitted pornography."
themis56: What is pornographic in Gettysburg
themis56: is there like some statue of Lincoln composing the address in the nude
Myshu: That would be a little awesome
SaintNick: chinstrap pubes
Hermit: Strategically placed stovepipe hat
SaintNick: that's NOT a stovepipe hat
themis56: or maybe there is a monument in tribute to the FORBIDDEN LUV of a Union and a Confederate solider on that battlefield?
themis56: can love bloom on a battlefield? ;___;
Mozz: love IS a battlefield, Themis.
DK: "Four score and seventeen strokes ago, our foreskin slid back to reveal this cockinent, prime for fellation, conceiving a baby, and dedicated to the proposition that all positions are created equal. Now we are engaged with this great civil whore, testing whether that penis, or any penis so conceived and dedicated, can long endure. We are met between the heaving bosoms of that whore. We have come and dedicated a portion of that field, as a final resting place to the millions who here gave their lives and dried into a fine crust that the penis might spew. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this."
Mozz: oh dear.
* maggiekarp clap
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- Final Fantasy VII
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Buckle up; this one's a doozy.
--- once they get going it's kinda hard to stop them ...bowchickabowow
Myshu: Oh hey CHAT, spot me here
Myshu: I need as many euphenisms for sex as y'all can think of
DK: riding the bologna pony
DK: tripping the light fantastic
DK: making the beast with two backs
DK: digging for gold
DK: pressin' mattress
DK: takin' dick drive to pussy lane
DK: hiding the salami
DK: getting to know one another
Mozz: poundit poundit poundit poundit
Alek: Wanging the Chung
DK: having a wet meat party
Mozz: Pink Plains Driftin'
* Agent|FUCK has joined
Mozz: oh, yeah, that's a good one, AT
DK: traversing the chunnel
Alek: Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing
bionicfen: VERBING THE NOUN
Alek: Harry Potter-ing your Chamber of Secrets
DK: performing the slick skin symphony
Agent|FUCK: Stabbin the Sarlacc pit
DK: crossing the spoobicon
Alek: Riding the Bomb
DK: flesh pretzel
DK: engaging in vigorous carnal discourse
Alek: And, uh, Pedro.
Alek: Yes ma'am. Pedro.
Mozz: you've seen Varsity Blues too, eh Alek
* Mozz surruptitiously hides a Kurt Vonnegut novel inside his playbook and reads that instead
* Agent|FUCK is now known as AgentTon
DK: parting the curtain
AgentTon: Parting the red sea
Alek: Around the World in 80 Seconds
Alek: Journying to the Center of the Earth
DK: taking the Big Whale to the Moon
DK: Killing Tellah
DK: Climing Mt. Ordeals
Mozz: reviving the power of the ORBS
Mozz: junctioning the GF
Alek: Impaling Aeris
L_Culleany: Summoning Odin
Mozz: Listening To My Story.
DK: Filling her Journey with Laughter
Alek: HA HA HA HA HA.
Mozz: HA HA HA HA
bionicfen: Effing the Bee
L_Culleany: Finding the Seagull
DK: Satisfying Leblanc
L_Culleany: Plundering the Phoenix Cave
DK: Feeding Cid some Fish
Mozz: Mastering the Job System
bionicfen: Being Captain Basch von Rosenburgh
Alek: Playing the Golden Saucer
DK: Exploring Burmecia
L_Culleany: Finding the Pink Tail
Mozz: we would also have accepted Fighting The Pink Puff
AgentTon: Puff puff~
Alek: Finding the Huge Materia
Mozz: Having Sexual Intercourse.
Mozz: oh, wait.
Myshu: lmao fuck you
Myshu: (ah shit that counts)
DK: Giving the Slab to Dr. Unne
DK: Waking the Elven Prince
DK: Exploring the Marsh Cave (ewwwwww)
Mozz: Giving Matoya the Crystal
Alek: Banging the Odine Bangle
Alek: Playing Bang a Banga
Myshu: Chocobang Hot & Cold
AgentTon: Banging the drum slowly.
AgentTon: Bridge Over the River Thigh.
DK: Putting Cloud in a Wheelchair
L_Culleany: TCELES B GNIHSUP
AgentTon: Riding the rocket to Erectiontown.
AgentTon: Thinking with Pornals.
Mozz: Raising Ophelia
DK: Unleashing the Id
DK: Crucifying Chu-Chu
AgentTon: Chu-Chu Pocket.
AgentTon: someone out there has to call their vagina that.
L_Culleany: Uniting the Democratic Party
DK: Earning Fifteen Silver Points
DK: Yanking Ozzie's Chain
Mozz: Eating the Power Mushroom
DK: Climbing into Kuribo's Shoe
L_Culleany: Finding Schala
Myshu: Sleeping in the Enertron
Alek: Mastering the Mastermune
AgentTon: Minding the Gap.
DK: Pouring Wine onto Toma's Grave
AgentTon: Racing Jonny.
DK: Delivering the Beef Jerky
L_Culleany: Breaking the Time Egg
DK: Tickling the Nu
Alek: Beating the Green Jogger
AgentTon: Feeding the pussies.
L_Culleany: Tiger Apricot
DK: Burning the Plant
Myshu: Riding the Epoch
Myshu: Ringing Leene's Bell
L_Culleany: Laying the Master Sword to Rest
Mozz: shooting the silver arrows
L_Culleany: Catching the Fairy
DK: Feeding the Red Yoshi
L_Culleany: Launching the Shell
AgentTon: Floating the Peach.
DK: Stomping Bowser
Alek: Eating the Shyguy
L_Culleany: Pressing the Witness
L_Culleany: Presenting the Evidence
Myshu: Phoenix Drive
Mozz: Closing The Case, Cully.
L_Culleany: Examining the Scene
AgentTon: Bomping the Bullet Bill.
DK: Cracking the Psyche-Lock
L_Culleany: Channeling the Mentor
DK: Meeting Pearly
AgentTon: Visiting the Mushroom Kingdom.
DK: Entering the Warp Zone
Mozz: Using Cerebro
Mozz: Entering the Danger Room
Alek: Playing the Magic Flute
DK: But Doctor, I fucked Pagliacci
Stellaluna: Blowing the Ocarina of Time
L_Culleany: Feeding Boco a couple of Zeio Nuts
Myshu: Using the G-Diffuser
AgentTon: Kuribo's Blew
L_Culleany: Riding the Hiryuu
AgentTon: Dry Boned.
Mozz: smashing the pumpkins
DK: Waiting for the Blue Shell
L_Culleany: Squatting Down the Pipe
DK: Entering the Toad House
L_Culleany: Refusing To Let The Future Change
DK: GORDON FREEMAN
DK: Removing the Limiter
AgentTon: Boo Diddler.
L_Culleany: Shooting the Rabid Dog
AgentTon: Shooting the Duck Hunt Dog.
DK: That'll Do, Pig
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- no-man's chat
* Cadet56 has joined
* Cadet56 has left
DK: the army makes a man brave
DK: but not THAT brave
--- how viruses think
Sancdar: alirght guys time to do more virus cleaning
Sancdar: boo for trojan dlls that link to every fucking process on my system
Sancdar: "notepad.exe needs to access the internet to download more viruses, is this okay?"
maggiekarp: "are you sure?"
maggiekarp: "n- wait a minute"
maggiekarp: "hahhaha fuck you human"
--- mystical chamberpot
Rydia: i'm so glad obama gave the winston churchill bust back to the british
Rydia: img.waffleimages.com/6108e2c659436fa3272250f48dad34f1e5b81c2f/Winston%20Churchill.jpg just look at the fucking thing
Rydia: how hideous
Rydia: apparently churchill was that ceo guy from x-men 1 when he got mutated
Sancdar: he looks like a shit genie
Sancdar: also the dude was a senator
Angahith: shit genie
Sancdar: rub the mystical chamberpot
Sancdar: and if you are lucky a shit genie will appear
Sancdar: "I GRANT YOU WISHES, THEY NUMBER TWO"
--- Stone Cold Dungeons and Dragons
Mozz: anyway yeah, what little i've read of dnd/classic d20 seems too rule and tables heavy and puts me off.
Donraj: I didn't think it was so bad before I tried WoD
Donraj: But then the only thing I had to compare it to was, uh
Donraj: 2nd edition D&D
Mozz: the WoD system is at the right level of dice rolling geekery but not getting in the way of storytelling geekery.
DK: Well, the thing with WoD is it is very easy to remember
DK: you add two numbers together, roll that many dice, count the result
DK: of course the 3:16 system is even more minimal
Rydia: is that where you call in steve austin to perform a body slam
--- Final Fantasy Dissidia
DK: Man I can't get behind 589, I'm sorry. It's not even a gay thing, it's a crossover thing. I couldn't enjoy 589 if it were Faris, Selphie, and Garnet placed in some Rube Goldbergian fuck configuration that would get off a damn Venusian.
Alek: Sephiroth only lasts a minute and a half with Ultimecia. But I mean that's with Time Kompression
Alek: So like three minutes
L_Cully: "I see you are a multilayered character," Kefka remarks as Onion Knight bleeds to death at his feet
L_Cully: "LMAO" he dances
maggiekarp: tch fran ain't furry
maggiekarp: she is like boning a playboy bunny on a bear skin rug at worst
themis56: I've been playing some FFX blitzball
themis56: and I sometimes get into it
themis56: I yell at my players
themis56: NO KEEPA YOU FATTY CATCH THAT DAMN BALL
themis56: I'm like their coach
Mozz: sadly themis, in x2 you are their coach
Mozz: and you coach a team of losers
themis56: I prefer my way
themis56: LETTY YOU STUPID STUPID BEARDO CATCH THAT THING GOD ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
themis56: I SHOULD STAB YOU IN THE EYES RIGHT NOW SO HELP ME GOD
Mozz: the coaching strategy in X1 is just like that episode of Fresh Prince
Mozz: where will joins the basketball team
Mozz: "what's our imbound play coach?"
Mozz: "...Pass it to Will."
DK: I'm sorry, every bit of humor re: jecht is forever downhill from that hilarious conversation I had about him with Black years ago
DK: Where we postulated that the final battle of FFX should've been a blitzball duel
DK: Jecht vs. your team, with moves like Jecht Shot MK. VI which involves ripping Tidus's head off and kicking it into the goal for a point
--- monster washers
Rydia: okay so i just saw this commerical
Rydia: with a monster truck going up a ramp and driving on top of two rows of washing machines
Rydia: and at the bottom it says * do not try this at home
Rydia: whose home is that
Rydia: i guess they have to be cautious
Rydia: but how are you going to get two long rows of washing machines and a monster truck
Rydia: maybe they're warning against driving a truck through a laundromat
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
--- Aladdin at the opera
maggiekarp: street rat
maggiekarp: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THAT WAS STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL DAY SERIS
maggiekarp: YOU DID THIS TO ME
Seris: i dont
maggiekarp: buy that
Seris: if only theyd look closer
Seris: would they see a poor boy
maggiekarp: no siree
Seris: NO SIR-EE
Seris: theyd find out
maggiekarp: there's so much more
* maggiekarp strangle duet
Seris: my theory is proven
Seris: the reprise is the only song that 1) everybody knows and 2) will sing along to when prompted
Mozz: never heard of it.
Seris: mozz i am going to cum in your hair
maggiekarp: it's only like three lines seris
maggiekarp: celes could memorize that shit
Seris: yeah but that bitch would hella ham that shit up
maggiekarp: "warb warb BLAR BARL bler warb BARB WARB"
maggiekarp: (everyone in ff6 speaks in warbles)
maggiekarp: (it's like mario sunshine but arousing)
Seris: she let all that opera star crap get to her head so whenever she sings now shes just a big show off and everybody rolls their eyes at her when she opens her mouth
Seris: "RiiiIIIFF Raaaffff"
Seris: "stlllleeeet raaaaaaat"
Seris: locke is all "EDGAR SABIN get over here and shove your dicks in my ear and drown this shit OUT"
Seris: they oblige, happily
maggiekarp: they like the song that was their favorite movie growing up
Seris: they high-five over locks head
--- sea turtle eggs
DK: God like
DK: it's only ironically but I love Kesha
DK: she's litereally like Lady Gaga's retarded sister who's been into some lead based paints
DK: just eating them all day
DK: just doing deranged shit that makes zero sense
maggiekarp: DK rewrite the Parent Trap to star Kesha and Lady Gaga
DK: who are the parents
maggiekarp: Madonna and Cee-Lo Green
* DK writin'
- a few minutes later -
DK: "Gaga! You GET OUTTA THAT ROOM, it's time for ya show!" Daddy Cee-Lo ranted, flailing his tiny rexarms as if he were trying to pedal an invisible bicycle that you pedaled with your hands. He was wearing his sunglasses like always cause he was high as all fuck even though it was seven am on a Sunday. As he waited for his daughter, he perambulated about the hallway, colliding with doorframes and rebounding, an erratic black meteorite.
DK: The Haus of Gaga (feat. Cee-Lo) was a Narnian warren of secret passages and eldritch chambers, throbbing with strange light, full of body glitter and sex toys shaped like they were made for pleasuring aliens. Cee-Lo had seen many things within its walls, things man was not meant to see, things like loose collections of limbs slapped together, sprayed with liquid latex, and set to dancing to barely concealed Ace of Base Samples.
DK: Thus, when the door opened, he never expected to be surprised. Gaga - Kesha - stood there, wearing lycra bicycle shorts and a pink tank top that read AQUAMAN IS MY PUSSY INSPECTOR.
DK: She wore an LA Clippers cap glued to a NY Yankees cap glued to a Harlem Globetrotters cap glued to a Red Wings cap, bills sticking out from her head in every cardinal direction like the world's most retarded Zelda monster. Fifteen of those metal slap bracelets that were a big deal at school for like three weeks when you were in sixth grade glimmered on each of her arms and she had curled a neon green pool noodle about her midriff.
DK: The crotch of the bicycle shorts had been cut out, but three novelty pushpins of Mount Rushmore driven into the pool noodle held a dishtowel emblazoned with Spongebob Squarepants as a veil over her mons, a crotch hijab both merciful and utterly moronic.
DK: On one leg, she wore an imitation Wolverine boot (blue and black classic X-Men version), on the other a pair of neon green fishnets that a bag lady at Grand Central station had used as a desperate and utterly ineffective maxi pad, Rorschach-blotted with uterine effluvia.
DK: Crackerjack-box rings and coke can pull tabs glimmered on every finger. A nose stud revealed Dizzy, the mascot of the Atlanta Olympics. A combination of school paste and roadie semen cemented painted cheerios on her face in patterns that recalled the angry, inchoate, and incoherent handwriting of a calligraphist-cum-stroke victm.
DK: Pink Hello Kitty hipster glasses. A scarf made out of a Bugles bag. Blue lip gloss. And body glitter, so much body glitter. It hung in the air, a mobile cloud of funk. It stung Daddy Cee-Lo's eyes, even behind their protective glasses.
DK: "How do oi look, Daddyums?" Kesha said, desperately trying to fake a Mother Monster accent but not quite freeing herself of her nasal twang.
DK: "Fuck you."
DK: ---THE END---
* Myshu spittake
Myshu: How is that poor child able to walk
Myshu: She just has to waddle around, glitter and scraps of cloth falling in her wake like Okami flowers
DK: Well in this version of the Parent Trap she's just well, as she is
DK: it's just totally inexplicable but there it is
DK: why were she and Gaga, as grown women, even at Summer Camp
DK: Meanwhile Gaga is choking down one of Madonna's dinners which is just an ashtray full of cigarette butts and those big, cheap, puffy, virulently orange Cheeze Doodles
DK: "This is your favorite, Kesha, I don't understand!"
DK: "I guess at least you'll have enough room for dessert!" It's store-bought banana pudding served in a glitter-filled woman's pump.
DK: Gaga eats it. The glitter is cutting her gums.
DK: Cutting deep.
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
I think I might have found my single favorite video on all of youtube.
But anyway, back to the chat.
Donraj: I always have trouble keeping the Chinese words for 'left' and 'right' straight
Alek: Oh, Chinese.
Donraj: And the only meme I can ever think of to make them stick in my head is the fact that the one for 'right' looks/sounds like the character for 'oil'
Donraj: So I try to remember to just think of the Republicans whenever it comes up
themis56: huh, this one NJ guy named his kids after Nazis
themis56: FATHER OF THE YEAR
themis56: oh lawds: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell,
themis56: Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell
themis56: You can name a girl Aryan Nation now?
DK: "What's the A.N. stand for?"
DK: "Nothing, it's like the S. in Truman"
maggiekarp: more or less stupid than Sephiroth
DK: Less. I mean it's arguably more loathesome, but it does display devotion to a philosophy that actually exists, though it is terrible
DK: Naming a child Sephiroth displays a devotion to Final Fantasy VII
maggiekarp: good answer
themis56: I await the kid named Don Corneo
DK: Also listen I'm just gonna come out and say this
DK: Batman should be fucking ashamed that the Joker can hold his own with him in a physical fight most of the time
DK: I mean Batman like trained with evry martial arts master ever
DK: Joker's a crazy guy
DK: The two shouldn't match up
Alek: Well it's Crazy vs. Karate
Mozz: i don't know karate
Mozz: but i know ka-RAZY
AgentTon: Joker's got that wirey psycho energy.
bionicfen: the joker does not feel pain, man
bionicfen: or rather he likes it
bionicfen: also it's kind of like you know how there was that one kid
bionicfen: back in junior high
bionicfen: who like went out of his way to get beaten up
bionicfen: and then he'd make creepy moaning sounds while it happened
bionicfen: and then eventually nobody wanted to smack him around anymore because it was just kind of gross
bionicfen: well it's like that
AgentTon: That was you.
Dogu: The Wall is on VH1... and I'm out of drugs...
Mozz: you'll just have to try and enjoy The Wall.... SOBER
* Mozz dun dun dun
Dogu: CANNOT BE DONE!
* Mozz ominous minor chord
--- pawne shoppe
Myshu: So today at work I watched an act of female ejaculation on a customer's computer
Mozz: why NOT
Mozz: oh wait um
maggiekarp: it was just pee shu
maggiekarp: don't get your hopes up, there is nothing good for us
DK: It's sadly a hotly debated topic
DK: apparently it's a pee like fluid
DK: or something I don't even know
Angahith: Supposedly it contains only traces of pee, because it is expelled through the urethra
Sancdar: it's a pawn shop
Sancdar: was he pawning the porn?
Sancdar: was he pawning the computer and wanted to demonstrate the video capabilities?
Sancdar: was he pawning her fluids and needed to show the origin?
Sancdar: also i guess if i pawned my computer i would encrypt all my porn
Sancdar: but also i wouldn't pawn my computer
Myshu: Well the customer wasn't there, it was a pulled item and we were "cleaning" it
Myshu: When the owner finished gaping at what we found he asked WHY we were watching that, and I responded, "Well we have to FIND the porn before we can delete it, right?"
Myshu: The video in question is pretty hilarious
Sancdar: describe in vivid detail
* Sancdar takes notes
Myshu: It's a white girl jilling off on a bed while a big black guy crouches at the foot and observes closely, wearing safety goggles
Myshu: We're wondering why the hell he's dressed like so for about thirty seconds before the GYSER kinda answers it
Sancdar: i think i know who the star is
* Sancdar cough cough
* Myshu raised eyebrow
Sancdar: well there's only one porn star who could produce enough force to require safety goggles
Sancdar: just saying
Sancdar: i mean there might be more
Sancdar: but i hope not
Sancdar: someday she will have sex and accidentally puncture the dude's abdomen with her ejaculate
Sancdar: A CRIME OF PASSION
Myshu: Well whoever she was, for the next half hour I couldn't quit chirping "skeet skeet" in front of customers
maggiekarp: why does that sound cute
Myshu: See? It does
Myshu: Actually my first comment on the whole thing was, "I thought that was a myth..."
Myshu: manager: "I... guess not? Oh look, his goggles have little windshield wipers! That's so funny"
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
A few of you might recall this establishment being mentioned on podcast #123. It's in Beaumont, TX--and hell, I work in that town--so I'd meant to go check it out for a while.
Since I worked an early shift today, I finally got a good chance this afternoon. As soon as I got off work, I brought my camera and an appetite for BBQ.
Hah, it even has a rooster on top. How ironic.
Weird, it doesn't look open...
Hey, what's that on the door?
tl;dr I'm at home eating a microwave hot dog.
6 years agoMyshu chupariffic
Hmm, I'd like to make one of those intarweb videos, but I've never done such a thing in my life. For starters, can anyone recommend a good way to capture audio from a DVD?
--- hb google
Myshu: Huh, google turned 13
Myshu: If it were Jewish it'd be considered a man
Mozz: technically before being a man Google would have to study for and pass its Browsermitzvah
Mozz: which it would have an unfair advantage in doing what with the built in translator
--- no power 1
themis56: oh HELL
themis56: POWER OUTAGE
themis56: running on battery
themis56: Jeezus does this chat have a voodoo curse on it or what
themis56: YOU BRING ME NOTHING BUT SORROW
themis56: oh wait back on now
themis56: OH, I know what happened
themis56: for some reason the power switch in my parents' room affects the light in this room as well; so when they turn off their overhead light then mine does too
Mozz: how odd and inconvenient
themis56: so for a few seconds I was plunged into darkness
themis56: but then I noticed my clock was still running
themis56: It's some weird circuitry thing that is new to me
themis56: it started to happen when they got new lights for their room
themis56: and I guess they thought it would be worth a giggle to be able to control MY OWN LIGHTING as well >:[
Mozz: as long as you're under MY HOUSE
Mozz: you'll live under MY lighting
--- no power 2
* Sancdar_ has joined
* Sancdar has quit IRC (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
Sancdar_: my roommate's method of figuring what is plugged in where is to unplug things and check what no longer works
Sancdar_: (the answer is the internet)
--- hot pockets are that good, damnit
Dogu: So, going back to the boob thing... I have an AWESOME "show me your boob story" that ends in me being totally humiliated.
Sancdar: Dogu, were you talking to someone with an extensive collection of birds?
Sancdar: or a very fat man?
Jerm: Or both
Dogu: it actually involves an actual girl. And actual boobs.
Dogu: It was quite a few years ago. I was about nineteen.
Dogu: And hanging out at the local mall.
Dogu: This one chick comes up and starts talking to one of the friends I was hanging out with.
Dogu: I can't remember how it came up in conversation, but she ended up saying "I don't care, I'd flash my boobs to anyone for $2."
Dogu: Guess who had $2.
Sancdar: it was her
Schala: I'd ask for $50 grand
Sancdar: schala: that's why nobody will ever pay to see your tits
Schala: I have my reasons for wanting $50 grand
Sancdar: i have good reasons for wanting $50 grand too
Sancdar: but unless your tits can cure aids visually or something
Sancdar: can they?
DK: Are you saying you have AIDs?
Sancdar: i'm saying it wouldn't be worth it unless there were benefits of that magnitude, you worm
Dogu: So I pull the said amount out of my wallet and said "Well, how about it, then?"
Dogu: She grabs my arm and PULLS me through the mall to the elevator going up to the second floor.
Dogu: We get inside, push "2" and as soon as the door closes, her shirt is off, and she's standing there in her bra. The elevator hits the top floor. And WON't SHUT AGAIN!
Dogu: it keeps closing 3/4 of the way, and opening again.
Myshu: Elevator boobs, how transient
maggiekarp: God tittyblocked you, Dog
maggiekarp: it is a sign
Sancdar: t dogu, does the story end with you going down
Dogu: this goes on for about 45 seconds, with her huddled in the corner so no one sees her, and me trying to figure out how to close the door.
Dogu: Finally, as it's closing, I use both hands, and force the doors to close.
Dogu: As I turn away, I see a topless girl THROWING herself at me.
Dogu: And for about the next three seconds, she's making out with me.
Myshu: $2 ho
Dogu: I then have to help her redress before the door opens up again.
Sancdar: back in the dorms i got to see tits for a hot pocket
Mozz: why, those are only 1.29 each!
Mozz: Sanc gettin a BARGAIN
Myshu: fuck yeah I'd show my tits for a hot pocket
Dogu: That being done, the door opens, and we go off to our respective friends.
Dogu: Mine asks me what happened.
Dogu: So I tell him and he says "Dude, you know how old she is?"
Dogu: she was thirteen
maggiekarp: knew that was coming
Sancdar: way to be a closet elevator pedo
DK: this is now
DK: the worst
Sancdar: she wasn't even legal in japan
Mozz: unless dogu had a tentacle handy, sanc
Dogu: Didn't look a day under eighteen. I felt like such a dirty fucking pervert, I wanted to die.
DK: lmao that's on your friend for not throwing himself in front of you
DK: Essentially it was his duty to cockblock you at that point
DK: But he didn't step up
Dogu: I KNOW!
Dogu: A "Hey, dude, JAILBAIT ALLERT!" would have been FUCKING FANTASTIC.
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
7 years agoMyshu chupariffic
So, my sister likes to watch Survivor. While watching it with her last night I couldn't help notice that the tribe colors this season are red and blue, so when the red tribe won a challenge I sat up and shouted, "Suck it Blue!!"
Fortunately she got the joke, so I wasn't a flailing idiot there.
Sancdar: IN SOVIET RUSSIA
Sancdar: APPLES BOB FOR YOUUUU
Sancdar: AND GET MONO
Mozz: whereas in MODERN CAPITALIST RUSSIA
Mozz: RUSSIAN MAFIA BOB FOR YOU
Mozz: (and then drop you out of window in "an unfortunate accident")
--- tough shit
maggiekarp: you ever shit so hard you passed out
maggiekarp: you ever shit so hard you see God and he's just clapping slowly
Seris: i wonder if its possible to take a really good shit and orgasm from it
Seris: because it grinds up against the prostate just right
DK: I had a friend in college who got drunk and swore to me that that had happened to him
DK: "It was pretty scary"
DK: yeah bro it was even scarier THE SECOND TIME
Seris: i have a hard time believing its possible because shit is so malluable
Seris: i mean even the hardest shit has some give to it
Myshu: I dunno, there are some tough shits, like rocks
Seris: maybe its possible to induce orgasm from shitting if you like, prairie dog your shit
maggiekarp: I think if you're worked up before hand the bit of friction could cause an orgasm
Seris: man thatd be weird
Seris: its like "oohh dear im going to cum but aaauugghh gotta take a dump"
Seris: then all you hear out of the bathroom is the sound of a fucking boulder tumbling down a fleight of stairs and splashing into a rivine
Seris: and then this monsterous moan of a beast waking from its sleep
Myshu: Gads, the imagery
maggiekarp: I was thinking more jerking off on the toilet maybe
maggiekarp: experiments continue in science I'm sure
Myshu: For science! ...Ugh.
Myshu: Never has that saying felt so dirty
--- Punch Out
Seris: meanwhile yall should be playing a -real- mans game
Seris: like punchout for the wii
Seris: ps bald bull is still an enormous asshole
DK: (TIGER UPPERCUT)
Seris: aauughgh fuck great tiger
Seris: it took me like 3 tries to win against that magician fuck
DK: He's easy as shit once you realize how to block his punches
Seris: meanwhile i was ko'ing every motherfucker flawlessly before than but then him and his big jewel encrusted toilet hat come barging in and screaming in arabic and little mac is just tryin to catch a break
DK: he basically just rolls over for you
DK: his vaunted special attack is just him going
DK: PLEASE EPHENDI, FUUUUCK MY ASS
DK: ASSAULT MY ASS, RAVAGE IT
DK: and you do
--- Charlotte's Web
DK: so was wilbur reuinted with Charlotte in heaven
AgentTon: She abandoned poor Wilbur when her THROBBING HORMONAL URGES kicked in
Alek: Charlotte's Web 2
Sancdar: pig in the city
Alek: Because there were so many unanswered questions from the first movie
Seris: it could be about the spiders that blew away
Seris: ...to the city
AgentTon: "After the farm was sold to pay off Zuckerman's debts, Joy flew to the city, where she weaved her webs in the door of a local Vietnamese brothel."
DK: Every day Tranh would cry. No one visited her. No one visited her despite her big hips and bountiful bosom. No one visited her because a man in her country had cut her face with a sharp knife. It left a white scar in the shape of a question-mark, puckered and terrible. And no man who wanted to enjoy himself could look upon it and stay happy. And so Tranh was alone.
DK: Until that fateful day when the web appeared in her window
Alek: CHIN UP
Alek: CHIN UP
AgentTon: EVERYBODY LIKES A SMILING WHORE~
Alek: "Rhut you doin heah"
AgentTon: Charlotte's Crabs.
Alek: At the end, all the crabs spout silk threads and catch the wind, sailing off into the city:
Alek: "GOODBYEEEE! GOODBYEEEE!"
Alek: Tranh bolts to the window, shocked.
Alek: "RAIT! WEAH YOU GOIN"
AgentTon: Trahna all NO!!! YOU STAY HEAH!! DON'T LEAVE!!
Alek: You realize this could have been a Disney cartoon from the 40's
DK: It does have a Song of the South vibe about it
Alek: Like the Japanese in Disney's cute little WWII propoganda films
AgentTon: Or the WB ones, for that matter.
AgentTon: Trahn is uniquely beautiful
AgentTon: All her comrades are terrible buck-toothed caricatures
AgentTon: Wacky and hilarious
AgentTon: Also they get a song and dance number, "Whistle While You Jerk".
AgentTon: Will Templeton find love with the beautiful female rat that lives in the brothel's outhouse? The two sing a beautiful duet in the tender and touching "Scabies Song".
No questions have been answered yet