8 years ago
In the town I live in, we have a dance club known as 70 Below, which my girlfriend happens to be quite fond of. I was never into the whole club scene, but I gave it a try for her sake. Astonishingly enough, I'm actually getting into it a bit, and feel no reluctence when she brings up plans to go there.
I was there with her last night, and while being extremely drunk, I actually headbanged to Y.M.C.A. on the dance floor. I believe this elevated me to an entirely new level of Huzzahness.
8 years ago
by Christopher Green
Standing in a semi-conscious state, I exist amidst fourteen other people inside the primary elevator of the building which my company resides. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gazing in a rather blank fashion at a sign to my left which features a map of the building. YOU ARE HERE is printed in large blue letters, with an arrow pointing directly at the elevator IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m in.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Carter?Ã¢â‚¬Â a surprised female voice saysÃ¢â‚¬'a voice which, unfortunately, I believe I may recognize.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh my god, it is you!Ã¢â‚¬Â the familiar voice says enthusiastically. I look to my right and notice who appears to be a significantly more-attractive version of Melinda, my first fiancÃƒÂ©, shoving her way through everyone to get to me.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hello, Melinda,Ã¢â‚¬Â I say flatly to her.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, wow, um, Carter!Ã¢â‚¬Â She says, clearly not knowing what to say to me next. I find myself wondering why she bothered saying anything to me at all. Finally she manages to pull Ã¢â‚¬Å“I never thought IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d see you here,Ã¢â‚¬Â from the list of stock-banter in her brain.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why is that?Ã¢â‚¬Â I say with complete honesty, as I wonder why she wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t expect to see me in the building of my own company. She awkwardly replies Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, I mean, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just, you know...Ã¢â‚¬Â But I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“You had that whole thing,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says with what I swear is a hint of satisfaction. I know exactly what sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s referring to, and I believe sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s about to bring it up simply to smite me. Ã¢â‚¬Å“That whole One Flew Over the CuckooÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Nest thing.Ã¢â‚¬Â I always used to wonder if even she understood the things she spat out of her mouth on a daily basisÃ¢â‚¬'except semen, which she must at least understand by now.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Have you ever seen that film?Ã¢â‚¬Â I ask her, though IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m fairly certain the answer will be a proud NO.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you kidding? That movie came out before I was even born,Ã¢â‚¬Â she says in the exact manner I suspected she would. As she is about to say something else, I look up to see that weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re around the 26th floor. Sadly, my company is on the 93rd floor.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“So um, you work here, then?Ã¢â‚¬Â SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s moving onto work, which means she must realize that we have absolutely nothing else to converse about.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I own, well, co-own C&P on 93.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬Å“You own C&P? Oh my god, like, how can I not have seen you around here before?Ã¢â‚¬Â She says. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m becoming somewhat curious as to what she means by that. God help me, something Melinda said -- that didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t involve her college soccer teamÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s fascinating locker-room activities -- actually intrigued me. Ã¢â‚¬Å“ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a large building,Ã¢â‚¬Â I say callously.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m GeraldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s assistant!Ã¢â‚¬Â she says enthusiastically. The Gerald she speaks of, I fear to be Gerald Preston, my business partner, whom never informed me of her employment. Still, I act oblivious. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Gerald who?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Preston,Ã¢â‚¬Â is indeed who sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s referring to. In my exhaustion, I bluntly ask her Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you fucking him?Ã¢â‚¬Â and to my surprise, she answers Ã¢â‚¬Å“YesÃ¢â‚¬Â in an equally blunt tone. She even added a smirk along with itÃ¢â‚¬'touchÃƒÂ©.
I decide the best course of action to take is to simply end our conversation without a word.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I need a coffee,Ã¢â‚¬Â I say aloud to no one, but unfortunately she seems to believe I was speaking to her.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Coffee is out, Red Bull is in.Ã¢â‚¬Â For some reason, this leads me to believe she recently watched The Breakfast Club. I ignore her, and as we approach the 65th floor, my eyes wander back to the sign on my left which now reads YOU ARE NOT HERE in large red letters.
8 years ago
So, the chick who asked me if I was gay and then mentioned that I am apparently effeminite has reappeared-- not that this is muchf a surprise though, since she rents almost daily. Earlier this week she came in and appologised completely out of the blue for it; she then came back in later that night dressed in a rather sexy fashion with her cleavage hanging out for all to see. On that visit, she comes up to me and asks me for some recomendations on films to watch. I threw out some titles I've liked recently, but she wanted me to walk around the store with her while she picked them out (I didn't have time to do this). Last night she comes in and makes an announcement to me immediately that she "finally dumped that loser boyfriend" of hers, and proceeded to ask me how old I was and subsequently told me her age.
8 years ago
So, I'm at work yesterday, and this regular chick comes in. She's kind of an abnoxious, white-trash idiot, but she's decent looking. Anyway, she comes up to me after looking around the store for a few minutes, and the conversation went exactly as follows:
Trashy Chick: "Chris, can I ask you a personal question?"
Me: "Uh yeah, sure. But if it's a personal matter, I can't garauntee an answer."
Trashy Chick (whispering): "Are you gay?"
Me (confused): "Uh, no -- why?"
Trashy Chick: "Really? Um, okay -- forget I asked."
Me: "Why would you ask me something like that?"
Trashy Chick: "Oh, no reason."
Me: "No, no; you don't just ask someone something like that entirely at random. What made you think that about me?"
Trashy Chick: "Just forget it, I didn't mean to offend you."
Me: "I'm not really offended, just surprised; I've never been asked that before."
Trashy Chick: "...Well you're just kind of effeminite."
Me: "Uhhh... I am?"
Trashy Chick: "Sorry."
I then put her transaction through, and she left. Seriously, what the hell? I'm not even close to being effminite; if anything, I'd say I was simply more of an "artsy" type of person. Still, what was going through my mind after she said that was "Okay, so because I don't love sports and cars, belch and fart at any given time or talk about pussy constantly, this makes me effeminite?" I told a manager from another store (who used to work at our store) about it when she dropped by that day, and she said "Oh yeah, you don't hit on her, and because she's God's gift to men, that must mean you're gay."
8 years ago
So now that every film that will be released (theatrically or on DVD) this year has been released, it's time for the obligatory "top 10" of the year.
10: Bon Cop, Bad Cop
A "Canadian Lethal Weapon" sounds a bit out of place in this age's market, since the "buddy-cop-action-comedies" died out in popularity many years ago. However, this film is more of an homage to them while maintaining a more serious narrative. Still, it's an accoplishment for Canadian film and film in general, as it has all the bells and whistles of a summer blockbuster (minus the A-list cast) on a tiny budget.
This small-budget comedy from Woody Allen is a cute little film that is best defined by it's characters and the quirky situations they find themselves in. Nothing is particularly groundbreaking about this film, but what it does, it does well.
8: V for Vendetta
While the film was not without it's flaws (far too Matrix-esque for a story that does not call for it), this was one of the best action films of the year; mostly due to a strong script and strong performances from the cast. Come on, Hugo Weaving was born for the role of V.
7: Friends With Money
Any piece of entertainment that has "Friends" in the title and "Jennifer Anniston" in the cast is likely to be compared to, or mistaken for, the television show Friends. Rejoice that this film has nothing to do with the aformentioned. Featuring great performances and great dialogue filled a decent amount of wit; this quickly became a favourite of mine.
6: Clerks II
Many feared this film would be little more than "I'm not even supposed to be here... again," the sequel to the cult-classic Clerks thankfully is a film in it's own right. More of a film, in fact, than it's predecessor, with a more-balance rhythm and a more focused plot. This film has all the hilarious monologues of the first film, combined with the heart of Chasing Amy. It's a winner.
5: Superman Returns
The Man of Steel makes a triumphant return to the big screen. The film is a great homage to the first two Superman films, with also standing on it's own two feet. Perhaps the thing this film does best is focus on character development, which it does exceptionally.
4: Thank You For Smoking
Possibly the best adaptation of a novel ever to grace the screen, this film is loaded with wit. And fortunately, never takes a definitive stance on the tobacco debate.
3: The Matador
Pierce Brosnan gleefully sheds his Bond skin for this witty, quirky take of the typical "buddy movie" genre. Brosnan's performance, his character's dialogue and antics are simply incredible examples of comedy.
This indi-film blends teen drama and film noir with surprisingly incredible results. Off-the-wall characters, sohpisticated dialogue and excellent shooting make this among this year's best.
1: Inside Man
Spike Lee's homage to the classic heist and gumshoe flicks of old is a cinematic powerhouse of intrigue. With a fairly straight-forward plot that quickly becomes facinating and complex, plus some fantastic characters, this film is easily the best the year had to offer.
8 years ago
I found a fairly inexpensive HD TV that I'll be picking up soon, so I I'm faced with two options:
1: Xbox 360 & HD-DVD drive, which includes; 20 gb hard drive, headset, wireless controller, one month of xbox live, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter, Gun, some Xbox Live Arcade disc, HD/DVD remote control and King Kong on HD-DVD.
Total price: $699.98 CAD
2: PS3, which includes; 60 gb hard drive, blu-ray drive, wireless controller.
Total price: $659.99 CAD
I'm leaning toward the former.
8 years ago
The assignment was to write a Feature article as you would read in a newspaper.
You see it all of the time; Ã¢â‚¬Å“two thumbs up,Ã¢â‚¬Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“four stars,Ã¢â‚¬Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“one of the best films of the year,Ã¢â‚¬Â among other attention-grabbing quotes. But do these have any real impact on the commercial success of a film?
The box office records of 2006 suggest the answer is no.
Take Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead ManÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Chest and The Da Vinci code, for example. Dead ManÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Chest, a film which Scott Foundas of LA Weekly described as Ã¢â‚¬Å“infernally boring for much of its running time,Ã¢â‚¬Â made over one billion dollars at the box officeÃ¢â‚¬'making it the highest-grossing film of the year world-wide, and the third-highest grossing film of all time. Shawn Adler of IGN.com said the fourth-grossing film, The Da Vinci Code, is Ã¢â‚¬Å“a jumbled, joyless affair that neither entertains nor enlightens.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The website rottentomatoes.com Ã¢â‚¬" which collects most film reviews available online for a particular film and works them all into a percentage Ã¢â‚¬" gives Dead ManÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Chest and The Da Vinci Code 54% and 23% ratings, respectively.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Film reviews arenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t something the majority of our culture tends to listen to,Ã¢â‚¬Â said --- S-----, a Film Studies instructor at Malaspina University-College. Ã¢â‚¬Å“There tends to be a general distrust of intellectual analyses of film.Ã¢â‚¬Â
S------ believes that distrust stems from a possible misconception by average moviegoers that film critics are detached from the entertainment aspect of film, focusing merely on the level of sophistication or Ã¢â‚¬Å“importanceÃ¢â‚¬Â of a particular film.
Of the ten highest theatrical grossing films this year Ã¢â‚¬" Dead ManÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Chest, Cars, X-Men: The Last Stand, The Da Vinci Code, Superman Returns, Ice Age: The Meltdown, Over The Hedge, Talladega Nights, Click and Mission: Impossible III Ã¢â‚¬" only five of them could be considered critical successes. Those five being; Cars, Superman Returns, Over The Hedge, Talladega Nights and Missions: Impossible III Many of them, in fact can be considered critical failures, Click (panned by over two thirds of critics) and The Da Vinci Code being the most notable.
On the subject of Click, it was recently released on DVD on Oct. 10, and is already the top-renting film of the year, according to a rental report from Movie Gallery on Bowen Rd. It beat the acclaimed comedy Thank You For Smoking -- which was praised by nearly 90% of critics Ã¢â‚¬" by over 200 rentals.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think people donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t care about reviews because critics are just stuck on their own views of how movies should be made,Ã¢â‚¬Â said ----- D-----, an average moviegoer and avid Blockbuster Video customer. Ã¢â‚¬Å“ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just somebodyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s opinion, so who really cares what they think?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Many people tend to either simply ignored criticism of film or snub it,Ã¢â‚¬Â S------ said. The unusual thing about that, he said, is that film is the only industry where critics tend to suffer what is almost resentment from said industryÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s audience. He did point out, however that the opinion of critics does matter to some people, otherwise we wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see quotes from reviews on promotional posters and the DVD cover art.
S------ said that an interesting thing about the top box office performers is that much of them are either childrenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s films, or family oriented films.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“ChildrenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s buying power is very high right now,Ã¢â‚¬Â S----- said, mentioning how it is not uncommon these days for children to seek out information about particular films via the internet.
According to S-----, the big-studio film industry is essentially controlled by the accountants. Filmmaking for them isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t so much about making a quality piece of cinema, but merely to produce a film that will appeal to the masses, and market it to as many people as best as possible.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“ThereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no underrating the hype factor,Ã¢â‚¬Â S----- said. Ã¢â‚¬Å“After all, the general consensus for most people is Ã¢â‚¬Ëœif itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s visible, it must be good.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢Ã¢â‚¬Â
by Christopher Green
8 years ago
So, my first customer of the night began with a rant about how he should take PlayGuard, that way he could phone in and say the DVD was broken and thus keep it. I knew right away that this would be a beautiful night.
Over the course of 7 1/2 hours, I was subjected to 11 people bitching in varying degrees of belligerence about their late fees. One customer was one who had reserved a film, and when I phoned her home to inform her it had come in, her husband said "oh she'll be there in a bit, she's just out shopping." When she arrived, I noticed that she had over $20 in late fees. She was paying for her movies in coupons, and claimed that she had no money on her and how tight money was since she has children to feed and blah blah. Come the fuck on, already. I'm putting myself through university and paying rent and utilities on fucking minimum wage. She's not the only person with problems. I ended up reluctantly crediting her fees, which I'll probably be questioned about since it was such a high amount.
Another customer got into an angry rant because we don't have The Usual Suspects (our copy was stolen), and how shitty of a video store we are as a result. Some old woman came in demanding a refund for her movies she had rented and was angry that we'd rent out movies that are so "vulgar." Now, one of them was a film entitled Alchemy. I haven't seen it, but it didn't look all that bad in comparison to some of the other shit that's out there. I had about a half dozen people wanting to exchange rentals that were fucking free in the first place, and gave me all sorts of attitude on that subject.
On a side note, we have our "Free Rental Days" which allows people to rent one old release per day at no charge. Roughly 60 percent of customers who came in only got their free rental, which royally raped my sales stats (which my job depends on in the eyes of the company) in the ass. As a result, it was ludicrously busy tonight, yet we hardly made any money.
One customer who came in and opened an account was an employee from a store up north. When I asked her if she wanted the PlayGuard, she said no. I asked "and you're an employee?" to which she replied "well, who gives a shit about YOUR stats?" (PlayGuard is one section of our sales stats)
I often joke about how "there's always one idiot who comes in right at closing time to open an account." Well, guess what? Tonight there were four fucking idiots who came in right at closing to open accounts.
To top it all off, I saw this beautiful, sweet (she was really nice) redheaded woman tonight who was married to a fucking fat (300+ lbs.), bearded guy who was an asshole to her during their time in the store. Given that presently, I couldn't even pay a woman to sleep with me if I tried, this made me sigh.
Honestly, after everything that happend tonight, I felt like sitting on the floor and crying.
Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker, what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can--now that's all I can ask of myself. Is that good enough? Is my work doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? The African guy is a sign, right? Because if he isn't, then nothing in this world makes any sense to me; I'm fucked! Maybe I should quit, don't quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit, don't fucking quit! Just, I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker, fuck, shit!
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