I am really bad at chronology and remembering things (and my story kind of explains why) but if I have the timeline right my earliest memory is when I had my first of many experiences with high velocity head impacts.
I must have been three or four. I was running around the dining room with my head down like a pachycephalosaurus (I was a big dinosaur kid, but that means it may be my second or third memory after a family night where we watched Jurassic Park and make me a little older, but whatever). Either way I, running at top speed with my head down, went straight into a wall dome-first.
I remember crying and shouting, and I guess I slipped in and out of consciousness for a while since the next thing I know my Papa (paternal grandfather) was driving my parents and I to the nearest hospital. I saw it looming on what my kid brain interpreted as a horizon in the dark and started screaming at the top of my lungs about how I didn't want to go to the doctors because I didn't want a shot. That, above all, terrified me.
Then we were in the room that smells like cotton swabs, tongue depressors and sanitizer before that was a common word and I was sitting on the little leather bed with the paper draped over it, the same stuff they make toilet seat covers out of to keep your ass cheeks from sticking to the material in the humidity. My Mom was there and so was a woman, I guess a night doctor, in a blue dress with tiny white spots. I was still crying but no longer screaming and I believe I was muttering "no shots, no shots, no shots" until the doctor asked "are their any shots involved?"
I freaked all the way the fuck out. I mean legit, who brings up shots in front of a kid clearly already terrified of shots and begging for none to be involved in the procedure in progress? I know she was just a night doctor asking the questions that she had to ask but I think I would have preferred if she asked my Mom that out of earshot. Either way I thought she was a mean, dumb bitch and panicked. Then I don't remember anything else.
Throughout the years I've had a spotty memory, but this isn't my only childhood head injury - just the one I'm pretty sure is the first one. And unless my timeline is off and I did see Jurassic Park first then this is my earliest memory. Either way this and Jurassic Park combined led to my childhood, tentatively titled Like A Scaredy-Cat Ralph Wiggum Only A Douchebag.
I mean I got better. But Still.