34 years old
from Toronto, Canada

  • Activity

    • October!

      2 weeks ago


      It's finally autumn. Orange, yellow and red leaves! Crunchy. Cool and Crisp air. It's the best time of the year!

      I'm still around. Less around here - mostly Twitter. Moved back with my parents after leaving 3 years ago. I don't see myself leaving here anytime soon to be honest.  Still happily single and dating/searching has taken a back seat this year. 

      Currently in a rut with my job/career. Still temping and honestly its becoming such the norm. Having no extra health benefits suck... A lot. but it could be worse.  My mental health has been teetering up and down. 90% it's manageable. 10% of the time just kicks my ass back into the pit and when it does I just feel powerless. Anxiety and Depression are the worst company to have over. EVER.

      BFF now lives on the west coast and not sure when I'll see him next. Which is a first for the both of us.   Just like most of my favourite people live in the west coast.  Some of my internet family that are close by and I always give them my support to whatever projects they get themselves to.  I have been playing a lot with most of the favourite RT fam on Xbox and I have recently been gifted with a old, yet functional gaming laptop (YAY!).  Watching quite a bit of YT and Twitch because I can tolerate the short bits instead of binge watching shows or movies (which I tend to do).

      I get run down pretty easily and I hate it so much.  I remember just powering through anything with little sleep and felt invincible. But I've always had a lingering darkness that wasn't addressed and it consumed me eventually.(Geez... feels like a Destiny Lore).  Toronto, for me feels like a relationship that needs a huge reset. When its good. It's amazing and when it's terrible - I just don't want to address it. If you asked me 10 years ago that I'd be in this situation (still?). I think I would've ended my precious young adult life.  But what can you do? These are the cards I was dealt with and I can only move forward. 

    • It's quite dusty here

      10 months ago


      I've finally got the chance to figure out the whole dashboard and the new site. It really does take time to get used to where the short cuts regarding community/friend content used to be. I feel so old since this site went through a lot of reconstruction.

      Well, as one of the old dinosaurs in this site, it's been 11 years (I could've had a kid that is 11 years old! in grade 6 no less...) I've met so many people that I consider as family & met many friends throughout the years.

      I've seen my friends grow from teenagers > young adults> getting married> buying a house> having a child> divorces> moving homes> travelling> etc.
      I, for one have changed not a lot of "adult type" of stages but enough to say I'm happy to know myself inside and out.

      What is up with me? (This is a LONG LIST)

      • * Currently single. (HA! ha... ha...)
      • * Was temping for a job for 7 months and abruptly ended in September
      • * Still looking for a job (UGGGGHHHHH) & hopefully a permanent one!
      • * In terms for adulting - I am now license to drive! (I know. RIGHT?!?)
      • * My dog is still alive! (Yay Tucker!)
      • * I am now Guinea Pig-less (Lucy died in March)
      • * Finally stepped into the dating world (The horrors + heartbreak + agony!)
        * My bestie moved across the country & to the WEST COAST (Dammit. RUPERT!)
        * Had a fabulous time in Portland, OR (Thanks to Karli & Nathan)
      • * Had an amazing summer and it's probably the best one I've had in a long time (more on that later)
        * Reconnected with my old friends and new friends just by being awesome Ele
        * Majority of my RL friends are now married, have a mortage & had a kid... this year.
        * Went and avoided some baby showers. (after 2, I just couldn't hack it...)
        * Was suppose to move in with Lukie, but that didn't pan out... (I'm blaming her 100%)
        * Revisiting quite a lot of what I liked to do in my early 20's (part of why this summer has been amazing!)
        * Still retired from RT community organizing events (which I'm SOOOOO glad - consulting is the way to go!)
        * Still derpable as ever!
        * Still managing Depression & Anxiety (that's not going to change.. any time soon)
      • * Managed to be EVER BE so confused to enter & exit a NOT adult relationship (-_-)
        * Been and still on a TV Binge (Hello, Netflix + Chill + never going out ever!)
        Trying to rewire my brain that I'm neither a:
        • * Surgeon (Orthopeadic, Cardiothoracic, Pediatric, OR General) (Thanks to catching up with Grey's Anatomy + Private Practice)
        • * Detective or a homicide cop (Veronica Mars, iZombie)
        • * nor a defense Lawyer (Suits, Daredevil)
          * and sad to say a Marvel Superhero (Jessica Jones)
        • *That my life is not a Rom-Com (I'm not even going to name all the sappy rom coms I've watched this year alone)
        • * That my life can be a Sit-Com (and I'd watch it!)
      • I'm sure there is more to that.
        Overall, its been an interesting year.
        You feel like your caught up with my deets?!?
    • Onward!

      1 year ago


      I would like to share a few words.
      I love this community. Anytime whenever someone needed a hand, a shoulder or even a laugh. Our family has always been there. I'm proud to call everyone that I have met here as a family member.

      Monty was an inspiration to every person who thought they cannot be. He gave a lot of people hope and he also was a human being. He will be missed but that doesn't mean that his talent and legacy will end. It is up to us to continue to spread the creativity and the stories that he has started.

      I, for one isn't the artistic type but I am damn proud to be part of a community that will always in my heart have my back.

      Words are sometimes hard to express but reaching out and lending a hand can mean so much more.


    • 1 year ago


      So I buckled and bought myself a Pebble Watch. I gotta say I was honestly disappointed with the whole shipping situation. Canadians get theirs shipped from Singapore. US receives their packages from the US. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. smiley5.gif

      So instead of receiving my device within a few days to a couple of weeks. It took almost a month and a half since it came from Singapore. With the mail services being over loaded during the holidays, I didn't get it until the new year. I actually gave the customer service an irate message because of the lack of updates and for a while it seemed that it disappeared into the abyss.

      So I'm now wearing it and downloaded Misfit. I'm not sure how accurate it is when it comes to my steps or calories burned. So far. It's a cool watch with awesome watch faces and it tells me the weather and notifications.

      I'm still unsure how I feel about it. smiley4.gif Although it reminds me of Power Rangers calling Zordon.

    • 10 years and here we are

      1 year ago


      2004 - that year was about self discovery. Prior to that year, my brother got married, moved out and had their first kid. I was stuck in college commuting on average 3 hours round trip per day and completely unhappy somewhere in between. I was struggling with depression and I was on medication. I was working whenever I wasn't in school and barely slept more than 4 hours. I felt alone even though I had friends; yet felt they were leaving me behind and just felt out of place. My long term relationship after high school ended in a pile of mess and I just hated being alive.

      There I was a homebody and felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I've always relied to get away from real life to go to IRC, chat rooms, forums and ICQ since I was 14. No one knew what I was doing on the net but it eventually lead me crossing paths with random folks online. It eventually lead me here and I opened up my life through my avatar and my screen name. I became myself and I finally felt safe. I started to accept that I am quirky and its a good thing. I learned to accept that being myself is okay and that I should continue to embrace it. There are others like me across the globe that embraced the person behind elebellybear.

      2014 - Another long term relationship has ended. I'm in another crossroads in my life. I am still unemployed but I'm trying not to let that drag me down. Currently, I now have a dog, moved out on my own, acting/being a responsible for paying my own bills, resolving my credit score and spending quality time with my retired parents. I am no longer afraid to take care of my aging parents and in fact, I am ready. I've accepted the fact that my brother will never move back to TO but they will always make the time to visit us here and vice versa.

      My friends here in RT continued to expand yearly and I've become less active within the community. This community has changed for the better and some things never change (trolls, assholes, drama). I have left a footprint in this community and I'm proud of leaving my mark. Someone else to continue the legacy of how amazing this community has been to me and has been paying forward to others that felt lonely and felt out of place.

      tldr; 10 years - learned a lot about being me. Internet people are the best. Hooray!

    • Summer 2014

      2 years ago


      My temp job for the not for profit organization ended at the end of July. They hired another FT girl and I didn't get the job at the end. I'm okay with that because it gave me two weeks off to just enjoy summer and prepare for TOUncon.

      TOUncon was a success! I got to see most of my friends and made some new ones (like always). I was glad to host a few people to my place and everyone in the event met my puppy, Tucker (Bow Chicka Arf Arf).

      The weekend was busy as usual and some hardships in between. It went by too fast and had to say good bye to folks too soon.

      A few days later, I got a call for a temp job. Meet & greet went very well and I started the week after. My job assignment right now is one of the top jobs that I would like to obtain. I work for a researcher, OBY/GYN, professor for a well known hospital. It's a temp job but the MD that I'm working with really liked me and wanted to give me the opportunity to grow within the organization. I'm quite pleased that I made a huge impression with him and so far this assignment is a breeze.

      I have a great balance of work and life altogether and I can actually do personal tasks during work. I was shocked to learn that I can actually take my time and not be in a crazy time crunch all the time. I need a job that will let me destress when I need to and work without anyone trying to breathe down on my neck every minute.

      It's been 7 days of work and I am highly enjoying myself. The girl that trained me is leaving for the UK and honestly I wish that she didn't have to leave.

      August is now about to end and I feel like I finally got to a point that I'm organized and ready to be an adult again. Tucker is having a hard time adjusting to my work schedule as he is used to me being home all the time. I have to retrain him to be less anxious whenever I go to work. *sigh* and also have his neutering appointment. He's been acting crazy. Damn those hormones.

      Once again, ttfn.

    • Crunch Time

      2 years ago


      So I got suckered into working another Toronto community event. I have friends who are very dear to me that are in the committee and well I can't say no because I know I'm damn good on what I do. But I have to make sure that I have my stress level in check as I'm not as resilient ever since last year.

      @Cheshire_Cat has been working her butt off. She needs to move closer to me because Tucker (my puppy) needs her god mom to live closer. She earned and deserves mad props. You should all tell her that she's awesome! Because SHE IS!

      In other news, I am now living on my own with a puppy. One of my guinea pigs died in April and Lucy is the only one left. She's pretty old and sickly but she's a fighter. Work wise, I'm still on the hunt. I have a part time job that I wish it was a full time but I work for a not for profit organization. Which means they can't hire me full time with benefits until they have to look into their budget. As much as this is driving me insane, I need to stay positive. I look at it that I retired early and will get back to work for a long time whenever that time comes. I just wish the unemployment insurance would get on their ass and give me my money. That would save me the headache.

      It's been a touch and go with everything else. Nothing horrible has happen for a while. I would like to keep it that way.

    • Surprise

      2 years ago


      I was having a panic attack the other night and a friend came to the rescue. It has been a worse one in a long time. The next day I received a birthday package across from the ocean. That definitely cheered me up.

      Also sometimes asking the hard questions and talking it out is the only way to find relief.

      Sucks that I feel like crap. smiley2.gif

    • Hello, Winter

      2 years ago


      So this season, winter is kicking my ass. Hard. I've had a mild case of the flu (yes, I did get my flu shot) before Christmas holidays and didn't work for about 2 weeks because of it. Then I had a cold... and now a cough. I bundled up like a colourful ninja when the temperature hit -29 Celcius (Windchill at -39). Sidewalks were icy as hell. There was also a power outage during the holidays but I was fortunate enough that I lived in a pocket where there was power the whole time the ice storm hit Toronto.

      This was definitely another Christmas/New Year's that were spent at home in my pyjamas. I barely bought presents for others and received any of them. I'm okay with that.

      In other news, I'm on my own to seek a new adventure.

  • About Me

    Friend Code: 3282-2745-5976
    I have a morbid sense of humour. I love to laugh and make dinosaur noises. I'm pretty easy to get along with but if you are a bigot & an ass. I have no reservations to kick your ass. . I've taken off my FR as I've been getting a lot of randoms. If we've met in IRL or had a great chat by all means message me. I've been part of this community since 2004, so I've been around quite a long time.I have been an active member in the planning committee for RvBTO since 2006. I've been the event coordinator/consultant for RvBTO from 2009 - 2012. I'm a consultant for TO:UnCon as well. No rest for me.

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