from my own little universe

    • folsom91

      been a while

      8 years ago

      i know its been a while since i put a sex joke up and thats just because i have stopped gettin on here a whole lot and i dont really have the time to do it any more. sorry guys but i think im just gonna stick to normal journals or somethin...

    • folsom91

      sex joke #112

      8 years ago

      A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

      "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

      "But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

    • folsom91


      8 years ago

      ok now i know you were probly expecting another sex joke but heres a contest instead.

      the contest is a picture contest and you make a picture and it has to have folsom91 on it somewhere and whoevers i like best wins and gets 50 mods. this contest will go until the 20th so get goin lol :P

      o and sorry but just to make this clear..if there happens to be like 1 or two people in this and both the pics arnt very good then sorry but no one will win...sorry guyz..

    • folsom91

      sex joke #111

      8 years ago

      A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

      The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.

      "Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"

      The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

      "Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! " Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.

      Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.

      "Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now! "

      The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.

      The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20, 000 feet.

      As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

    • folsom91

      sex joke #110

      8 years ago

      An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

      His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

      The old man replied, "It's fart football."

      A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

      After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7"

      Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

      Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

      He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

      The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

      The old man says, "Half time, switch sides"

    • folsom91

      sex joke #109

      8 years ago

      Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

      Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

      "Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

      "Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

      The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

      The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

      Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

      Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

      The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

      He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

      The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified."

    • folsom91

      sex joke #108

      8 years ago

      On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

      Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

      In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

      Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

      When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

      The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

      Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

      The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

      The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.

      And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

      The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

      The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

      Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

    • folsom91

      sex joke #107

      8 years ago

      A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

      As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

      She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

      She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"

    • folsom91

      sex joke #106

      8 years ago

      A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.

      "Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"

      "But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.

      "You're not rescued yet either."

    • folsom91

      sex joke #105

      8 years ago

      Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know that she was darn near a nymphomaniac.

      After six times having sex, she was screaming for more. After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.

      On the way out, he stopped into the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find "it."

      After a couple of minutes fishing around, he finally said, "Look, it's okay. She's not here!"

  • About Me about 5'7 and am awesomely. im a pyro and i like the dark. im a crazy person lol and if your gonna talk to me then be expecting random and crazy things.i like to meow and bluearmyx3 is really kool! you should like definatly add her. if you want to send me a message go ahead. i wont bite...maybe just nibble.... :D




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  • Comments (36)

    • folsom91


      6 years ago

      hey lol

    • mizkitkat


      6 years ago

      Meow?? ^w^

    • ChiefBubble


      6 years ago


    • r_v_b_addict


      6 years ago

      wazzup dude

    • Rainstar5711


      7 years ago

      WARRIORS RULES!!!!! ^^ hi

    • komquat452


      8 years ago


    • jamdestroyer


      8 years ago


      ..._...|..____________________, ,
      ....../ `---___________----_____|]
      .....), --- ---.(_(__) /
      ....// (..) ), ----"

      send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get a 10 your A TRUE HOMIE.

    • Boonamus


      8 years ago

      yeah pretty good

    • Boonamus


      8 years ago

      lol how ya been

    • Boonamus


      8 years ago

      hello hello.

      its been a long time

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