from Fujisawa, Japan

    • joehumanity

      What's this again?

      9 years ago

      I forgot. Oh wait, no, I remembered. Thanks to Dave for reminding me.

      So I went to Saipan last week and grilled myself on the beach then lacerated my knees on pieces of Mariana Fighting Coral. My old enemy. I'm also going out with one of my students- the lessons are GREAT, just GREAT- and the other week we went to a coffee shop in Shimokitazawa that had a MONKEY in it. COFFEE. And an OLD OLD MONKEY. Starbucks eat your filthy heart out. Oh, and I saw the Boom Boom Satellites on sunday, they're an AWESOME band and I advise you to checkemoutcheckemoutcheckemout.

      So, how have you been? I might post here again, but don't hold your breath or you'll DIE.

    • joehumanity


      9 years ago

      I got married. PROOF.

      (I'm in the middle btw)

      (and to this day I still can't work out whose those kids were supposed to be. Mine? Ours? I'd have doubts if a blonde English guy and a redheaded Aussie girl had two sons who were half Japanese and half American)

    • joehumanity

      Freeimagehosting is shite

      9 years ago

      look at all those expired images! god. Anyway hope everyone had a good christmas, I got clothes (which as we all know aren't real presents) and a copy of 'How the Dead Live' by Will Self. He's like an English version of Hunter S Thompson. I also plundered my local second-hand bookshop and went all intemalectual- I bought books by Kafka and Nabokov. La-de-da.

      England is very cold, and everyone in my home town is fat and ugly. I want to go back to Japan where it's slightly less cold, and the girls are tiny and cute. Bah.

      Oh, and I found out that the guy I gave an English lesson - Taiyo Matsumoto- to is the writer of Blue Spring. Omoshiroi na.

      Undoubtedly see you for a drunken ramble on New Year's Day...

    • joehumanity

      I'm home! and with photos!

      9 years ago

      Yes! I arrived yesterday and almost immediately fell asleep after getting up at 5am Japan time, getting my flight at 11am, spending 12 hours on the plane then arriving at 2pm England time. So that means I spent probably a week awake.

      Anyhow, photos. First the Xbox lounge!




      Kids! left-right Satomi, 7; Takumi, 7; Tomona, 6; Kei, 6.


      I got married! l-r Jen (aka Sigue Sigue Sputnik), Me (aka More Braces than You Can Handle), Dan, Angela and Clare. These aren't the actual photos, just in the dressing room.


      Cute friends! Natsuko. She hot.


      Schoolgirls! Lovely Iyo. She's the only reason I haven't asked to moved schools on Mondays.


      Schoolgirls! Hiroko. She's 14 and she comes to lessons with a Playboy bag. I am going straight to hell.


    • joehumanity

      I'm back goddamnity

      9 years ago

      ok, answers to the quizette.

      1. The pizza was called "CHEESE and CHEESE and CHEESE and CHEESE". Really.

      2. Why, he gave me a tall frosty glass of Kirin lager, of course. "Kirin" is also the word for "giraffe" in Japanese. So "watashi wa kirin" can either mean "I am a giraffe" or "as for me, I'll have a Kirin".

      3. TRICK QUESTION! they all do. In fact, the first thing you'll notice when you come to Japan is the extreme confidence of most sandwiches.

      4. "Please be careful of dangerous situations", of course.

      5. Slumped corpse + open grave = office worker. Such is the fate of the salaryman.

      6. point for Steve. Three women. Those conniving tricksters.

      7. I head straight to the section labelled 'BLACK MUSIC'. True.

      8. Yes, J-pop. Orange Range are actually quite good.

      9. I found a maid internet cafe in Fujisawa the other day. I almost cried. MAID OUTFITS RULE!

      10. They say 'iku!' ... literally, 'I'm going! I'm going!'

      There ya go. Item number two: some of you may have heard of the Xbox 360 lounge in Tokyo. Well, as the official emissary to Red Vs Blue in Japan (as infrequent as I am in keeping you updated) I feel it is my duty to go, take lots of photos, abuse the consoles and basically act like a complete gaijin. I'll go on friday so expect photos sometime next June. Only joking. May. No, I'll try and upload them on friday too.

      Oh, I also saw the fruits of my modelling exploits in the magazine the other day. It was mildly embarrassing but fortunately I haven't seen any 20foot high billboards or train adverts with me on them. YET.

      What else... went to an all-night rock marathon- a rockathon, if you will. got completely wasted, spent twenty minutes trying to talk to one of the singers in Japanese then he said 'I speak English, you know.' Actually, that happened the last time I was drunk too, I was trying to impress a girl by speaking Japanese but she eventually got tired of my garbled jabberings and said 'Just say it in English please!' embarrassment was had by one and all.

      All's quiet on the girlfriend front at the moment- actually that's an understatement, there's woolly mammoths frozen in the Siberian permafrost getting more action than me (though I've heard those maggots are brazen hussies) but I'm going to make my first ever new year's resolution which will be to get a girlfriend. Oh yes. I will succeed.

      Anyway, see you all on Friday. Probably.

    • joehumanity

      The Mini Japan Quiz

      9 years ago

      Some things are funny in Japan. Here they are in the form of questions. I'm too tired to think of a good introduction, sorry.

      1. I ordered a four-cheese pizza at a restaurant. What was the name of the pizza in the menu?

      2. I walked into a bar and said to the barman, 'Excuse me, I am a giraffe' in Japanese. What did the barman do?

      3. Which of these words do not appear on the wrappers of convenience store sandwiches? tasty, confident, exciting, helpful.

      4. The automated announcements at train stations are very helpful. My favourite warns me to be careful of... what?

      5. Kanji - the Chinese characters used in Japanese - aren't just squiggles. One, for example, is a pictograph of a slumped corpse in an open grave. What does it represent?

      6. Another means 'wickedness'. The character is actually three of another character, grouped together as if they're talking. Which character?

      7. None of this thinly-veiled 'urban' crap. If I want a Jay-Z CD (for example if I go insane) which section of my local record store would I look in?

      8. Shakalabbits. Bump of Chicken. Smap. Mr Children. Amateur hackers? Serial killer monikers? J-pop bands?

      9. A maid hair salon. It's not a question, I'm just saying. MAID HAIR SALON.


      10. When getting down to 'business'- actually, when almost finishing 'business'- Japanese girls don't say 'I'm coming'. What they do say would cause much consternation to the unwitting foreign partner. What is that magical phrase?

      Answers in a day! ...ish!

    • joehumanity

      Go forth and get conquered

      9 years ago

      Suntory Sho-Chu is now available in the US. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT PEOPLE! It costs about 800 yen here, that's about 8 dollars. I'm betting it'll cost at least twice as much in the US.

      Somebody buy a bottle and tell me what you think!

    • joehumanity

      No really, I'm not

      9 years ago

      would you believe that time passes more slowly in japan so two days for me is two months for you? no? okay.

      It's been a busy... er... however long I've been away. Tomoka split up with me- curses. I was a gaijin model for a wedding chapel, it was exactly like that scene in Lost in Translation with the photographer giving the translator about a minute of very detailed instructions then the translator saying to me 'raise your glass a bit more'. but I got 16000 yen for it- about 80 pounds or 160 dollars. not bad for 45 minutes' work though we did have to stand around for SIX HOURS waiting for the sun to come out.

      I also got fired OUT OF A CANNON INTO THE SIDE OF MOUNT FUJI. Well, sort of. Check out the stats on that ride. 107mph in 1.7 seconds! And the G's! oh so many G's.

      I've also been going out FAR too much and have acquired a taste for sho-chu, which is a cheap and cheerful japanese spirit made from barley or potatoes. In an izakaya (bar-restaurant type thing) a bottle of it is usually the same price as a beer- 6-700 yen or there abouts- and will get you nicely smashed. It also has the unusual quality of not giving you a hangover- you just stay drunk right on until the next day. Superb. I'm also in love with maguro sashimi. Look at it. Gorgeous.


      Ok, so I'm sorry for the prolonged absences. I'm a more frequent visitor to the internet place now so hopefully I'll be on a bit more. But, er, don't hold your breath.

    • joehumanity

      The Joe Is Not Dead

      10 years ago

      OK, yes, I am lame. But you try keeping up appearances on two sides of the world and the internet, using a computer that you do not have. It gets tricky after a while. But I'm going to buck my ideas up now. Gonna starts comin' to this here nerdular nerdence emporium and uploading all my shenanigans from my digital camera.

      So, news, news. There was a typhoon on Thursday and my one good umbrella got blown into the river. There was an earthquake the other week too, that was quite big. I'm working six days a week for a fortnight because some git decided to leave halfway through the month and I've got to cover for him on my DAY OFF. And to top it all off our 45 minute lunch break has been reduced to 15 in an effort to chop our working hours down so the company can reclassify us as part-time workers and weasel their way out of joining the government social security scheme. Bah.

      But, on the upside, the weather is still fantastically warm, I've made EVEN MORE friends, my Japanese is steaming along, we have beach parties at the drop of a hat (in fact I think last week's one was the Dropped Hat Anniversary Party) and I've even got a new girlfriend. She's called Tomoka, and she's 19. Life is good. I'll get a photo of her soon, stay calm mizzle. I can smell your burning pubic hair from here.

      See y'all soon. I PROMISE!

    • joehumanity

      That's when shit started blowing up

      10 years ago

      So, time for my weekly update. As you may have heard there was rather a large earthquake on Saturday. An earthquake seems to be the only thing capable of bringing the Japanese public transportation system to its knees; my next door neighbour was stuck on the train for three hours. I was teaching two hours outside of Tokyo so it wasn't that bad, but the building I was in is about 50 years old- ancient by Japanese standards- and it was creaking, jolting and groaning for a good five minutes.

      I still haven't gotten used to earthquakes. This one in particular was a vertical-tremor which can be quite dangerous. They're weird because when they start, the building snaps forward and back in a kind of whiplash movement, then the shaking begins. Depending on the sort of building you're in it can be a rattling tremor, swaying or wobbling. The worst 'snaps' are the ones where the entire building jumps three metres in one direction and everything goes flying- fortunately I haven't experienced one of those yet.

      So anyway, that was Saturday. Nothing much else happened this week, apart from the typhoon on tuesday and me waking up on wednesday 20 minutes before I was meant to catch my train and running a mile in eight minutes with a hangover. Oh, and I also made one of my twelve-year-old students cry by devising a ping-pong type game which involved minus points as well as plus points. Some kids just don't like losing.

      I'm quite well adjusted to Japanese life now. My Japanese lessons are coming along well, I can eat an octopus tentacle without flinching, and I'm meeting a lot of cute J-girls who always turn out to have boyfriends. Still, it's a step in the right direction. Ach, out of time. How's you lot?

  • About Me

    Livin' in the Miami Beach of Japan!

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  • Comments (49)

    • NicoleAnne


      9 years ago

      Hey, I'm about to be moving to the Misawa base in Japan. I was just wondering if you new anything about it, or had any advice for someone moving to Japan. Thanks!

    • Solid_Syam


      9 years ago


      Happy New Years from 2006!!
      And also Happy (late) Decemberween.

      smiley9.gifSyam smiley9.gif

    • jd_demon


      9 years ago

      LOL i didn't even know I had negative mod points on my journal... I wonder who did that.. I think I know, just by guessing. Muhaha, marvel at my powers of guess-ta-mation. :P

      But ummmm yes we do learn kanji at school. I completely suck at it and the only one I can seem to remember is chichi which I always get confused with chisai. Kanji confuses young Jessifer.

    • Incubus


      9 years ago

      Hey!....long time no talk...hows everything going?

    • grubbster


      9 years ago

      GO RAMMSTEIN!!!!1111!!!11oneoneone!!!!!!!!exclamationpoint!!11!!111!!1

    • Kevlar


      10 years ago

      ... I miss humanity. Especially the Joe variety.

    • RaoulDuke


      10 years ago

      Yeah, ok over there?

    • Kevlar


      10 years ago

      What's also lame is that you haven't been logged in in three weeks.


    • joehumanity


      10 years ago

      No, lame. See? Lame.

    • Ascendance


      10 years ago