6 years ago
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.
It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
6 years ago
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
6 years ago
I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busy work were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.
I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.
I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.
If you're in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile;
Success is there for you!
6 years ago
Once there was a king who was always fighting. One day he was badly wounded in a battle. A sage passed by and touched him, and the king was cured. He wanted to give the sage a reward for saving him, but the sage didn't want anything.
The king said, "I don't want to be indebted to you."
The sage said, "In the future I'll ask for something. I don't need anything now, but one day I'll come."
Months passed and the sage was praying to God one day for peace, light and bliss, when a desire entered his mind. For the past few months his cow had not been producing milk. "She's old," he said. "I'll ask the king for a new cow."
He went to see the king and found him in a temple. He was praying for more wealth and more fame.
The sage said to himself, "I won't ask him for a cow. He's a beggar like me." And he turned to leave.
The king stopped him and said, "Sage, you saved my life. Please tell me what you want. I'll give you anything."
The sage said, "I pray to God and meditate. He is all I need. I don't want to take anything from anyone in need. You told me you took an oath that you would not be indebted to anyone. I, too, have taken an oath. My oath is that if anyone is in need, then I won't take anything from that person. That's why I won't take anything from you. You're praying to God for material things. You're begging for God to give you wealth and fame. So how can I ask anything of you? God has shown me that everyone is a beggar. So if I need something, I'll get it from Him."
9 years ago
In the 13th century Llywelyn, prince of north Wales, had a palace at Beddgelert. One day he went hunting without Gelert, the faithful hound who was unaccoutably absent. On the prince's return, the hound , staind and smeared with blood joyfully sprang to meet his master. The alarmed prince hastened to find his son's cot empty. With the bedcloths and floor covered in blood, the frantic father plunged the sword into the hounds side under the assumtion that his dog had killed his heir. the dogs dying yell was answered by a childs cry. Llywelyn searched and discovered his boy unharmed, but near by lay the body of a mighty wolfwhich Gelert had slain. The prince, filled with remorse, is said to never have smiled again.
9 years ago
One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns.
One of the men proclaimed,
"Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are."
Immediately, the choir fled...
the deacons fled...
and most of the congregation fled....
Out of the 2,000 there only remained around 20.
The man who had spoken took off his hood...
He then looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites... Now you may begin your service. Have a nice
And the two men turned and walked out.
9 years ago
Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board and is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.
"I'm writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly more than 500 pounds. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form,
that I weigh 135 pounds.
Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section three of the accident report form.
Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its journey back down onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry."