I've had a pretty rough night to say the least. If you follow me on Twitter you already know but I felt like I should make a proper journal about it. It's pretty helpful for me to type these things out and interact with people. While I was at work last night I received a call from my grandmother and she told me that my grandfather had passed away. It happened so fast and unexpectedly; in fact they were on vacation in Hawaii when my grandfather suddenly stopped breathing and had to be taken to the E.R. Thankfully he was resuscitated and some tests gave us a possible cause for his sudden illness.
He had a large rupture in his bowels and it was basically poisoning him. The plan was to do immediate surgery to repair it but because he had been so ill the days leading up to this he was not able to eat anything, which meant his blood sugar and blood pressure were extremely low. Because of this they were not able to perform the surgery because he would not have survived it. They were going to give him a bunch of plasma (I don't know the medical term) to help stabilize his vitals but it was too little too late. My grandfather continued to get worse and he eventually slipped away.
When he was Initially taken to the E.R. I talked to my grandma and I told her if he get's the strength to make a phone call to have him call me. I had one of those unexplainable feelings that if I didn't talk to him soon I may never talk to him again. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth while getting ready for work when I received a call. It was my grandpa and it was such a relief to hear his voice when I had been assuming it might be bad news from my grandma. I didn't beat around the bush and I told him everything I needed to say and he told me that my words meant the world to him. He passed away about an hour later but I am extremely grateful that I had a chance to say my goodbyes. My sister and cousins were not as lucky and my heart truly hurts for them.
My father died when I was just a baby so my grandfather actually filled that role as best he could for most of my life. I was a rebellious little shit but I could not have asked for a better father figure. I am grateful I had the chance to tell him that myself before he died. I learned so much from him and I owe him so much! There is no way I'd be the person I am now without him and I think that goes for my whole family. It is a somewhat dysfunctional family but he was always the pillar that kept things from collapsing. Even at my worst when everyone had given up on me because of my drug addiction he was always the one to come through when I truly needed support. Jerry Burrows was a fucking great man!
I cried a lot at work and am glad it was a peaceful shift. By the time I got off work in the morning I was totally numb but now that I'm typing all this out I'm crying again and I believe that is good for me. My heart is shattered right now but avoiding it is only going to make things worse down the road. I don't know the logistics of bringing him back from Hawaii for a funeral but I really hope they don't try to charge an arm and a leg to fly his body home. Right now this is the type of shit that's giving me anxiety.
I don't know how to end this but I wanted to try putting this into words. I may add a few edits to this over the next few days, especially as more details come forth. I'm still in a state of shock and literally can't access the words to describe everything I'm feeling right now.
Do me a favor and tell those you care about that you love them.