I will not blame anyone or anything for what i have become for only i am responsible. Since high school my life has been hell but it was not my life that forced me to become the monster i did become, i did that on my own free will. I allowed the darkness to consume me and twist me into a horrible monster.
Many times i said i would change but either i was stupid or merely lying to myself, i wasn't ready to let go. I didn't bother to think about what consequences my actions were having, all i cared about was endless vengeance destruction and being merciless
I used my characters, i treated them as weapons. I used them to fight with people. To anger them to hurt them and to attack them, i treated them as nothing more than evil minions to my evil army
I forced my characters into relationships they weren't compatible with or had no interest in, just to satisfy my madness
but of course these characters are fictional and not why i am really here
I demanded for people to agree with me and when they refused i practically went to war with them.
I looked for any problem where none existed. When someone offered me critique, i saw it as an attack and i retaliated brutally against them.
I used the rps as weapons to fight with people, whenever someone disagreed with me or questioned me i decided to take it personally and made constant threats against them, even making schemes like some evil super villain constantly paranoid thinking everyone was trying to betray me
all anyone ever did was care about me and help me and yet i practically ripped their hearts out, ripped their hearts out and showed it to them. I tried to steal away their happiness, i tried to force them to obey my every command
whenever anything angered me or upset me, i took it out on other people treating them as my personal punching bags
For years i have treated people horribly, thinking i could do whatever i want without any consequence. I cannot expect anyone to instantly forgive me. I cannot expect anyone to think i have suddenly changed. Therefore i will punish myself and do everything i can to repent for all the crimes i did and earn everyones forgivness. I understand any not wanting to believe me and you are well within that right but i will do everything in my power to undo all the damage i caused
For years i have watched Once Upon a Time but never thought of how it was a message to me, that i had become the evil queen and desperately needed to redeem myself. When i watched Terminator and saw every tiny detail of what Skynet does, all i could think of is: What have i done?" This is all my fault and i swear ill do everything to make up for all those i have wronged and hurt
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