Hank the Cowdog: The Case of the Grunting SirenSo I was just loafing about in my dorm room when I heard a mystical sound coming from the communal bathroom down the hall. Well, not so much mystical as perplexing. It was a guy yelling "OH YEAH" and "OH MAN" like he was doing an angry Randy Savage impression, with each yell being interrupted by the sound of a large hand slapping bare flesh hey now. This went on for a frightening minute and a half. I quickly cleaned the fraidy juice from myself and went to work running some tests in my lab*. After some rigorous science, I've developed two hypotheses as to what he was doing.
1. He was dude bro'ing it out in front of the mirror, admiring and slapping his abs.
2. The much more plausible explanation... He was taking a painful shit that required him to call out to his slim jim snapping savior for help and guidance. When his pleas fell on deaf ears he got so angry at his own ass he began violently striking it in the hopes that he could tame his two-cheeked beast.