Forums > RWBY

Create a character for RWBY

Posts (85425)

  • Ace-of-Rogues

    Ace-of-Rogues FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Main Weapon: Rapier Wit

    #33737866 - 7 months ago

    In reply to RyuukoDawn

    Okay, this is an interesting design but one with a few issues. I'd say the overall concept is interesting, but there are several areas that need work or need to be expanded on.


    First things first, and I admit this is more of a pet peeve than a serious issue, proofreading. There are several misspelled words and the sentence structure is a bit off in places too. Not a serious issue but it's kinda a turn-off and there are a few times where the wording makes it hard to understand your meaning. I'm not trying to put you down, so if you think I'm being a grammar freak just say so and I'll drop it.


    Secondly, I'm almost completely lost on the weapon. I have no clue what you mean by "dual split blades" for example, and I'm having trouble figuring out where the flamethrower fits in with all this. Also, what do you picture for a "great-sword"? What I think of is a big two-handed sword that's probably about as tall as Rider, and that really doesn't mesh with a super acrobatic character. The sword would be a massive and unwieldy weight that would make jumping and flipping with it almost impossible. I get that we take a lot of liberties with design, but there still needs to be some common ground between the weapon and the style.


    The Semblance is interesting but needs to be expanded on. Does he have to consciously choose to adapt or does it happen automatically? Does it need to be Dust or do naturally occurring elements work too? How long does an adaptation last? Can he cancel it while it's active?


    Finally, you really want to use complete sentences for the personality section. Describe them to us you're describing someone you just met to a friend. Choppy blurbs are for dating sites. Remember, we have no idea who this is, so go big describing them.


    This is a good start, but it needs work. Keep at it!

  • Monodramatic

    Monodramatic

    #33737870 - 7 months ago

    In reply to RyuukoDawn

    Ten points for the mere existence of an entirely separate category for  the sole purpose of listing puns.


    I do want to second the idea that the weapon's a little busy, though. Especially considering it's got a longer description than the character's personality! In general, it's difficult to visualise; RWBY weapons aren't usually that complex, often only combining two different forms and without multiple different settings or combinations. The most you'd get is, say, the use of different dust cartridges, or something like Weiss' weapon, which forgoes any mechanical transformation in favour of basically being a magic wand that you can stab people with.

  • Jacinta-Capelety

    Jacinta-Capelety

    #33737872 - 7 months ago

    In reply to RyuukoDawn

    Ten points for that second quote reminding me of Hinata from Haikyuu. "I may be short, but I can jump!" I'll be honest, I'm too tired right now to read this through, and some other people are already on reviewing duty, so I don't really fill the need to step into that role for the sake of correcting beginner mistakes. I don't really like to do reviews of characters unless no one else is doing them. I don't have confidence in my ability to be both analytical and polite (when I go into 'acting logical' mode, my self-awareness of how rude or polite I'm being kinda shuts down), and quite frankly I have a very difficult time reading through anything long winded unless I've got an external read to be hyped up about it, like when my friend introduced me to Homestuck. .....And now I'm just rambling. I'm gonna wrap this post up before I start going on a crazy long tangent. This post is already way longer than I intended.

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33737905 - 7 months ago

    In reply to Ace-of-Rogues Thank you for taking time to review my OC. I would like to start off by saying thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes, for writing and such has never been my forte. If you happen to see more, please do not hesitate to point them out (cant get better if i don't know what I'm doing wrong). I am pleased that you find it interesting and will continue to devolve my OC creations. 


    As for the second problem, i will admit that i rushed the explanation on the weapon from fear that no one would take the time to read the whole thing or lose interest. I have a more detailed version saved and currently am working on a few tweaks to it. I met to say that the blade is in two; Split down the middle allowing it to open up. The flamethrower fits in the "guard" itself, while the fuel for it is located in the guard ports found on either side of the guard's flat surface. the guard is a circular shape that lets the blade shift from gun, Boomerang and sword mode.

    I understand that it is difficult to visualize however i did do a pic of it but have yet to figure out how to up load. X^D

    Next, is his fighting style.

    While yes, as you stated the sword is almost about his height and and weighs almost 80 lbs (77.5 lbs exactly) however combined with his high strength and acrobatic self, he uses the weight and momentum of his swings to pull off unique and aggressive attacks. (like doing a downward swing, and getting the sword planted into the ground and then doing a handstand on the handle to kick or spin kick a target)

    He way that he fights is highly aggressive and spastic but this can leave him tired out quickly so he fight in a manner that allows him to deal the most damage while saving his energy. All in all he basically uses his sword like a giant bo staff that he can climb throw and cut with. (why i didnt use a staff then comes into play later with his story)


    To answer your questions about Rider's Semblance, let me first stat that it is still being tweak so all input is welcomed. That being said. the mechanics that have been worked out so far are as followed. He can adapt to 2 Elements at once.


    As for your question, He can choose to adapt to but often he allows it to happen automatically, however this can drain out his Aura if hit while muliple at once in quick successions and leave him vulnerable.

    it does not need to be Dust as he shows when he uses the fire from his flamethrower to increase his power to fight or being blasted into cold water in winter during a fight and came out completely fine. 

    The adaptation can last as long as 2 minutes, any longer with start to sap him and cause damage to his body.

    He can cancel it early but to shuts off on its own. The Semblance is for the most part a subconscious Skill, however it takes thought and focus to prolong its activation which causes a strain on him.

     

    I hope this helps a bit and i will work on fixing the mistakes. If any other comments or questions please let me know. Thank you again.

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33737906 - 7 months ago

    In reply to Monodramatic Thank you for your comment. I will say that his weapon description was a little rushed but it was very thought out to sync with his fighting style i have a more detailed info posted on another forum and will edit this one to make more sense to you all. 

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33737907 - 7 months ago

    In reply to Jacinta-Capelety I'm glad that you enjoyed my puns and quotes. Thank you for reviewing my post. If you do see and mistakes or have any questions about my OC i will try and answer them as well as i can. 

  • AnimeAnnemarie

    AnimeAnnemarie

    #33737911 - 7 months ago

    In reply to RyuukoDawn You can paste pictures here by opening them in a browser, right clicking, and selecting "copy image URL" (or something that translates to that if you use another language). Then paste in the box you type in, and the image should appear. I'll do it right now with my profile picture and yours.

    2685625-1495476801327-me_edited_again.jp

    3608730-1536456029449-30776325_200171496

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33737919 - 7 months ago

    In reply to AnimeAnnemarie ok thanks! i will try and do so then i will upload a (badly drawn) pic of the sword

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33737920 - 7 months ago

    In reply to AnimeAnnemarie This is roughly what the sword looks like

    Crimson Star


    3608730-1536781797179-41466970_294645007


    Boomerang Mode


    3608730-1536781803331-41459329_235641703

  • Monodramatic

    Monodramatic

    #33737930 - 7 months ago

    In reply to RyuukoDawn

    So, even understanding the actual mechanisms of the weapon, I still think a simpler approach would fit the verse more. Like, looking at this weapon, you've already got three transformations (sword, boomerang and flamethrower), and along with that, one of the transformations has three different settings of which two can be used at the same time, and that's not even mentioning the fact that it also functions as a glider? It does a lot of different things, and that honestly feels like it'd just make the weapon more difficult to master because there are so many things you'd have to think about.


    Really, this theme extends to your Semblance, too. It isn't a single, strictly defined power that's simply used creatively, like Pyrrha's Semblance, and it isn't an ability with a clear focus or a singular, powerful usage, like Nora's power boost from absorbing electricity or Ruby's weird petal-speed-thing. This is usually what Semblances fall under, to my knowledge, and I find that it's the best way to construct them in order to make a character whose fighting style is more thematic. But what you've given Rider is, again, just a lot of options and versatility without much of a clear focus - not to mention that, even with your limit, he can apparently still adapt to 4 things at once?


    Honestly, I'll admit that I'm biased against these sorts of "different effect depending on what you mix it with" kind of Semblance. I just don't enjoy particularly dense powers. The closest canon examples I can think of are Weiss and Blake's Semblance when combined with Dust, but Weiss is very specifically a snowflakey special case within the world of remnant because of the nature of her Semblance, and since her weapon and Semblance are practically always used in unison, it prevents her from being mind-numbingly complicated.


    As for Blake, well, the Dust cartridges being applied to her Semblance frankly make her way too busted, and it was a really strange addition to a character whose fighting style already had a clear focus and didn't necessarily need the all-purpose versatility. Plus, in that case, at least her weapon was a bit simpler than what you've presented.


    I'd honestly recommend either simplifying the weapon, or coming up with a Semblance that has a clearer theme and functions as a single power. I think My Hero Academia is a good example of what I'm talking about as far as powers go; with very few exceptions, the quirks there do only one thing, but that one thing can be applied in different situations. Generally, I think RWBY Semblances would mesh well as Quirks and vice versa.


    Do I care too much? Wayyyyy too much.

  • A-Tank

    A-Tank

    #33738162 - 7 months ago

  • A-Tank

    A-Tank

    #33738167 - 7 months ago

    a3.pngI come bearing Herman's weapon. How goes it, everyone? This was made by Einflys, a graphic designer.

  • RyuukoDawn

    RyuukoDawn

    #33738185 - 7 months ago

    In reply to Monodramatic I hear ya and understand. I will try and tone it back a bit however i did take into consideration his power and fighting style when making his weapon. Also it is funny that you mention MHA because that's how i try and scale my character to be. His whole thing is to be a versatile fighter.  

  • user-5a98361f8663d

    user-5a98361f8663d

    #33738216 - 7 months ago

    well iv seen some rwby oc weapon's that made me cringe like in this video the close rage mode on it had the barrel of the gun pointed ware it can easily shot him self.....NUMBER ONE RULE OF GUN's NEVER EVER POINT THE BARREL AT OR CLOSE TO YORE SELF!!!!!

  • FlameHaze001

    FlameHaze001

    #33738222 - 7 months ago

    In reply to user-5a98361f8663d

    I've seen the video before and all I can say is I agree with you.

  • FlameHaze001

    FlameHaze001

    #33738270 - 7 months ago

    In reply to c4ble

    i've seen all the trailers made by mark zhang and honestly viridian is my favorite.

  • user-5a98361f8663d

    user-5a98361f8663d

    #33738302 - 7 months ago

    In reply to c4ble

    im not dising on the video im just saying that the weapon that the main OC is using can easily shot him self in the face do to the barrel of the gun part is aim at him self witch it feels wrong seeing it.

  • VoshTheStampede

    VoshTheStampede FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold For Science

    #33738303 - 7 months ago

    Now that I know Florence isn't gonna ruin my house, a new page: SEshKzX.jpg

  • Rakolai

    Rakolai FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Huntsman

    #33738304 - 7 months ago

    In reply to jVictor


    Ooh, he touched the hair.


    You done did it now, boyo.

  • Jacinta-Capelety

    Jacinta-Capelety

    #33738306 - 7 months ago

    In reply to jVictor

    It's kinda hard to tell what's going on in the top right and bottom right frames, but other than that, amazing work as usual jVictor.

  • VoshTheStampede

    VoshTheStampede FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold For Science

    #33738309 - 7 months ago

    In reply to Jacinta-Capelety


    The top right is the fact that Gawain pushed off the ground so fast that it cracked the ground. The bottom right frame is Gawain kneeing Yang in the stomach (he's yanking her down by her hair). I was kinda worried that it wouldn't be clear, so I'm glad you pointed it out so I can work on it when I try to incorporate such things into future comics. Thank you, Jacinta, you minx you :)

  • AnimeAnnemarie

    AnimeAnnemarie

    #33738313 - 7 months ago

    In reply to user-5a98361f8663d He didn't say you were dissing on the video though...

  • Jacinta-Capelety

    Jacinta-Capelety

    #33738314 - 7 months ago

    In reply to jVictor

    First of all: minx. First time I've been called that and I have absolutely no idea how to interpret it. That's an unusual thing to be called. What even is a minx?


    Second, yeah, now that you explained it I can see it. I think the first one it was a matter of expecting something different, and the second one it was all the movement lines making it hard to tell what was solid and what was..... a movement line.

  • VoshTheStampede

    VoshTheStampede FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold For Science

    #33738316 - 7 months ago

     In reply to Jacinta-Capelety


    That last panel worried me because I had movement lines going every which-way. The next time I make such a panel I'll put more consideration into the line art so that it's less confusing. As for minx:


    Noun: an impudent, cunning, or boldly flirtatious girl or young woman.


    There you go (I felt the "cunning and bold" felt most applicable to you.)  nora

  • Jacinta-Capelety

    Jacinta-Capelety

    #33738318 - 7 months ago

    In reply to jVictor

    Appreciate the attempt at a compliment, but I am neither cunning or bold, I'm just really shitty at lying, especially when giving my opinion is involved. And as for flirtatious, (que hysterical laughter), people terrify me. Even considering attempting flirting would probably give me a heart attack.