Forums > The Group of Manliness

The Fucking Man of the Month July

Posts (79)

  • osiris32

    osiris32

    #31226780 - 8 years ago

    OK, so now that I'm not hopped up on meds OR working my ass off, we can start a new competition. I apologize for being late, that's my fault. However, a man needs to prioritize, and making money to provide for myself, my dog, my girlfriend, and her son, well, they come first. Then you guys. Hey, at least you're a close second!!

    But I digress. Anyway, since July is something of a historical month in the US, we're gonna have a relevant catagory: MANLIEST HISTORICAL FIGURE.

    So, here's the rules:

    #1: They have to have actually existed. King Arthur was a bad ass motherfucker, but he didn't actually exist. Same thing goes for Greek mythological heroes like Achilles or Odysseus.
    #2: They have to have died before the year 1900. Sadly, this puts Teddy Roosevelt out of the running, but still gives us a huge sample of manly-type people to work with.
    #3: Included in the basic info should be the birth and death dates of the individual you are nominating. Not really for any reason (other than to make sure you obey Rule #2) it's more out of curiosity.
    #4: Since photography was only invented 200 years ago, pics are gonna be hard to come by for some of the contestants. So, if a pic does not exist, an artist's rendering will have to do.
    #5: Jesus is disqualified from this competition, not because I have anything against him, but because being the son of God kinda makes it difficult for anyone else to compete. It would be like trying to enter Usane Bolt into the special Olympics. So let's just take it as read that's he's one manly motherfucker and move on.
    #6: Usual badmouthing and ass kicking are encouraged.

    Now, SUBMIT, BITCHES!!

  • osiris32

    osiris32

    #31226781 - 8 years ago

    So, after much thought on my part, I'll start things off with this entry:

    Genghis Khan

    genghis-khan-bust-300x285.jpg

    Born in 1162, died in 1227. Founded the Mongol Empire, which, after his death, became the largest empire in the history of mankind. By the time of his death, his empire covered Central Asia and a big portion of China. How did he go from uniting roaming and nomadic tribes to running a big chunk of the world? By being FUCKING RUTHLESS. It's estimated that 40 million people died at the sword of the Mongol army, and army that he helped train and design. He was also an excellent politician, concerned about those whom he governed (if he didn't kill them for resistance) doing such things as removing any emphasis on race or ethnicity; giving tax breaks to doctors, teachers, and religious figures; adopting a universal system of writing and arthimatic; practicing religious tolerance; promoting through meritocracy and ability; and pushing for greater and more stable trade and communications (he basically made the Silk Road about 300% more effecient)

    He let his generals do just about as they pleased, because he knew they were completely loyal to him. If you crossed the Great Khan, death was the least of your worries. The torture you were put through was something to make the Marquis de Sade roll over in his grave. Because of that loyalty, his generals went far afield conquering in his name. Baghdad was sacked. Beijing was captured. Most of western China fell, all before his death. After his death, his empire went on to expand to places like Turkey, Kiev, central and northern Russia, Afghanistan, Pakistan, northern India, Iran, Iraq, and the central asian countries of Georgia, Kazakhstan, Hungary, Bulgaria, and others.

    And as a final argument for him, JOHN MOTHER FUCKING WAYNE portrayed him in the 1956 movie Genghis Khan. If John Wayne plays you, you're a fucking man, and that's all there is to it.

    Post edited 6/07/11 9:37PM

  • Ashryka

    Ashryka

    #31226782 - 8 years ago

    Comments about Jesus and religion notwithstanding, it's a good category, and a nice nomination. However, still very unsurprising.

    Self-Portrait-in-Old-Age,-Leonardo-da-Vi
    Leonardo Da Vinci. THIS is a nomination. Painter, writer, mathematician, Polymath, cartographer, engineer...if there something he did NOT do, it's because he hadn't invented and perfected it. He's possibly most famous for his artistic expertise, he painted the Mona Lisa after all, but he was so much more than an artist. Leonardo is revered for his technological ingenuity. He conceptualised a helicopter, a tank, concentrated solar power, a calculator, the double hull for ships and outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. And this was at a time when people still thought the Earth was flat. Oh, and the picture listed here, he drew that too.

    Not for nothing is the Wonder of the World from discovering Invention in Civilization called "Leonardo's Workshop." No wonder that so many parody makers use his artworks, and that so many ideas and machines have roots from that one great mind. He was a visionary, a craftsman of so many talents that normal people were often stunned by his ability. A quote for 1967, four hundred years after he died.

    "Because of the multiplicity of interests that spurred him to pursue every field of knowledge ... Leonardo can be considered, quite rightly, to have been the universal genius par excellence, and with all the disquieting overtones inherent in that term. Man is as uncomfortable today, faced with a genius, as he was in the 16th century. Five centuries have passed, yet we still view Leonardo with awe." Liana Bortolon.

    He is a fucking MAN.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226783 - 8 years ago

    ALEXANDER THE MOTHER FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!
    (20/21 July 356 – 10/11 June 323 BC)

    Alexander_the_Great.jpg

    thats right the only man in history to fully conquer the known civilized world!!!
    he wiped out the persian armies in days while outnumbered 3 to 1,
    fucked god knows how many women on the way (that probably killed him...respectable at that time)
    was one of the greatest tactical minds ever.
    FOUGHT AGAINST ELEPHANT CALVARY!!!!
    and basically gave birth to modern western culture!
    he may have died young but HE OWNED THE FUCKING EARTH!!!!
    and he was bad ass enough to do it!

    alex_bm-724603.jpg

    Post edited 6/10/11 9:04PM

  • Ashryka

    Ashryka

    #31226784 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #4:

    Did Classical history year 13 on this guy. Devious he was.

  • WARDOG01

    WARDOG01

    #31226785 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #4:

    DAAAAMMNNN UUUU!!!!! U fuckin SUCK Jegs! smiley5.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley11.gif

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226786 - 8 years ago

    In reply to WARDOG01, #6:

    lulz, U mad, bro?

    In reply to Ashryka, #5:

    both a lover and a fighter from what i understand.

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226787 - 8 years ago

    Okay. Beat this guy.

    Julius Ceasar.
    That's Fucking right. First emperor of Rome.

    julius_caesar_statue.jpg

    13 July 100 BC – 15 March 44 BC
    He was a military genius, conquering Gaul (modern france) and many other places in europe.
    He had a distingushed military career and was a roman senator. Then Emperor.
    It took 60 men and 23 stabs to kill him.

    So vote Julius Ceasar, bitches, cos he was a mother fuckin' boss.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226788 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #8:

    he was also a back stabber and didnt stay in power all that long. hell he didnt really even do that much.

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226789 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #9:

    Alexander was as much, if not more, of a backstabber. He was also seen as such a threat, very early in his power, that they killed him very early in his dictatorship proves how powerful and threatening he was. And he turned rome into an empire, he conquered hundreds of thousands - if not millions - of people, he crossed the Rhine River in ten days, he lived well into his fifties during a time when fourty was considered a respectable age, he fucked Cleopatra, he has a month named after him, and his empire was far bigger than that of Alexander.

    Ceasar's Empire
    romans-roman%20empire.jpg

    Alexander's empire:
    alexmap.gif

    Thank you for attempting to undermine my post.

    I bid you good day, sir.

  • WARDOG01

    WARDOG01

    #31226790 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #10:

    .... Yeah...... ur getting a couple things confused here though man. An "Empire" was the portion of conquered land that was assimilated and left in the charge of specific people.. however this IS NOT the totality of conquered land. The "Empire" that we think of these days consists of total territory.

    In terms of actual LAND conqured during their reign:

    Genghis Kahn took over about 8 Million square miles. NOT including bodies of water, then it puts u at a total between 12 and 13.

    Alexander of Macedonia is the only single conqueror to even have a chance at sniffing Kahn's ass, with about 2 1/2 Million square miles. (Again... land)....

    ... Ceasar, while being a pimp (I'll give him that), never even came close.

    The biggest thing that Alexander has OVER Khan KAAAAAHHHNNN!!!! (and the main reason that I was gonna nominate Alexander, myself) is that the vast majority of his conquests were over other established empires that were already massively powerful on their own. And yes, he was the only conqueror to date to ever do this successfully on such a large scale.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226791 - 8 years ago

    In reply to WARDOG01, #11:

    that and KKAAAAAAAAHHHNNNN!!!!!! didnt really have a very populace portion of the world to conquer, if he went after the greeks or the romans he would have probably got smeared.

    also i do NOT use that fake pseudo science show deadliest warrior as a reference. doesn't even use scientific method, and they say it's a mans show *PSSSHH!!*

  • osiris32

    osiris32

    #31226792 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #12:

    You should also know that because The Great Khan was a notorious lover, something like 0.5% of the population OF THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD is related to him.

    Motherfucker got around.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226793 - 8 years ago

    In reply to osiris32, #13:

    probably the main cause of VD too...

  • osiris32

    osiris32

    #31226794 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #14:

    Actually, I should amend my previous post to say, "The Great Khan raped and pillaged so much that"

    Like I said earlier, The Man was fucking ruthless.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226795 - 8 years ago

    didnt he drown in his own blood from a node bleed in his sleep?

  • osiris32

    osiris32

    #31226796 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #16:

    No one really knows. Some reports say he died in battle, some say he died of cancer. By his own wishes, his body was buried without marker somewhere out on the Mongolian Steppe, then a river was diverted over his grave so that no one could ever find him.

  • WARDOG01

    WARDOG01

    #31226797 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #10:

    In reply to WARDOG01, #11:

    Just a side note:

    Alexander also, long after his death, has a set of 5 giant statues spread out the world on display and modled after his own likeness... I'm pretty sure no other conqueror to date can say this.. oh yeah.. the statues.. we have one of them! That's right, "Lady Liberty" IS A MAN BABY!! smiley13.gif

    .... Ceasar.... he has pizza.. and dressing... none of which are all that good.. nor are they made of solid copper.

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226798 - 8 years ago

    In reply to WARDOG01, #18:

    Fine then. Since it would seem that everyone is aginst my suggestion, I withdraw it. I will post anotherone soon. WARDOG would you please censor my posts? I will endevor to come up with another suggestion that is prehaps not so disagreeable with those present.

  • jegsimmons1

    jegsimmons1

    #31226799 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #19:

    oh grow a pair and keep with your post.
    then grow some hair on your pair and DEFEND IT!!!!

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226800 - 8 years ago

    In reply to jegsimmons1, #20:

    If people are going to keep being ungentlemanly about it then I don't see why I should bother.

  • WARDOG01

    WARDOG01

    #31226801 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #19:

    ........ LOL! Not a chance King! The post stays up. I have no probelm with Ceasar being nominated.. no problem at all. I actually think it's a good post. What I DO have a problem with is when people post up "facts" that're totally inaccurate to use to defend their statements.. such as the whole "Empires" thing.. ALSO when, in the middle of a debate.. on a thread where there's SUPPOSED TO BE debates, they puss out and wanna withdraw. BULLSHIT!! Ur gonna play this game like a man or we're gonna teach ya. That's just how it works around here..

    deal-with-it-18330-1284420716-4.jpg

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226802 - 8 years ago

    In reply to WARDOG01, #22:

    Quite frankly I couldn't careless what anyone thinks of the post but I can see no chance of it even being in the poll, let alone winning with such opposition. The idea of this competition is to win, is it not? Thus with my current nomination currently unable to win I insist it is withdrawn and I will nominate another.

  • WARDOG01

    WARDOG01

    #31226803 - 8 years ago

    In reply to DaKillaKing, #23:

    .... Then just nominate.. who gives a shit if u have more then one up there?

  • DaKillaKing

    DaKillaKing

    #31226804 - 8 years ago

    In reply to WARDOG01, #24:

    You have a point.