It's been a very long time since we went Vat diving, but the recent political issues have been (the most tragic form of) comedy gold and we'd have been exceptionally derelict in not doing something about that. So we put together some topics, whittled them down to three and now present to you every answer that didn't score less than zero.
In related news, mark your calendars, for the 27th of December is the 7th anniversary of the formation of our parent group, the USSRvB. This day is known as Red December.
Partaking of the vodka this year:
Daylight Saving Time. Why bother?
Because a dead man wanted more time to catch butterflies after work! What more reason does the world need to screw with the marking of time and make everyone's life that much harder?
Because my life is chaotic and confusing, and so yours will damn well be, too!
I live in Arizona, and the only thing this state is doing right is not acknowledging daylight saving time. I actually don't even know what that is; I just assume it's some kind of Pagan ritual.
Hey, I don't want to use up all of my daylight during the Winter, so I save some for the Spring and Summer. It would be great if I could get some interest on my savings.
Megafire's reply: Interest, in this economy?
To save candles. We need them for our BDSM dungeons!
Jaxom's reply: Nothing is more important than maintaining the ambience of your dungeons, and flickering candle-light is an important part of that.
So emigrating to Caňada might not be as easy as you thought...
Turns out there's a lot more Not America Land if you go east, west or south of the US. Kappy and Sekai are currently living it up somewhere in Sweden and I hear Iceland is actually kind of warm when compared to, er, Nova Scotia...
Rico's reply: But do Sweden and Iceland have little mushroom people?
Thank God I live in Europe, where everything is totally sane and stable and nothing goes wrong ever.
Canada is closed, buddeh!
A Donald Trump presidency in the US is certainly going to be... unusual. Best and worst predictions?
Worst case scenario? Hitler 2: The Ugly Extremist Edition
Best case scenario? He and Mike Pence get really drunk celebrating on the first night in the house. Both go to throw up in the same toilet, they bash their heads together in drunken confusion, lose consciousness and both drown in the same toilet bowl, leaving the job to Trump's dog Spinee, who will be the least destructive leader the US has ever had. Legislation will be passed requiring dog keepers to give their dog a bone.
Rico's reply: Trump gets an open-casket state funeral with the letters "Armitage Shanks" imprinted on his forehead.
Worst case scenario: I get out my lawn chair to watch the bombs drop, taking my first and last sip of an alcoholic beverage.
Best case scenario: Trump continues to act like a human roulette wheel and I occasionally make some money off of it entirely by accident.
Jalnor's reply: I vote we build a contraption to hurl high-velocity dog poop at the nukes while they're still on the way up, so we get fireworks at a safe distance and any shots we miss have a chance of landing on Trump.
Megafire's reply: Not sure we can manage that, with all the logistics involved. I mean, where are we going to find so many dogs in such little time?
Jalnor's reply: China
Megafire's reply: I like the way you think.
Worst case scenario: Yellow combovers and excessive amounts of orange fake tan become high fashion. Models cruise the catwalks with orange faces and Trump hair. Metallica performs all of their shows with orange faces and Trump hair. People start wearing shirts with photoshopped pictures of Marylin Monroe covered in tattoos and with an orange face and Trump hair. Jennifer Lawrence and Will Smith co-star in a new Star Wars trilogy, both with orange faces and Trump hair. The practice becomes first popular, then broadly expected. It turns into a social mandate. Those who do not adopt the style are ostracised by greater society. Lynch mobs form against them, and are actively encouraged by the media. Municipalities begin passing laws requiring the practice, then counties, then states, and finally, in 2031, it becomes a federal requirement. The style spreads across the globe, and is even adopted by the few remaining hunter/gatherer societies. It becomes eternally ingrained in all human society. Donald Trump becomes the archaetype for the modern human. This is what aliens find upon first contact; the human race is simply 32 billion Donald Trumps.
Buck's reply: I'm going to start a Donald Trump wig factory and fake tan salon. With 30 billion future customers I'll be filthy rich!
Jaxom's reply: He's already got the 'filthy' part down.
Best: Trump realizes he bit off more than he can chew, gives it a valiant try but gets fed up. Pence is sworn in but completely blocked by congress to actually succeed in anything on his agenda. Terry Crews runs for 46th president of the US. All hail future president Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
Worst: The world economy goes straight down the toilet, people blame Obama for it. Terry Crews runs for 46th president of the US. All hail future president Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
High score goes to Jaxom! Jalnor owes you a drink...