The Vodka Vat

    • Vat 61: It trumps all previous Vats

      2 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      It's been a very long time since we went Vat diving, but the recent political issues have been (the most tragic form of) comedy gold and we'd have been exceptionally derelict in not doing something about that. So we put together some topics, whittled them down to three and now present to you every answer that didn't score less than zero.

      In related news, mark your calendars, for the 27th of December is the 7th anniversary of the formation of our parent group, the USSRvB. This day is known as Red December.
      Partaking of the vodka this year:


      @BuckeyeDon - Blue Leader
      @Jalnor - Carries a zat
      @jaxom_rahl - Aspiring Expatriate
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador


      Topic 1:
      Daylight Saving Time. Why bother?


      Jalnor
      Because a dead man wanted more time to catch butterflies after work! What more reason does the world need to screw with the marking of time and make everyone's life that much harder?


      Megafire
      Because my life is chaotic and confusing, and so yours will damn well be, too!


      Jaxom
      I live in Arizona, and the only thing this state is doing right is not acknowledging daylight saving time. I actually don't even know what that is; I just assume it's some kind of Pagan ritual.


      Buck
      Hey, I don't want to use up all of my daylight during the Winter, so I save some for the Spring and Summer. It would be great if I could get some interest on my savings.


      Megafire's reply: Interest, in this economy?


      Rico
      To save candles. We need them for our BDSM dungeons!


      Jaxom's reply: Nothing is more important than maintaining the ambience of your dungeons, and flickering candle-light is an important part of that.


      Topic 2:
      So emigrating to Ca┼łada might not be as easy as you thought...


      http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/how-to-move-to-canada-immigration-website-crash-donald-trump-president-a7406106.html



      Jalnor
      Turns out there's a lot more Not America Land if you go east, west or south of the US. Kappy and Sekai are currently living it up somewhere in Sweden and I hear Iceland is actually kind of warm when compared to, er, Nova Scotia...


      Rico's reply: But do Sweden and Iceland have little mushroom people?


      Megafire
      Thank God I live in Europe, where everything is totally sane and stable and nothing goes wrong ever.


      Rico
      Canada is closed, buddeh!


      Topic 3:
      A Donald Trump presidency in the US is certainly going to be... unusual. Best and worst predictions?


      Jalnor
      Worst case scenario? Hitler 2: The Ugly Extremist Edition
      Best case scenario? He and Mike Pence get really drunk celebrating on the first night in the house. Both go to throw up in the same toilet, they bash their heads together in drunken confusion, lose consciousness and both drown in the same toilet bowl, leaving the job to Trump's dog Spinee, who will be the least destructive leader the US has ever had. Legislation will be passed requiring dog keepers to give their dog a bone.

      Rico's reply: Trump gets an open-casket state funeral with the letters "Armitage Shanks" imprinted on his forehead.


      Megafire
      Worst case scenario: I get out my lawn chair to watch the bombs drop, taking my first and last sip of an alcoholic beverage.
      Best case scenario: Trump continues to act like a human roulette wheel and I occasionally make some money off of it entirely by accident.


      Jalnor's reply: I vote we build a contraption to hurl high-velocity dog poop at the nukes while they're still on the way up, so we get fireworks at a safe distance and any shots we miss have a chance of landing on Trump.


      Megafire's reply: Not sure we can manage that, with all the logistics involved. I mean, where are we going to find so many dogs in such little time?


      Jalnor's reply: China


      Megafire's reply: I like the way you think.


      Jaxom
      Worst case scenario: Yellow combovers and excessive amounts of orange fake tan become high fashion. Models cruise the catwalks with orange faces and Trump hair. Metallica performs all of their shows with orange faces and Trump hair. People start wearing shirts with photoshopped pictures of Marylin Monroe covered in tattoos and with an orange face and Trump hair. Jennifer Lawrence and Will Smith co-star in a new Star Wars trilogy, both with orange faces and Trump hair. The practice becomes first popular, then broadly expected. It turns into a social mandate. Those who do not adopt the style are ostracised by greater society. Lynch mobs form against them, and are actively encouraged by the media. Municipalities begin passing laws requiring the practice, then counties, then states, and finally, in 2031, it becomes a federal requirement. The style spreads across the globe, and is even adopted by the few remaining hunter/gatherer societies. It becomes eternally ingrained in all human society. Donald Trump becomes the archaetype for the modern human. This is what aliens find upon first contact; the human race is simply 32 billion Donald Trumps.


      Buck's reply: I'm going to start a Donald Trump wig factory and fake tan salon. With 30 billion future customers I'll be filthy rich!


      Jaxom's reply: He's already got the 'filthy' part down.


      Rico
      Best: Trump realizes he bit off more than he can chew, gives it a valiant try but gets fed up. Pence is sworn in but completely blocked by congress to actually succeed in anything on his agenda. Terry Crews runs for 46th president of the US. All hail future president Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

      Worst: The world economy goes straight down the toilet, people blame Obama for it. Terry Crews runs for 46th president of the US. All hail future president Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho


      Scores:
      Buck: 3
      Jalnor: 3
      Jaxom: 9
      Rico: 8
      Megafire: 6


      High score goes to Jaxom! Jalnor owes you a drink...

    • Vat 60: We Excel at Vodka

      4 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Welcome to the 60th Vodka Vat!
      ...wow. The closest together we've ever done these is once a week. The 6-month hiatus since Vat 59 is actually quite small in comparison to some of the periods we've gone without posting. But here we are, countless years later, still getting drunk and burning bridges.
      This Vat was generated, in part, by a spreadsheet. I'm still working on it, but it spits out the answers pre-formatted for me. It is not, however, an Excel spreadsheet, since I much prefer the communist approach of Apache OpenOffice smiley13.gif
      This article is gonna continue right into the comments, I have no doubt, because every answer got a positive score and I didn't have the heart to cut out any of them, even though we had 5 topics. Consider it our way of making up for the six months without any Vat. Our little gift to you.

      Partaking of the vodka this week year is Sonima who recently returned to the site after a long absence and who, during what I'm guessing was her maternity leave, has been posting awesome stuff on the USSRvB's Facebook page for several months.

      1
      Sonima and the Captain (now styling himself Kappy) have recently returned to RT and the Mafia Game. If we can drag them back to the site, who else do you predict will return and what will ensue as a result?

      Sonima:

      *kicks and screams* You can't make me, you can't make me! Oh, okay, fine... I predict that my alternate account (WalkingCrazy) will return and that I will have a crazy identity crisis, resulting in it coming to light that I was two people all along.


      Jalnor:

      I predict that Firewolf and f3licks will return just in time for the first Commie Con to actually happen - and then Firewolf really will have a tough choice about what to do to f3licks - or, rather, in which order to do those things...

      Score: 2

      Megafire:

      As long as Sarge is aware that I will no longer be working for her, we should be fine.

      Score: 3

      Buck:

      How the hell did we get enough drugs to drag Kappy back?

      Score: 3

      2
      A pigeon recently got rescued by a helicopter. What's the world coming to?
      Source

      Sonima:

      If that pigeon just worked harder and got himself a job, he could have gotten himself back to land all on his own. Lazy millennial pigeons...


      Jaxom:

      That was no ordinary pigeon. The conspiracy theorists were right all along, except for one thing: It isn't alien lizard-men who control the world through their Illuminati/Freemason underlings; it's alien bird-men.

      Score: 2

      Cevrus:

      Next week, same pigeon goes through a plane engine. Karma.

      Score: 3

      Jalnor:

      I'm just waiting for a fireman to rescue Spiderman from a tree.

      Score: 2

      Megafire:

      Wait, first a couple of ravens attacked the Pope's white doves, and now this? Clearly, battle lines are being drawn in the avian kingdom. Best choose our allegiance wisely.

      Score: 3

      Buck:

      A shotgun would have been a far cheeper way to get it down.

      Score: 2

      Rico:

      These Amazon drone deliveries are becoming ridiculous

      Score: 6

      3
      After being re-elected Head of FIFA, Sepp Blatter had to resign. Something about bribes and Qatar using slaves. If he sets foot outside of Switzerland, he gets arrested. Is he really Saddam Hussein?
      Source

      Sonima:

      Look! If he grew a scraggly beard, the resemblance would be uncanny!
      Sonimas%20image_zpscipgcuo3.jpg
      Coincidence? I think not!


      Jaxom:

      After more than once failing to take over Canada, he's instead taken over FIFA. I can only assume he's still using the same Wizard of Oz curtain trick that he used to temporarily become Prime Minister of Canada.
      sp_0715_12_v8.jpg?width=300&height=169&c

      Score: 6

      Cevrus:

      "He's the '____' of soccer." Nobody cares about soccer.

      Score: 3

      Jalnor:

      Can I get a "frell yeah" for a crazed pack of wild boars in Switzerland?

      Score: 6

      Megafire:

      Clearly the man was living the high life. It's truly a shame that society these days does not appreciate this kind of entrepreneurship.

      Score: 4

      Buck:

      He just wanted to quit while he was still a-head.

      Score: 2

      4
      The Clinton Foundation has been helping out Qatar in its World Cup project, after Bill himself failed to get the deal for the US. They've been taking cash for supporting a project that's rumoured to be using short-life slaves to build something most of their country doesn't even want. Are the Clintons even more corrupt than Blatter?
      Source

      Sonima:

      Hey now, no need to get all worked up. The Qatari wanted the Clintons to help them build a kickass soccer stadium at the cost of the lives of the people building it. Weren't you paying attention? They totally had a choice not to participate in the World Cup. Geeze, its not like they could somehow force them to host the Cup or anything. Oh... wait...
      youtube.com/watch?v=DlJEt2KU33I


      Continued in comment 1...

    • Vat 59: Bending the laws of physics

      4 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      We're still here! Better yet, we're welcoming back the Captain, under the name of @Kappy - Without his morphine. His return was a tad last-minute, so he hasn't provided any answers this week, but watch for him in Vat 60!
      Of course, you all surely know @Fizz - a regular in the Mafia game and something of a minor celebrity in his own right if you visit the right forums here on RT. He's rather popular with the Vat members and, this week, was elected almost unanimously to be our guest. (Honourable mention to @CalPal for being the only other nominee to get a vote - maybe next time!) Cappy seems to have been rather brutal on his scoring of Fizz, though... don't take it personally, he'd probably have been just as brutal on the other polls if he'd voted smiley8.gif

      Participating regulars this week are:
      @Biolith - Director of Suspicious Activities
      @Jalnor - Not an NPC
      @jaxom_rahl - Budding novelist
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador

      Without Rico's participation, we have a different victor and I, for one, would have called it impossible just two articles ago...

      1
      Up until last week, it's been two years since the Vat published anything... and 8 months since we last tried. If you could honestly pin the blame on any one thing or person...


      Fizz:

      Tucker did it! You see, it was actually a secret ruse by the NATO to shut you down.

      Score: 2

      Jalnor:

      The dirty blues running the UK used their capitalist brainwashing machines to make us forget about the vodka, because it's a threat to their ability to hoover up all the money from the world. We need to be sober and bored to be effectively exploited!

      Score: 3

      Jaxom:

      It was megafire, in the kitchen, with the noose.

      Score: 5
      Megafire: My lawyer advised me not to confirm or deny anything.

      Megafire:

      Clearly we need to work on our communist infrastructure. Time to establish a few more quotas!

      Score: 4

      Biolith:

      Thanks Obama.

      Score: 6

      2
      Sweden is going to pursue a feminist foreign policy to counter macho Russian aggression (source)


      Fizz:

      I'll book myself a plane ticket then to accept those lovely ladies. This is why Scandinavian countries are the best.

      Score: 4

      Jaxom:

      Whenever I see pictures of Scandinavian women, all I can think is, why the fuck am I still in Arizona?!

      Score: 6

      Megafire::

      Putin's already hiding under his desk. Although he may just be trying to find out where his Ruble's gone.

      Score: 6

      Biolith:

      Unless those Swedish feminists look like this, I think they're going to have a hard time going up against those dirty Soviet patriarchs.

      Score: 4

      3
      Sony got hacked over a film about assassinating North Korea's leader, then was persuaded to release the film anyway when North Korea's entire internet went offline, then Sony got hacked again. What's going on?


      Fizz:

      Didn't anyone tell you? That's how WW3 is gonna be fought man, digitally. Who needs those stupid analogue soldiers and tanks anyway?

      Score: 5

      Jaxom:

      Internets is srs bsns.

      Nevar forget.

      Score: 6

      Megafire:

      Anonymous was having its annual Christmas party.

      Score: 4

      Scores:
      Biolith: 10
      Fizz: 11
      Jalnor: 3
      Jaxom: 17
      Megafire: 14

      Jaxom wins! Personally, I'm in shock - in previous years, I'd have said this wasn't physically possible, but he's been increasingly funny recently. Well done, Jaxom, I owe you a drink!

    • Vat 58: Never Gonna Give This Up

      4 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      It's been a long time! Two years almost to the day, in fact. But here we are again, with more less-than-sane ponderings from the people who bring you the USSRvB - and usually NATO of BvR too. Buck submitted one of our topics, but no answers.
      Merry winter solstice, everyone, whatever your persuasion may be!
      Since it's been a long time, we've lost people. But those of us who remain are determined to keep this going! To that end, we've invited a guest participant. An experienced Mafia player with a sharp wit, recently given the title of Forum Moderator, it's @Hoorah smiley13.gif

      Participating along with him are:
      @Jalnor - Not an NPC
      @jaxom_rahl - Budding novelist
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador

      1
      Adam is bringing back the traditional mod system with some tweaks... eventually, as part of a major re-design. This was announced many months ago, but most long-time site users don't seem to know. It will also finally include the much-coveted +1 WTF (Source 1, Source 2)


      Hoorah:

      He is?! +1 OMG


      Jalnor:

      I can think of a few people who would gladly give our articles a +1 WTF every chance they got!

      Score: 1

      Megafire:

      Cue all the newfags complaining about the 'new' system and wanting the 'old' one back.

      Score:8

      Rico:

      I concur, this pwns. Ben should be slapped.

      Score: 6

      2
      The UK might allow military women to serve in close-combat roles by 2016. Is this gender equality, or sexism dressed up as concern?


      Hoorah:

      Whatever it is, I know I wouldn't mind some close-combat with a woman.


      Jalnor:

      Hey, reality, Star Trek called. You took your sweet time about copying this one.
      10882114_10152882278696970_5862011222834

      Score: 2

      Rico:

      inb4 phony feminists complaining the enemy combatants are oppressing them

      Score: 5

      Jaxom:

      Women?! In combat?! We've given these feminists everything, and now they want to take over the last bastion of manhood as well! This is sexism! Our right to be big, manly men is under attack! By the way, any girls out there want to date me? I'm super nice. Seriously, why will no girls have sex with me? HOW MANY CHAIRS MUST I PUSH IN TO SHOW THAT I AM CHIVALROUS AND EVERYTHING THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN LOOKING FOR IN A MAN?! HOW MANY DOORS MUST I HOLD?!

      Pictured: My bed.

      RnLZspx.jpg

      Score: 6

      3
      The U.S. is set to restore full relations with Cuba, erasing one last trace of Cold War hostility (Source)


      Hoorah:

      This calls for a celebration! Now, where's my box of cigars?


      Rico:

      in other news: American cigar companies file for bankruptcy due to a sudden import surge of affordable superior Havana cigars

      Score: 6

      Jalnor:

      As long as the two leaders never get close enough that they decide to play Truth or Dare. That could end pretty badly... smiley7.gif

      Score: 3

      Jaxom:

      This is all a conspiracy. I know from every action movie made between 1992 and 2001 that the evil communists are still the number one enemy of America and Freedom (redundant). Nice try, government, but I'm too smart for you.

      Score: 4

      Megafire:

      I cannot believe there aren't any images of Cuban cigars superimposed on missiles. For shame, internet. For shame.

      Score: 2

      Scores:
      Jalnor: 6
      Jaxom: 10
      Rico: 17
      Megafire: 10

      Rico wins as usual! Some things never change...

    • Vat 57: The Mayan Lightning Round

      6 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      A belated merry Christmas to everyone! It's another late Vat!
      This week, we decided to do a quick-fire round of the alleged apocalypse last Friday - next week might be skipped due to me being on a bit of a trip, but we'll see!

      Participating this week:
      @Jalnor - Future Prime Minister
      @jaxom_rahl - Lost His Mojo
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador
      @Oxford - Maximus Icthius, Slapper of Ben

      1
      Most disappointing thing about the 21st of December


      Jalnor:

      No new Rooster Teeth parody

      Score: 4

      Rico:

      Remember remember the 21st of 2012's December!
      The doom-to-be-soon perceived by a git full of shit.
      The IQ of the believers, was less than that of Bieber.
      Forever untrue, turned out the end that came never.

      Score: 7

      Jalnor:

      That was the last excuse on the list... now I have to get my car serviced after all.

      Score: 4

      megafire:

      I am so very disappointed. I had expected at least one grand display of fiery doom. I even got up early so I wouldn't miss anything. I want a refund.

      Score: 2

      Jaxom:

      No zombies, and my family's getting beans for Christmas.

      Score: 4

      Oxford:

      You can't be disappointed if your expectations are non-existent. I guess I'll have to move 2012 to the "Comedy" section now.

      Score: 0

      Scores:
      Oxford: 0
      megafire: 2
      Jalnor: 4
      Jaxom: 4
      Rico: 7

      It's not a fix, I promise...

    • Vat 56 - The Reuinion Tour

      6 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      It's been a few months since we did this - I went to DWCon 2012 and then moved house and no-one else had the time to fill my shoes and I've been all over the place since with a number of projects... more on that later. But this week, I finally got the band back together! We're here all week, with a possible gig in Atlantis next week - be there or be... erm, well, blue.

      Participating this week:
      @Biolith - Director of Suspicious Activities
      @Jalnor - Future Prime Minister
      @jaxom_rahl - Lost His Mojo
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador
      @Oxford - Maximus Icthius, Slapper of Ben

      We didn't really get a chance to think about a guest this week... perhaps next week!

      1
      Mods are being phased out altogether in favour of Likes and Dislikes. What do you think?


      Jaxom:

      Because no other site does anything like this.

      Score: 5

      Rico:

      Well, at least they got right what Facebook still doesn't understand after years of requests for it: the presence of a dislike button.

      Score: 7

      megafire:

      Dislike

      Score: 5

      Oxford:

      No way! Mods have been a way to specifically reduce your opinion to 8 responses. So it's like... 4 times better than Facebook. Fuck yeah.

      Score: 4

      2
      Jalnor has taken the plunge and actually started a political party in the UK so he can be the next Prime Minister. How do you think this will play out


      Jalnor:

      Well, I actually had this weird dream a couple of weeks ago where I was flying first class on a plane to somewhere (being addressed as "Prime Minister" by the airline staff) and got talking to Katy Perry and the environment just became her living room and things, er... moved on from there. What makes this especially weird is I'm not much of a celebrity chaser and I have to think quite hard to even recall what Katy Perry looks like.
      I'm calling this an early sign of a mental breakdown caused by severe fatigue. So if next week I'm dreaming about hammering nails into the front of a building to form a 10-floor-high depiction of my avatar symbol by climbing the building Assassin's Creed style... oh, wait... that was last week.

      Score: 3

      Jaxom:

      The UK will continue to not have enough Dakka. This is because the only country that produces Dakka is Russia, and their only export is conquest.

      Score: 3

      Oxford:

      Jalnor for Supreme Leader of the Fourth Prime Council of Apophis! Oh, you meant British politics? Dafuq is dat

      Score: 6

      Biolith:

      I foresee many great things in this party's future. I bet Jalnor just can't wait to be King.

      Score: 6

      Rico:

      all politics bore me unless there's fighting involved. Japanese politics is awesome because you see the occasional judo. If more political systems were based on whether the politician you disagree with can kick your ass, the world wouldn't be such a pathetic place.

      Jalnor: Where I come from, things are so much simpler. There's only one Big Giant Office and whoever outruns the fireball wins!
      Score: 5

      3
      Washington State has legalised cannabis. What do you think will happen next?


      Jaxom:

      In Washington state? Absolutely nothing.

      Score: 4

      Oxford:

      I'm visiting Seattle right now, actually, and it's.... It's... It's just great, man. Really, really great.

      Score: 5

      Rico:

      A giant mushroom cloud will form over the state of Washington, but it won't be a radioactive hazard. The only danger would be people being mellow behind the wheel.

      Score: 5

      Scores:
      Jalnor: 3
      megafire: 5
      Biolith: 6
      Jaxom: 12
      Oxford: 15
      Rico: 17
      Our winner this week is Rico again! Jalnor owes him another frelling beer... Go congratulate him!

    • Vat 55: Doubled numbers

      6 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      A little bit late, yep. It's been a busy time. But we managed to pack a lot of epicness into this week's Vat. There might be a Vat this Tuesday, but we might also need to take a break to recharge and get other things out of the way - we'll be sure to comment here with any updates!

      Participating this week:
      @Biolith - Director of Suspicious Activities
      @iamcevrus2 - Miskatonic University Professor
      @Jalnor - Legit author
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador

      This week, our guest is no-one again! Should we have one next time?

      1
      Comrade Biolith has recently observed a number of vehicles parked in dark places near his house, not belonging to local residents. They're causing trouble. What would be the most epic way to deal with them?


      megafire:

      Weld their chassis to the ground.

      Score: 6

      Jalnor

      Pour napalm into the engines... but don't light it.
      Goopy engine probably fails to start, they call the AA (or whatever breakdown cover's called over there) and the guy's all like "WTF are you doing with napalm?"
      Or it does start and ignites the napalm, in which case Megafire gets a treat in the form of an ENORMOUSBLAZE smiley13.gif

      megafire: This means I demand a video of the event.
      Score: 7

      Rico:

      Obviously nicking all four wheels and putting the cars on bricks. Then, sell the rims for scrap and use the tyres to build a tyrewall for an improvised racetrack.

      Score: 7

      Rico:

      Rent a monster truck, build a ramp, see how many cars you can jump over.

      Score: 8

      Cevrus:

      Buy lots of duct tape of various colors. Completely cover the vehicles in whatever closes matches. Or just hot pink the all of them. Shellac it.

      Score: 7

      2
      The Daily Mail, a British newspaper, has seized upon the story of a somewhat troubled teenager committing suicide and makes a big deal of the fact the boy played the Call of Duty games. Is the article unfair?

      Article

      megafire:

      People still give a shit about the Daily Mail? Man, I thought the US was bad.

      (Says the Dutch guy whose recent elections just saw the SGP get an extra seat.)

      Score: 4

      Jalnor:

      This is why we call it the Daily Fail. It's like a certain web comic once said.
      "Here's another story to run, a guy just got killed in a fight over an Xbox."
      "Really? That's horrific! Why were they fighting over it?"
      "Well, they weren't really, the guy interrupted a burglary in his flat and the burglar stabbed him. But there was an Xbox in the flat, so that's the angle we're going with."

      Score: 3

      Rico:

      I play plants vs. zombies when I'm bored and waiting for something, you don't see me running over people with a lawnmower(yet), do you?

      Score: 5

      Cevrus:

      The coroner knew about this for what, 9 months before saying anything?????

      Score: 4

      Cevrus:

      Now I've only ever played any CoD for about 10 minutes ever, but I'm pretty sure that A) there's knives in the games, and B) you're not able to hang yourself in the game. So, Mom and Coroner are both fucking stupid, end of story.

      Score: 7

      3
      A spaceflight foundation has announced its intention to launch an unmanned mission to another solar system with a flight time of 100 years or less. They're not copying Jalnor's 18-month-old idea AT ALL. How do you think this will go?

      Article

      megafire

      It will go awful, because by the time that thing starts sending messages back, we will have forgotten we send the thing in the first place and everyone will start believing aliens are real again.

      Jalnor: But aliens are real. They're just not here. *Eyes glow* Except for me.
      megafire: Don't make me call the men in black again.
      Score: 7

      Jalnor:

      About 20 years into the mission, my group's SGU-inspired comsat-seeding ship will blow past it at warp 2 and hook a silver medal over it somewhere.

      Score: 5

      Rico:

      100 years for Proxima Centauri? 1/25th the speed of light seems hardly attainable with current technology. I know the solution: paint flames on the rocket so it'll go faster.

      Score: 10

      Biolith:

      All instances point to the probe being sucked into a black hole while en-route. Should be pretty to watch.

      Jalnor: The Grammar Borg do not want your distinctiveness.
      Rico: I am Dyslexic of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
      Score: 3

      Cevrus:

      Not sure which is throwing off more red flags the "5 year study" in which as soon as they send it out they're gonna locate something in a different direction they want to go to first; or, "non-profit" in which it would be required to either break dead even or lose money.

      Score: 3

      Scores:
      Biolith: 3
      Jalnor: 15
      megafire: 17
      iamcevrus2: 20.5
      johnnyricoMC: 22.5

      Our winner this week is Rico again! He deserves some sort of prize at this rate, anyone want to buy him a beer?

    • Super-late for 54

      6 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      Wow, it's been a while. We had some trouble coming up with suitably epic stuff for this - there's certainly epic stuff here, it's just not as plentiful as we like. So this article will be a liiiittle bit short smiley2.gif
      We're setting to work on our next article; hopefully, it'll be a bit longer and with more than 4 Vat members!

      Participating this week:
      @firewolfnin - Gut you like a f3licks
      @Jalnor - Legit author
      @jaxom_rahl - Red Founder
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor

      Again, we're going without a guest this week smiley8.gif

      1
      A Chinese man, who lost both his hands, built his own bionic hands without hands! What should he invent next?

      Article

      Jalnor:

      I'd love to find out how he managed to do this without hands. Telekinesis? Teeth? A helping hand?

      Score: 4

      Rico:

      The Chinese don't invent, they knock off.

      Score: 2

      Firewolf:

      A bionic wang as his new hands will likely ruin this current one.

      Score: 7

      2
      A gay rights volunteer, apparently fed up with anti-gay hate groups, descended past their level and launched a gun attack on one of them. But they guy was a model citizen until then. What do you think happened?

      Article

      Firewolf:

      Chick-fil-a withdrawal.

      Score: 4

      Jalnor:

      Obviously, the secret government asked the aliens to beam him up and then down again into the Illuminati HQ under the White House so that they could brainwash him and set him loose against the Templars, but something went wrong and got mixed up with his real opinions and he ended up using his programming to get arrested there.

      Score: 3

      3
      Butterflies near Fukushima have been mutated by the radiation! Is anyone else thinking a real Godzilla might be just round the corner?

      Article

      Jalnor:

      Nope. The butterflies' appendages are shrinking, so the next thing round the corner is a super-small breed of humans suited perfectly to further miniaturising our technology so that the Xbox 9001 can be the size of a AA battery and you plug in games that you need eyesight like mine to find smiley6.gif

      Score: 2

      Firewolf:

      Hopefully this is the first step to real life pokemon. Now we just need to figure out how to set lizards on fire without killing them so they have enough time to evolve into a charmander

      Score: 6

      Jaxom:

      Fuck Godzilla; they're turning into a whole race of Mothras.

      Score: 4

      Finally, Rico added this:

      So, I'm not gonna bother with a vat reply. Instead, I'm giving a flash game I made today for an exam. Controls are arrowkeys updown and space to shoot, shooting the raptors gives points that vary depending on their speed. If they get by you, you lose points which increase if it was a slow-mover. Wasting ammo costs points too. Infinite lives as long as you stay above 0 points. Die with over 5000 points and you lose half your points, die below 5000 and you lose 1000:

      dl.dropbox.com/u/5550662/9lives/Battlestar%2...

      A not so long time, in a galaxy not too far away: Kodos is patrolling Rigel 7 when the Colonial fleet passes by with Raptors, looking for a planet to settle down on. It's up to Kodos to hold them off for as long as possible

      Score: 5

      Scores:
      Jaxom: 4
      Rico: 7
      Jalnor: 9
      Firewolf: 17
      This week, our winner is Firewolf! Leave her a lot of personal comments telling her how hilarious her answers were smiley13.gif

    • Vat 53: At least it's this week!

      7 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      Sorry it's late! We've been deliberating on some finer points of formatting, but we're here now, so here goes!
      The Vat is a competition again this week, so let us know how closely the scores equate to your own feelings! (There was a proposal to actually put up public polls, but the general feeling is that'll get old really fast)

      Participating this week:
      @BuckeyeDon - Blue Leader
      @firewolfnin - Gut you like a f3licks
      @iamcevrus2 - Miskatonic University Professor
      @Jalnor - Legit author
      @jaxom_rahl - Red Founder
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor

      We skipped the guest part this week because we're lazy like that smiley8.gif (Shout out if you'd like to feature as a guest, or if there's someone you'd like to see as a guest - we have some names already, but we consider all nominations)

      1
      There's a Canadian
      (Correction: American, but it's all the same to a drunken Scotsman) town that's been on fire for 50 years - allegedly. The fire is underground and most of the residents are long gone, but 8 have resisted evacuation because they think the government just wants their coal. What do you think?
      Article

      Rico:

      Hey Canada, the Roman Empire called, you're breaching their patent for heated floors!

      (Score: 7)

      Cevrus:

      Why the fuck does it say Canadian town? Did Canada annex fucking Pennsylvania when I wasn't looking?

      Rico: He's Scottish. Make an educated guess what he drinks other than tea :D
      (Score: 10)

      Rico:

      It burns, but it ain't coal mate. Canadian asses just aren't built for Mexican or Indian food.

      (Score: 9)

      Firewolf:

      They should keep an eye open for a blue box and a mad man.

      (Score: 4)

      Buck:

      Canuckian town? Wait, did the US sell Centralia to the Canuckians? Or did Jalnor go visit Centralia and succumbed to the noxious fumes (since the title of the article clearly says 'US town') and is now totally disoriented?

      (Score: 3)

      Jalnor:

      Woops, Pennsylvanian, not Canadian. In my defence, no-one called it in the topic votes... also, Guinness is wonderful stuff

      (Score: 4)

      2
      A new Facebook app is set to launch - an actual gambling app. Like, with real money. Where can you see this going?

      Article

      Rico:

      No I will not accept your facepoker invites and no I will not borrow you money for facepoker, I will however, like all status updates in which you lament being a bankrupt sucker.

      (Score: 8)

      Rico:

      But I don't want a gambling app! I want an app that lets me browse the web! Wait..

      (Score: 6)

      Buck:

      Anything with Farcebook is a gamble. And if its stock price is any indication, it's a total crap shoot.

      (Score: 2)

      Jalnor:

      I see it going straight into my b& apps list. 277 apps and counting! Om nom nom!

      (Score: 1)

      3
      As everyone knows, the Curiosity probe is now on Mars - and it's the biggest, best probe anyone has ever sent. What's the best thing you think it will find?

      Article

      Rico:

      Prothean artifacts. Preferably with starcharts to Thessia so we can all get some blue alien (side)boob sooner.

      Firewolf: Thessia better have a map to Palaven so I can get me some Turian ass.
      (Score: 11)

      Rico:

      Nazis. Iron Sky was wrong, they didn't go to the moon, they went straight to Mars! There's a huge swastika in the northern ice cap so when you look at Mars while going over its north pole, it looks like a Fritz flag!

      (Score: 6)

      Firewolf:

      The other two rovers that lasted a long time. We'll find that they not only are in fine condition, but also have become sentient and have built an advanced civilization and have started making a death ray to fire at Earth.

      (Score: 8)

      Rico:

      That three-boobed lady from Total Recall (the original with ahnold!).

      (Score: 9)

      Jaxom:

      "So ronery. . . "

      dr-manhattan_ljpg.jpeg

      (Score: 7)

      Jalnor:

      A half-buried statue lady with men climbing out of her nose.

      (Score: 6)

      Scores:
      Buck: 5
      Jaxom: 7
      Cevrus: 10
      Jalnor: 11
      Firewolf: 12
      Rico: 23.7
      Our winner this week is Rico again! Go congratulate him!

      Post edited 8/16/12 11:39AM

    • Vat 52: 3 weeks each

      7 years ago

      The Vodka Vat

      Posted-Jalnor.png

      Here's our 52nd article! A whole year's worth of weekly content. It only took us... *glances at calendar* whooo... 3 years, 3 months and 2 days (well, just under 3.5 hours short of that) smiley7.gif
      I've added a new feature - see, each answer that a Vat member supplies is voted on by the other Vat members to give a score. If it doesn't score well, it doesn't get included. But since almost every answer these days scores really well, it's time to unleash a competitive element. To that end, each Vat member's scores on their most popular answer to each topic will be added together at the end of the article and the highest scorer will win. What will they win? Er, respect. Yes. Possibly vodka.

      This week, we've asked @AgentIndy to be our guest star - he's a NATO member just like Buck (who I've just realised was also the guest in our 4th Vat) and a Mafia Game regular for many years... and heseems to be quite popular in certain other areas of the site. His answers today certainly won't be losing him any friends smiley13.gif

      Joining him this week are 5 of our regulars:
      @BuckeyeDon - Blue Leader
      @iamcevrus2 - Miskatonic University Professor
      @Jalnor - and Companion Cube
      @johnnyricoMC - Dr. Evil's Technical Advisor
      @megafire - Incendite Ambassador

      1
      Microsoft is renaming Hotmail... it's now Outlook. Why do you think they're doing this? ...and is it going to work?

      Article

      AgentIndy:

      They are changing things to cash in on the success of the Outlook program, but they don't realize that the backlash of change on the internet is one of the fundamental forces of the universe.


      Jalnor:

      Obviously, they want to confuse the script kiddies that hack them every week. They'd have better luck if they renamed it www.howitfeelstohaveagirlfriend.com or www.myhandgetsnovalentinescards.com

      (5 points)

      Rico:

      Easy. Say hotmail out loud. Yup, sounds gay doesn't it? hot-male?

      (10 points)

      Cevrus:

      Another wonderful article in which the writer is a complete jackass. Hotmail has been around for years. Outlook has been around for years. It's called a merger. Not that amazing a concept. Now if they managed to merge something that worked with something else that worked/ was popular, that'd be something. Writer needs to go back to killing everybody in Oregon Trail and not finding Carmen Sandiego.

      (5 points)

      Buck:

      "Outlook" your email "Inbox"? WTF? Mixed messages here MS? Is this going to work? Work at what, keeping me away?

      Kill it. Kill it with fire!

      Oh look, the person in Question 2 agrees and is showing me the way!

      (2 points)

      2
      In an effort to prove that science is safe, Judith Hackitt, Chair of the UK's Health and Safety Executive, set a fire in her hands. And had a picture taken. Has there ever been a more epic act by Health and Safety?

      _61934893_flash_bang06.jpg
      Article

      AgentIndy:

      Health and safety used to be boring, but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.


      Jalnor:

      I bet she's actually just a firebender and waiting to get a huge laugh out of hearing that some idiot set his hands on fire in the garden shed.

      (4 points)

      Rico:

      Ka-me-ha-me-ha!

      (4 points)

      megafire:

      Having done that myself, I can honestly say that the whole 'proving science is safe' thing is just an excuse to feel like you're a pyrokinetic.

      I'm not blaming her. I'd make use of every excuse to do that, too.

      (5 points)

      Buck:

      *eyes glaze over*

      Flame. Beautiful burning flame.

      I want Hot Judy to take Bill Nye's place!

      Bill can go live with the dogs.

      (3 points)

      3
      Apparently wolf/dog hybrids are now guarding Angola State Penitentiary. What's next?

      Article

      AgentIndy:

      Raptors are the only ways to keep America's criminals in line.


      Jalnor:

      Let's ask Firewolf when she expects to complete the training of her Flaming Squirrel Death Squad.

      (6 points)

      Rico:

      Direwolves.

      (8 points)

      megafire:

      Next they're going to make mutant lizards to guard the sewers.

      Jalnor: From the escaping Venezuelan prisoners?
      (6 points)

      Cevrus:

      Wolf/dog hybrid you say? Next we'll have monkey/ape hybrids climbing trees! Perhaps I can interest you in some sleet/hail?

      (3 points)

      Buck:

      What next? Well, since science is involved, and now that Bill Nye is out of a job, and with the hybrid dogs taking the place of the guards, the guards will be out of their jobs and will go to a life of crime and end up being guarded by those who took their places with Bill Nye as the new warden.

      How's that for science!

      (6 points)

      Scores
      Cevrus scored 8 points
      megafire scored 11 points
      Buck scored 11 points
      Jalnor scored 15 points
      Rico scored 22 points

      Our winner this week is Rico! Go give him some congrats!

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