It’s well known by now that Jon Stewart had a secret meeting with Obama in 2014 – right before Obama’s speech on Ukraine. So secret that they didn’t try to cover it up at all and made sure to log it in the official visitor logs. They pulled out all the stops.
It is further known that “rat faced” John Oliver, Stewart’s protégé, interviewed Edward Snowden earlier this year – AKA the world’s most famous rat. There we learned that the government does in fact have access to your dick pics. How is this relevant to anything though? Well, it’s time for the juiciest part of all: Hillary’s deleted emails. Clinton deleted 32,000 emails from a private server, many of which contained classified information. Being the secretary of state and knowing the US’s priorities, one can only conclude that the information stored in those emails consisted entirely of nude pics of foreign heads of state. Presumably these are being kept for blackmail purposes and it would of course be disastrous if they got out because the gig would be up.
And now we’re back to Edward Snowden. Did he betray the US by releasing all those classified documents? Or was that a necessary cover so that he could get close enough to Putin to snap some nudes? What we’re seeing here is a very elaborate plan to infiltrate the Kremlin so that the Ukraine conflict can be resolved peacefully. Jon Stewart and Jon Oliver are of course serving as the intermediaries for these most sensitive of directives/documents. No one would ever suspect it.
Well played United States. Well played.